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chippers · May 30, 2007, 04:10 PM

I know it's not easy loving someone who keeps you at a distance. But you know, allot of great relationships started as friends first. The fact she doesn't want to cut everything off completely is encouraging. But allot also depends on what you want and how long you're willing to wait. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships. It's not all about forging, but about learning and growing. I'm not completely convinced that your prior errors are the problem but your girlfriends past trauma. She's been through allot and the walls are high and deep. She doesn't need convincing but time and patience for her to see things as they really are. Namely your stability and constancy.
She has a lot riding on her emotionally. She loves you and that scares her because she feels the wall getting a crack or two. That's a tough thing to handle when you've protected yourself emotionally and now find that protection weakening. Her heart is wanting to let you in but the mind is still in protective mode.
Time can help both of you in defuzzing your confusion. Taking things slow and really getting to know one and other will help strengthen your relationship and yourselves.

Andyman123 · May 30, 2007, 04:15 PM

Should I just not talk to her at all until maybe the end of this weekend? Then give her a call, I mean if she doenst contact me at all by then Im pretty sure that things won't ever be better.

chippers · May 30, 2007, 04:27 PM

Originally Posted by Andyman123

Should I just not talk to her at all until maybe the end of this weekend? then give her a call, I mean if she doenst contact me at all by then Im pretty sure that things wont ever be better.

You never really know andyman. All I can suggest is let her know you're there for her. Time will tell. That's the best I can tell you without giving false hope. I honestly do hope it all works out for the best for you and your girl. You sound like a nice young man.

Andyman123 · May 30, 2007, 04:33 PM

I'm just circling around wondering... would it be better of I just walked away, or Is it worth taking the time to see.

dime B · May 30, 2007, 09:47 PM

Oh I think I might know how your girlfriend feels, only because everything your saying that she said is exactly what I told my boyfriend at one point because I was going through a lot in my life at the time and I was very stressed out (I was not stressed out because of him but I was stressed out because of other things as well) Maybe she is going through a lot and she might be stressed out which could make the smallest arguments in your relationship with her a little stressing for her, and all of this stress might cause her to become confused and want her space for a little bit. Im only telling you what I went through, she might be going through a completely different situation... This is just from my point of view and what I went through. I think that you might need to give her some space and let her get over what ever she is going through, just let her know that you are here for her until she feels better.

chippers · May 30, 2007, 09:49 PM

Originally Posted by Andyman123

im just circling around wondering....would it be better of I just walked away, or Is it worth taking the time to see.

Andyman, that's only a question you can answer. I sense you're afraid your girlfriend will comeback and say she doesn't want to be with you anymore and you're trying to find a way to prepare yourself. Which is okay. No one wants to lay their heart on the line and let it be broke.
I applaud you for trying so hard to stay with someone whose been through the ringer like your girlfriend, I know it's not easy to do. Only you can decide in your heart of hearts if you can wait it out. You've done so much this far. The fact you've been together for 9 months says allot about your character.
I will say this, If you feel you can't hold on, be honest with her. If you fear the loss of her let her know. Let her know your heart hurts as well. You feel afraid and confused as to what's going to happen. No none least of all she will fault you for being honest and human.
And don't forget the fact she gave you a key after asking for space. That has to be a meaning to her in someway.

Andyman123 · May 31, 2007, 03:48 PM

SO far we haven't talked... been about 2 days I guess. I know she's stressed out, she said that she feels like she just needs a really good friend in her life. I suppose I just more afraid of ending it in case she changes her mind. I don't know, I feel like it would be easier for me to heal if I just cut it off, But I still don't want to give up hope because I know how we were together and Im just not sure if its time that she needs or not. When I talked to her last to see if she just wanted to go for a walk somewhere she said " I think we just need some time apart from each other if were gonna be friends" Like she's already made her mind up?

Andyman123 · May 31, 2007, 03:52 PM

One thing to note, she does work a lot... and she doenst seem to enjoy it there too much. I know she's stressed out and depressed about her friends and her work, and living on her own.

Would a girl tell a guy that she will take him back, Just to get rid of him for a bit, and not to hurt him after he brought her roses and a note? I mean, that just makes me think that she still does want to be together but just isn't sure...

chippers · May 31, 2007, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by Andyman123

One thing to note, she does work alot....and she doenst seem to enjoy it there to much. I know shes stressed out and depressed about her friends and her work, and living on her own.

Would a girl tell a guy that she will take him back, Just to get rid of him for a bit, and not to hurt him after he brought her roses and a note? I mean, that just makes me think that she still does want to be together but just isnt sure....

No girl worth having would do that. That's my opinion.

Andyman123 · Jun 2, 2007, 08:39 AM

Well, after one day of the no contact thing, I thought it was best for me to talk to her. We ended up going down to a park to talk about things, so after a long talk I told her that I'm not looking for a friend right now, and that I'm looking for more than that, and I can't go from a lover to a friend. I told her I was confident to walk away from our relationship knowing I did a lot of things right, not to say I didn't do some things wrong, but that's human nature... everyone makes mistakes. I told her that if she decides that she doenst want to try again, but I won't be her friend... and that Im not mad at her, its just I can't do that. So I then asked her, why she got back together with me the day after the break up, to just break up again... she started to cry and said it was because she loved me, but was confused on things and worried about things not changing and that she would just get hurt again. So I asked her " I need to know, are you with me or not? because I need to know if I should just walk away" at that point she thought for a few seconds then started to cry and grabbed me and said she wants to be with me, and said she has never cared for anyone like she does for me.

So now my question is, This weekend she is kind of busy, She had made plans with a few girls ( just a girls night ) for Saturday, and Friday she had a work dinner thing to attend, which I did get to see her later on that night and sleep over there. How long do you think it usually takes for people to become the way they were before everything. Things just don't feel as close as they were, with things like kissing, becoming sexual again But Im sure that, those are just things that will take time? I know on Sunday I have the option to go wakeboarding with her up at her parents cabin. Im not sure if I should just let her go and do it on her own or go up with her as well ( she said I could if I would like ) Even though we are back together do you think its still best to let her have her space? She bascially had Friday night out with some work people for a dinner, I just went over there at 11pm we chatted for a bit then passed out as she had to work her 6th day of the week at 8am. And now today, Saturday she has plans ( which she made before we got back together ) with her g/f and another girl, I was invited to go before when her g/fs fiancé was going to be there, but supposedly he is going to head out to a friends so its just kind of a girls night... So I see why Im not getting the "you should come " question now. And as for Sunday, Not sure if I should just let her head up there herself and have fun, or if I should go... I know Id like to go, do some boarding and get to hang out with her... would be awesome.

Andyman123 · Jun 5, 2007, 01:40 PM

Well for anyone that comes on here looking for advice... All I can say is trust your instincts and use your own judgement, I shouldve just done what I thought because last night, me and her had plans to hang out... I got to her place 20 minutes early to see, A guy standing in her front doorway. She said she kissed and that was it. So we are Done it

emopunk7 · Jun 5, 2007, 02:09 PM

She kissed another guy? Details please!

Andyman123 · Jun 6, 2007, 01:07 AM

Eh, she said that this was the first time they hung out on their own together, and that she does like him and that they kissed. She said she still has strong feelings for me, but is stuck in between us and just moving away with her best friend... So I told her, I don't want to see you again, I don't want to be your friend, and I don't want to give you anymore of my time, You don't deserve me. I wished her the best of luck in the future, then said That I wouldve have never done that to her or anyone that I cared for, I said that it really reflects the kind of person she is, and oviously she isn't the person I thought she is... I then said that I want you to know that IM done with this situation and I'm DONE with you... paused until she was about to say something, right as she was going to say whatever she had to say, I just hunt the phone up. There's 2 things I hate in life... Liars and cheaters. Good ridance, Let her be someone else's problem. Time to go out and enjoy the single life I suppose

mckenzie134 · Jun 6, 2007, 05:49 AM

Anyone who chats on you is not worth it. You fin out a lot of the time this has happened before.. I had an old ex for 4 years and she cheated. Don't regret not being with her one bit. She still rings me now and I GUARANTEE your ex will contact you this other guy will blow over...

I am so glad it happened to me though cause she is now a headache for someone else and she rings me trying to come back

She has no hope of that and you should think of itthe same cause it will happen again...

Andyman123 · Jun 6, 2007, 11:15 AM

For sure, She says that she's probably going to be moving on Sunday, I am curious if she is or not but there's no way of finding out unless I contact her which I can't do. I just get a laugh out of " I like him and we kissed " Then she says that Im better looking and she still has very strong feelings for me. So she said she was stuck in between the both of us and just moving to kamaloops. When we first broke up, I told her that I feel like someone else is in the equation, and during the last 2 weeks I checked to make sure that getting back together was what SHE wanted... all lies, I do wonder, If or how long it will take for her to call, Pretty harsh how you have someone in your life that you want to move into with together, then see someone else you think is cute, and just throw that person that was there for 9 months aside.

Makiavelic76 · Jun 6, 2007, 12:10 PM

I told you bro... leave her alone and focus on yourself, I been there before as many others. Im not saying all situations and relationships should be the same all the time, because they don't. But there's some similarities which only experience and some wisdom can make you apply it to each situation.
Start the completely NC rule with this person, not for making react to you but she´s not worth your trust and time. Just be prepared when she comes back telling you that she missed you. If you develop yourself into some NEW and BETTER man, you will be prepared to face that, with your head up.
Be well

Andyman123 · Jun 6, 2007, 12:12 PM

I will continue the no contact, I feel like she won't call me... since she has this other guy which she likes. Mind you she says that she still has really strong feelings for me and still thinks I'm better looking. So who knows, One thing I do want to know is if she is going to be moving to kamaloops... Would a quick text or call this Saturday to see if she's moving be wrong?

Makiavelic76 · Jun 6, 2007, 12:20 PM

Noooo man!! Nooo!! Leave her alone, the more you get close with this gal the more she will abuse... you need to be own your own. She fail!! If you ever want to give it a chance to this relationship again, please don´t put rose petals on her way back!! Which means let her know how much you worth and how much your appreciate yourself by improving you and letting her go.
If she figure it out that you are important at the same level you think of her, well she will do what ever it takes to let you know that.

Im going to finish my meal :)

emopunk7 · Jun 6, 2007, 12:24 PM

I think if it's going to bother you, just find out. But try to be strong after that and not worry about her.

talaniman · Jun 6, 2007, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by Andyman123

I will continue the no contact, I feel like she wont call me....since she has this other guy which she likes. Mind you she says that she still has really strong feelings for me and still thinks im better looking. So who knows, One thing I do want to know is if she is gonna be moving to kamaloops....Would a quick txt or call this saturday to see if shes moving be wrong?

In the first place when a female ask for space, and she wants to be friends, its over, and your not supposed to spend another minute on her, just move on. Unless you do you send yourself through the confusion and false hope of getting back together, and in the rare occasions that exes do return, the relationship is so changed its not worth it any more. Examine this, as you have seen for yourself a break up, supposed to be friends flowers letters talks, she still was looking elsewhere, and you're the one stuck wondering. Let all that go, and never call again, or take her calls until you are completely over it. Move on, and get a life that you enjoy, and are happy in, without her. Anything else is a waste of time, and will stop you from being able to deal with your feelings in a healthy, positive way.