[Triysle]

Hi folks. Just to get this out of the way, I absolutely despise drama. I hate the he said/she said gossip and talking behind people's backs with a passion. Here's my situation.

I invited a friend to come hang out for the weekend. She is an ex from about four years ago, and we've both grown up a lot since then. I wasn't looking to start anything with her, and I told her so, clearly and on multiple occasions. We were (and still are) very physically attracted to each other, but I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't have sex with anyone unless I was dating them (a new challenge in my life, one I am proud to say I have kept).

Anyway, it's the second night she's stayed, and we had a little party of about 15-20 people. I spent the night having a good time, chatting with her enough to keep her comfortable but not being too overbearing. I went outside the apartment for awhile and hung out with some other friends, giving her a friendly suggestion to socialize a bit and make some new friends.

Now, I'm not sure what was said, but all I know is that about an hour later, she came down to tell me that all my supposed friends (including my roommates) thought I was a douche-bag and that she thought I should know. Wanting to avoid drama, I immediately went upstairs, talked to my roommates in private, and sorted everything out. Turns out that it was a misunderstanding about a small issue, and my roommate apologized for not coming to me directly. So I figured, whatever, no big deal, went back to the party.

Later that night, after babysitting one of the younger guys who was drunk out of his mind, I found out (through my visiting friend) that my roommates had been talking to her about all my "failed exploits" in the sexual department. At this point I'm not sure who to trust. All I'm getting is half of the conversation, and everyone seems to forget what was really said and who said it due to the alcohol.

I'm not sure how to handle this. I want to get along with my roommates, but I can't help but feel really betrayed about all this hearsay and gossip. I thought that at this stage in my life, I was past all that. I've been making lots of friends (or so I thought) and this is the first party that anything like this has happened. Should I directly confront my roommates, or should I just let things go?

I want to trust my friend, and I want to trust my roommates, but it seems like I'm not getting straight answers from anyone. I just want to know that the people that I've considered friends aren't stabbing me in the back.

Thanks for reading.

~ Tee

[ROLCAM]

Keep on trusting everyone.
Alcohol does some strange things to people differently.
It opens the mouth wider and it also
Makes the memory shorter.
I would not have a joint bank account even
With my mother.
Oh I cannot anyway, she is now dead.

[adam_89]

If I was in that situation I would just let things go and not worry about it or you may just end up running in circles and getting nowhere.

[Triysle]

If I was in that situation I would just let things go and not worry about it or you may just end up running in circles and getting nowhere.

This is what I'm afraid will happen. I just wish I was on even ground with the people I have to live with. If our guests have a certain opinion, that's fine, not everyone is going to like me and I accept that. But I have to live with two of those guys, both of which seemed to have some pretty nasty things to say about me.

What kind of person am I if the people I consider my friends are that malicious towards me? I'd hate to meet my enemies in that case :(

~ Tee

[adam_89]

I am sure it isn't as bad as it seems. Alcohol will bring out some things that people don't mean to say or maybe your ex who is now your friend was provoking them to say something, or they just wanted to talk some crap to see if they could get some sense they were drunk. I know when I was drunk I got into a fight with my brother and he is my best friend. I said some things that I didn't mean but I was drunk and got mad.

[N0help4u]

DUMP all your friends and find new more mature ones.
Often when people are drunk they let their true feelings out and sounds like they did just that.
For your 'friends' to even bring up topics like this about you it shows they have a low opinion of you.
If they thought you were a great guy the subjects would never even have entered their thoughts to be saying such things -DRUNK OR NOT
Being drunk only lessened their inhabitions and loosened them up to say their true feelings

Also don't be having parties with underaged drinking if that is what you meant by after babysitting one of the younger guys who was drunk

My daughter went to jail for being asleep in her apartment that her boyfriend was having an underage party and she DID NOT even know there was beer in the house.

[talaniman]

If this is only a first time occurrence then I think your friend may have been the trigger for some nasty comments by some drunks, however, when things sober up, they will be sorry for their bad behavior.

Airing out personal feelings in such a public way may have put you on notice that your roommates are not as close as you think, or maybe not as mature as you think..

My advice is say nothing for now, but pay closer attention to the ones around you before confronting any one. They may not even remember it.

I think I would trust the ones you know well, before I would trust someone you haven't seen in a while, though.

[liz28]

Nohelp he might not have had underage drinkers at his party because I have a friend who is 34b and I have to babysit her when she is drinking. Otherwise she might do something crazy like run around the block naked--did I mention I be drinking to while I am keeping an eye on her. It got to the point where she isn't invited to any of my party nor do I go out with her where liquor is served.

I learnt you will know who your friends are while they are drinking because sometimes liquor gives a person courage to say what they what to say that they can't say when they are sober.

Believe half of what you heard and always follow your instincts. Oh, and keep your eyes open for backstabbers because backstabbers do smile in your face and are good pretenders.

[Triysle]

Thanks for all the responses, folks. It's nice to know that I have a good group to turn to whenever I need help with a confusing situation.

I've had a couple days to put things in perspective, and I realize that when I typed that whole thing the wounds were still very fresh. I've come to accept that sometimes, people are going to have certain opinions of me whether I like it or not. And sometimes, those people will smile to my face and turn right around and talk smack behind my back.

Frankly, I've come to realize that those people really aren't worth my time. I thank you all for the great advice and I'm glad you guys helped me learn from this little incident. :)

~ Tee

[N0help4u]

very good perspective
very true that you amply things in your mind when the wounds are fresh. It happens all the time.
I think you came to the right conclusion as well

From now on keep your eyes and ears open and don't accept everything at face value. Learn to get a feel for what is actually going on before it ends up smacking you in the face