[PatBateman]

This may or may not be a self-pity thread (I'm feeling pretty good right now), but I just wanted to ask the women on this board if they've ever dumped a boyfriend or divorced a husband only to regret making the decision weeks, months, or maybe even years down the line. I'm sure this has happened to some women since people do break up and get back together.

If you've done this before, why did you break it off? What made you regret the break-up and miss your guy? Did it work out the second time around?

[Allheart]

Hi Pat,

No I do not think it is self-pity on your part at all. You are just seeking insight. Hearing other folks stories can only help. I think all knowledge acquired is always a good thing.

Nah, I never "dumped" anyone. I didn't date a great deal before getting married. But in the one relationship prior to being married, I wasn't dumped... I was set free baby :):). Of course it didn't feel like that at the time. Oh and I am sure, the one that set me free, you bet he regrets it.. LOL... that silly man (just kiddn, I have no clue if he does... nor where he is).

There was actually my first love ( I was 21 ), so to speak, we did go our separate ways, and to this day I can not remember why. Anyway, a couple of years later, he did come back to me and wanted to get back together, and I felt terrible that I did not. I had just started dating my now husband, (it may have been a couple of weeks), and he apologized for not treating me the way I deserved. By that point, I was just so consumed with feeling bad that I didn't want to go back, plus I felt guilty for talking with him, that what he was saying wasn't even registering. The only reason I considered it for a spilt second, was that I did at one time deeply love him, but I would have went back for the wrong reasons. I wanted to "take care" of him. He had an awful drinking problem. Do I regret it? I would have to say no, I did have guilt pangs, only because in my silly mind I thought I could help him. He has since passed away (cancer), May God rest his soul. The good news is I did find out when I heard the news of his passing, that he did join AA. That did my heart good.

I feel that although the above two relationships did cause me a great deal of sadness and at times, just feel your heart has been ripped out of you, it also prepared me and allowed me to be able to fully appreciate the great qualities my husband has and makes it harder to take for granted. If I never experienced those heartaches, I may not be able to appreciate the little things that hubby does and not fully realize how very fortunate I am.

[jrussole]

Wow, allheart! You are all heart!

I believe that relationships that end, end for a reason. Whether it was your responsibility or the others. And I do not believe that many people are able to retrace their steps if the break up ended on bad terms. Plus, I believe it is better to take three steps forward than six steps back. But it may be the kind of dance you may want to try. Just remember that the old song that you previously danced, may come back on and you both may end up stepping on each others toes again.

Therefore, it is best to learn from an experience and hope for the next person in line.
Because he may know all of the dances and never step on your toes. And dance with you in harmony and elegance.

If you really love someone in this world. You will always love them. No matter what. There will always be a memory. Or a song. Or that dang dance! That he alone knows how to do with you. And it is easy to slip back into the dance if he has charm to boot! You just have to realize the risks of getting stepped on again.

My first love. He was everything to me. He ended up with a drug and alcohol problem. I called it quits. Wanted more out of life than dealing with someone else's problem. But I miss him, sometimes.

I had a professor in college. Who said that every woman should have at least three husbands in her life and is lucky if she finds all of them in one.

When your in your twenties, you find a guy and have passionate, wild sex and fun times together. But then he won't grow up when you reach your thirties, so you move on.

In your thirties, you meet the family guy. The guy that stays at home and helps raise your kids and is a pleasure to live life with. But then he doesn't want to do anything. But after a while, that's all he wants to do. Is sit around and be a home body. So, it gets boring. And you then reach your fifties. And the kids are out of the house and he still doesn't want to do anything! Too boring to stick around, so you move on.

In your fifties, you know what you want. And you have the money and time to do it all! Excitement, travel, entertainment, yet able to have that great sex and spontenaity. You want that family man, the man that can love all of you. And that is when you find your soul mate. The person who is destined to be at your side in harmony till you depart from this world.

Again, she also said that if you are able to find this man on the first or second shot, you're lucky! And to hold on for dear life!

[Geoffersonairplane]

I liked both responses but sorry I had to spread the rep. I especially liked yours Allheart. That is a touching story, you have obviously been through a lot and I think that this proves that in many ways, the experiences we have mould us into who we are as a person.

[jrussole]

Gosh, Geoff! You are RIGHT on! They do mold us. We just hope that in the end, they don't break us! And if they break us, we need to remember that with a little time and patience we can glue ourselves back together again. With a little love and tenderness!
Hey, isn't that a song? I know it's a song! Or it should be!

[heartsafire]

I believe everythng happens for a reason. We meet who we are supposed to meet to grow spiritually and emotionally and those relationships sometimes end when they have fulfilled their purpose. Breakups are hard, but the relationship is only over from an earthly perspective. If you look deep, that person will always be a part of your spirit and there will always be a connection. Perhaps you even thought they were a jerk, but they did teach you something. Love is free flowing and there is someone else around the corner. As I myself struggle with my recent breakup, I choose to think about the excitement ahead... new people and new experiences. You get what you think about and if you think about the doom and gloom of the past you will feel sad and hopeless, but if you think about all the great things waiting for you, they will come to you much sooner.

And yes, this was my second time around with the guy I just broke up with. I missed him so badly after I broke up with him the first time that I overlooked all the things that were wrong about the relationship the first time. I'm not saying it can't workout the second time, but I think it's important to really look at what happened the first time. Patterns do repeat themselves. Someone once told me that relationships are like a record... the grooves are set at the beginning and they will always be there. If someone has the upper hand or treats you badly from the beginning and you don't immediately change the grooves being set, it will always be there. Sometimes we go back to what is familiar pain to try to avoid the new pain. Breakups are painful, but refer to my first response and hold onto hope versus potentially going back for seconds. You are only delaying your own happiness.