Check out some similar questions!

imzz46 · Oct 25, 2008, 02:47 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 16months. My ex boyfriend and I were together for about 9 months and things didn't end the best. In fact, my ex and I haven't seen each other for nearly 2 years.

Last night my step dad mentioned seeing him and I started to think about how he was. My current boyfriend turned to me and said, "maybe you should catch up with him." Although he was probably joking, I took this comment seriously. I was curious about what my ex had been doing with his life and thought that maybe it would be good to catch up.

I have absolutely no feelings for my ex at all. I was the one who ended it.

I did however, message him today asking how he was and whether he would be interested in meeting up sometime. He eventually wrote back saying that he didn't have a problem catching up and asked me when I was free. We haven't organised an actual time yet, as we are both very busy over the next few weeks with exams and other things, but decided that we'd catch up after that busy period was over.

I told my boyfriend straight away about it and he said it was fine. However, when I told my mum and step dad they were very hesitate about it and said it wasn't healthy. This raised doubts in my mind and made me question if this was the right thing to do.

Is it wrong to catch up with my ex? Is it "unhealthy"? Some advice would really be great!

xxariesxx · Oct 25, 2008, 04:39 AM

I can understand your parent's concern; I imagine you would have been upset when this breakup happened, even if it was what you wanted, and they wouldn't want to see you potentially upset again by seeing this guy.

However if it has been almost 2 years since you've seen him and don't have feelings for him, I don't see why it would not be all right. Unless:
Your boyfriend is just saying it's okay if it's really not. Make sure that he honestly would not mind.
Your ex may still have feelings for you. You don't want to end up potentially stirring up old feelings.

It may be a good idea to meet somewhere public as well, that can reinforce the casual meeting-to-catch-up idea.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 25, 2008, 05:10 AM

What purpose will it do ? Will it help you have a better relationship with your current boyfriend, or does it have a slight maybe at hurting what you have ?

Catch up, OK have your friends that meet him tell you what has changed in his life and you know.

talaniman · Oct 25, 2008, 07:38 AM

Even though your b/f is cool with it, a one time meeting is enough, anything more..

imzz46 · Oct 25, 2008, 05:57 PM

Thanks for the advice. You all make some great points...

I agree talaniman... a one time meeting would certainly be enough... and like xxariesxx said I wouldn't want to stir up old feelings...

I think my current boyfriend is cool about it. I did emphasise to him that I wouldn't go if he didn't want me to. But he's a very relaxed person and not a lot bothers him.

TrueFaith · Oct 25, 2008, 07:37 PM

You want to be carful with boys who act like that.

Normaly they say one thing but inside feel another..

We normaly hide our true emotions to make us not look weak

It could come out in other areas.

I personaly don't see the point of seeing your X

imzz46 · Oct 25, 2008, 09:15 PM

Hmm... Yeah, that's a good point. I don't even really know what made me want to. I guess I just want to see how he's coping... Maybe I shouldn't meet up with him... Soo confused...

imzz46 · Oct 25, 2008, 09:16 PM

By the way when I say "coping", I simply mean with life in general. His mother died last year and he started first year Uni this year, so I know some major changes have happened in his life.

TrueFaith · Oct 25, 2008, 09:49 PM

you have a boyfriend

not to sound cold but you left your X

leave him alone don't give him false hopes.
and you could be damaging your relationship with your new boyfriend.

yet you seem to reall want to meet him.
and you are looking to us for justification.

imzz46 · Oct 26, 2008, 12:17 AM

Lol, I definitely don't have any feelings for him! It was nearly 2 years ago. I remember all the reasons I broke up with him.

My ex knows I have a new boyfriend. He doesn't care at all.

But you are right to say that I do have another boyfriend and that I should just leave my ex alone.

daisydew · Oct 26, 2008, 12:45 AM

I tend to be a firm believer that relationships with exes isn't really appropriate. I know a lot of people disagree. Why risk the chance of maybe stirring up old feelings. Your current boyfriend might just be saying he is okay with it, and he really isn't. What's the point of possibly complicating things?

Molecular · Oct 26, 2008, 01:41 AM

I agree with most people in here that it's probably a bad idea to meet your ex. It's fair enough that you can say you're completely over him, and we all believe you, particularly because you're the one who broke it off, but there's a fair chance your ex-boyfriend might still get the feeling that some old feelings are coming back to life when you meet up with him again. He probably doesn't need this.

Furthermore, it most definitely bothers your current boyfriend, even if it's just on a very small note. The whole thing seems rather shabby to me, to be fair. You said you dated your ex for 7 months? And this was two years ago? Just doesn't seem like it was all that serious enough to warrant a "catchup" now. It's an idea with more risks than benefits, to be fair.

imzz46 · Oct 26, 2008, 11:19 PM

Yeah, very true. Thanks everyone for your help.