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kinky_kathy2006 · Oct 3, 2006, 04:48 AM

First post here...

Me and my boyfriend have lived together for 9 months now, although we have been with together for 2 years, I recently found out that before he met me when he was 18/19 he slept with 2 girls at the same time (a two-some) since he told me this I haven't been able to forget it and can't stand to be near him. I know that it was his past and I should accept it and move on, but I'm finding it really hard. He said that he enjoyed it and that it was good, and although I'm not over confident in the bedroom I'm even worse now, and am constantly worrying if I'm good enough, or if he is enjoying himself with me as much as he did in the two-some, or worried that he is trying to recreate the feeling he got in the two-some whilst with me. Am I being silly or not? Its really getting me down, because I do love him very much, but I can't seem to let it go! Help me! :(

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 04:58 AM

Hi Kinky.

Firstly it was a threesome he had not a twosome, a twosome is what you and your boyfriend do alone, a threesome was him plus the 2 girls. Just to clarify :)

Anyway, I somehow can comprehend how you feel.
Im married to a man I love, he never had a threesome but when I meet him we discussed past sexual encounters etc.
I was inocent, while he wasn't. I used to get very jealous and like you worried if I'm good enough in bed in comparison to all the other girls he had before me. It took me a while but after a few months I started to realise how silly am I to worry about the past. Why worry when I can't change the past!

Think that he is now with you... You are the present and could be the future too!
You can control the present and future but not the past, and seeing as you are his present picture you can control that.

Don't worry.

kinky_kathy2006 · Oct 3, 2006, 05:33 AM

Thanks Krs,

I know that I am the present and the past is the past, I just don't see why he felt the need to bring it up in our relationship when it happened so many years ago, and why he felt the need to tell me how good it was and how nice. It was as almost as if he was telling me something. Which has made me worry even more. But why do I suddenly get the feeling that I don't want to be anywhere near him, when I love him so much?

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 05:39 AM

Maybe he wanted to be completely honest with you and didn't want you find out second hand?
Or he is hinting something?

Who knows.

Why don't you ask him. Stay calm and don't show you are jealous just play out that you are really intrigued.

Why do you think you don't want to be near him?
How old are you both?

talaniman · Oct 3, 2006, 05:43 AM

Stop worrying so much. The big part of any relationship is talking to each other so maybe he wants to come clean and be honest and upfront. Ask him.

kinky_kathy2006 · Oct 3, 2006, 05:45 AM

Would there be any need for me to find out from some one else? Why would anyone want to stir things like that? Maybe he is hinting something but if he is, indicating another threesome (got it right this time) then I would not be able to go through with it.

I don't feel jealous I don't think, I feel let down, hurt and upset and at the same time mad and that's why I don't want to be near him. I don't even know why when its not like he's cheated on me!

Im 21 and he's 25

Thanks, but I just don't see why he needed to tell me after nearly 6 years. If it was the past, why didn't he let it stay their, and why would he feel the need to tell me how good it was for him?

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 06:03 AM

I thought you guys been together 2 years and now you said 6.

As Tal said.. STOP worrying you are only going to make yourself worse seriously.

I genuinley think he was just being honest with you, and wanted you to know the truth!

Is he your first sexual partner? If u don't mind me asking

kinky_kathy2006 · Oct 3, 2006, 06:07 AM

No we have been together for 2 years but it was 6 years ago that he had the threesome! If it had been a bad experience then fine, but to tell the person you live with that you had a 3 some and it was excellent just to be honest with me, when their was no need If I'm honest I rather he hadn't told me at all.
Hes not my first sexual parnter, I have been with 4 other people before him.

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 06:12 AM

YOu either let it go before it drives you mad or else you ask directly and calmly why he told you and why now and did he have to tell you it was good.

Put it this way... no offence guys.. buy any guy I'm sure would find a threesome enjoyable.

talaniman · Oct 3, 2006, 06:34 AM

I would have to ask my wife if I would enjoy it or not??

Seriously, I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Six years ago? Come on, is it woth it? I don't think so.

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 06:35 AM

You are funny Tal :D lol

kinky_kathy2006 · Oct 3, 2006, 06:39 AM

Well that makes me feel a whole load better! Clearly he was hinting then that 2 women is better than one! I can't compete with 2 so maybe I should let him go!

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 06:42 AM

Chill women...
Breath in, breath out.

I really don't think there was anything behind him telling you about this episode. Just ask him..

Any man.. prob including my hubby would say he would enjoy it in bed with 2 women. That's men.. period.. lol.

kinky_kathy2006 · Oct 3, 2006, 06:44 AM

I know, I'm gong to try talking to him tonight.

But I just think that he was being selfish as he knows that I'm not that confident in bed anyway, and for himto bring this up and brag about how good it was upset me!

talaniman · Oct 3, 2006, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by kinky_kathy2006

Well that makes me feel a whole load better! Clearly he was hinting then that 2 women is better than one! I can't compete with 2 so maybe i should let him go!

In a relationship the communication level has to be one that you can talk about anything and ask questions about anything and if you can't handle that then maybe you should leave him alone. But if you think that this little conversation is too much and not ask him what he meant then he's not the problem YOU are.

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 06:46 AM

Well you tell him that.. exactly how you told me.

He probably doesn't even know you don't feel confident in bed...
Communication is the key in a relationship.

That sentence is the no. 1 sentence here at AMHD when it comes to relationships, only because it makes perfect sense and is true.

CaliforniaOrange · Oct 3, 2006, 06:56 AM

I gave bad advice on this one, I take responsibility for it.

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by CaliforniaOrange

My point is, if you didn't live together and you had waited till marriage to have sex, this issue would not be as magnified.

Why not?
Im curious to know.

kinky_kathy2006 · Oct 3, 2006, 07:34 AM

Im curious too! If your husband told you something like this on your wedding night on your first time of being together, wouldn't you wonder why? Would you not think, "why is he telling me how good it felt to be with 2 women at the same time"?

Krs · Oct 3, 2006, 08:01 AM

Well I personally think that marriage or pre-marital sex doesn't have anthing to do with this problem... none what so ever.

But Kinky this happened 6 years ago, don't worry, just forget it.
You will drive yourself mad asking yourself all these questions, please let it go.
Be strong, be confident and enjoy it with your man.. he is YOURS.