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ellexo · Jan 21, 2012, 06:37 PM

I met him about a month ago, and I knew from the beginning that he wasn't interested in a relationship. I have been single for two and a half years, so I decided not to push it and just have fun because last time I got burned badly.

We have seen each other every weekend since we met and we have slept together a few times, but he's told me he's not always into sleeping with me and wants to know me. He has actually turned me down for sex. He hugs me, kisses me stares at me when I'm not looking. But his actions don't match his words.

He tells me we're friends with benefits but he also says he's not going to go sleep with anyone else, he doesn't talk to other girls. The other night I asked him what was going on, because I was confused and I can't live in confusion, he told me he liked me, that it was nice having someone but he just didn't want to be in a relationship and he is leaving the country in four months anyway. He told me he was sorry and he felt like a ****, and that he didn't know it had gone that far and that we were looking for different things. The next morning he told me he would see me until I didn't want him to anymore.

It sounds to me like he really does want me, but has decided that a relationship is just too much for him to deal with right now. I don't know if it's worth sticking it out and waiting for him or if I'm just being played and I should let go. I haven't been involved with any males in over a year before this and two and a half years since I've had a relationship and myself esteem really took a hit because of it. What should I do?

talaniman · Jan 21, 2012, 10:36 PM

Figure out what you want, because he knows what he wants and is getting it from you, Sex complicates feelings. Is what you get from him worth what you give him?

Talaniman Rule - Never wait for someone to want you, or settle for less than you want.

ellexo · Jan 21, 2012, 10:52 PM

I know what I want, but at the same time, I'm content with where we are. It's just his actions vs. his words that's confusing me. I'm a black and white person, and it seems he can live in shades of grey.

neverme · Jan 21, 2012, 11:25 PM

He told you from the start, take him at his word. Either your OK with that or not. I think you'd prefer something more, if so get out now. He's not playing you in any way. He's been totally honest. Be honest with yourself.

talaniman · Jan 22, 2012, 08:58 AM

Its so easy to get in a comfort zone, and want more. That's how it is in FWB relationships. One partner develops stronger feelings, and wants the other to feel the same thing.

And it hurts when they don't. That's why you don't wait for them to change their minds, you go get what makes you happy, and that means taking a chance and getting out of that comfort zone.

I don't think its about black and white, so much as its about being stuck by high hopes, and intense feelings.

You are free to do your own thing at anytime and find someone else to share your benefits with. You don't have to save any for him, unless you want to.

Maybe this upcoming separation is a good thing.