[definitelymaybe]

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year. There was a period where we took a break for about month because he needed to see where his feelings were. During this time he was with a different girl and realized it wasn't working out and came back to me and I gave him a second chance. WE got back together and everything was fine. Then I found out he had been making contact with this girl again and hanging out with her. When I questioned him about it he said he just wanted closure with her. And I believed him. He told me all these things about her and how she is psycho and he would never go back with her because she is disgusting, etc, etc. Then out of nowhere, he broke up with me because he "needed to be single, and couldn't handle the committment" I didn't understand this because it was literally out of nowhere. He said the relationship stressed him out and told me not to think it was for another girl, and that our break up meant nothing for the girl he was with for a month briefly. I believed him, and thought that we needed to go our separate ways and he really just wanted to be single. A week later, a friend told me they had been hooking up while we were dating. I couldn't believe it and when I confronted him about it he denied it completely. For some reason, I still believed him because the girl he was supposedly hooking up with was notorious for lying and making things up. So the next week, they are all of a sudden together and all over each other in soon. I ask my ex to talk because I have some things to say to him and he flat out refuses to talk to me because he simply "doesn't want to" and he gave me attitude talking to me like I was dirt. This confused me so much because I didn't do anything wrong. I realized now that he definitely cheated because they got together so quickly. I am so disappointed in both of them and can't stop thinking about them being together and the fact that he said he needs to be single and not tied down to anyone. He lied to me so much and completely betrayed my trust and now he won't talk to me at all. He hasn't even talked to me about the situation and it hurts so much because I just want answers. I have so much anger and hatred for both of them and I don't understand how they can be together and not have any remorse about it and how they can rub it in my face by making out in front of me at school or wherever and not feel bad. They are obviously both selfish scumbags and I just don't know what to make of the situation or how to deal with it. It's all I think about. I'm going off to college in the fall but I want more than anything for him to apologize because he was really close to me and this is a huge lifestyle change for me. As much as I hate him, I want him to come to his senses and realize what he did. I'm most scared that he won't because that will just show that I meant nothing to him, and that hurts so much. Please help, I just need to see this all in a new light so I can move on. :(

[positiveparent]

You had a relationship and its ended.

Its only right you feel hurt over it, and now you've discovered that as well as ending it with you he's now going with another girl, I know you're hurting, because he lied and he cheated.

Im sure you'll be told by friends and well meaning others to forget him. I agree with this, but you also need to have time for yourself, and time to heal, which won't be over night.

If its of any consolation you're better off without him, he cheated he lied, he did this to you no doubt he will do the same with her.

You have got your whole life in front of you, you'll eventually go on and in time find the right one for you you'll maybe have other relationships, in between now and when you meet mr right, some are not meant to last others are, and some are midway between the two.

Don't expect any reasons or answers from him, this happens in relationships everyday, they end and one of the parties in them never gets to know what if anything went wrong.

I recommend you concentrate on your studies and yourself, forget this boy he's a cheater, and lied to you, you can and will find a better b/f but for now you can only do the best you can to get over this love rat, one day at a time. You will survive it. In time..

Good luck and I hope this helps if ony a little...

[talaniman]

I think you let this idiot go as I doubt he gives you the satisfaction of an apology or anything else. He never has, and never will.

That's how lying cheaters are, selfish and conniving to get what they want and the hell with you, so steer clear of them in the future.

[parisrose]

I am sorry this has happened, I know it really sucks when you think everything is going good then it gets destroyed.
I know you are hurt but you need to stop talking with you ex immediately.

Try also to get in the mind set how you are so much better with out him. Eventually your pain will go away. You should be happy you aren't dating a cheater and liar. Be thankful you found out now instead of months or even years from now.

Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.

Every time you see them at school just look the other way and laugh inside, You are the one who won here.

[aimee_tt]

Don't spend another minute waiting for him to apologise because you will be waiting a life time.

Instead thank full he set you free. You are now away from him the cheating scum bag!

She deserves him and don't worry she will get what she deserves when he leaves her for the next flavour of the month!

You are so much better off without them! Surround yourself with REAL friends and family. Never look back.

He is trash to you now! All you have to do is get him out of your head and into the trash can.

You will find someone better and live happily. I feel sorry for him as he seems to have lost a great girl.

Keep your head up, ignore them at school but be polite. If they make fun of you just laugh with them and walk off. Don't fight back that's letting them win.

Put a smile on your face.

[Devorameira]

He obviously was cheating on you during your relationship and there’s no way he’ll apologize because he’s a true jerk! I know you don't think so right now, but you're probably quite lucky for this relationship to end.

Most of the time when guys leave one girl for another, it never works out. Also remember that if he left you for her, he’ll l probably leave her for someone else eventually. The honeymoon state of mind that he may be in with her right now will eventually turn into a routine. Guys have a tendency to get bored once things turn routine.

With this being said, if he does end up getting bored with her, he may try crawling back to you when things don’t work out with her. If he does try crawling back to you, hopefully by then you will see clearly what a cheating jerk is and not give him the time of day.

Dust yourself off, keep moving forward and do not waste your time looking back at where you have been. If it did not work out the first time, it will not work out the next time.

You deserve much more than you were getting from him. You’ll find a new boyfriend that will treat you right. Keep smiling! It WILL get better.

[definitelymaybe]

Threads merged.


I've gone out to a few parties since the break up and unfortunately he's been in attendance as well. His friends make it really uncomfortable and make awkward comments about us both being there. Last night I was at a party and I left a little early. I heard this morning that he went later on in the night and got extremely drunk and high among other things. He was throwing up excessively and ended up passing out and he wasn't moving and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He was non responsive and every time he woke, he'd throw up more. He almost had to go to the hospital but someone called his parents to come pick him up. When I heard about this I got really scared. I obviously still care about him because those feelings just didn't disappear yet. Maybe it's a bad thing that I still care because I will just be setting myself up for disappointment because he doesn't care that I care but I am genuiniely concerned for his safety and I don't know if I should contact him just to see if he's okay. I don't know if it's a good idea because I've gone NC for 2 weeks but I really just want to know how he's doing after last night. Maybe if I don't contact him maybe one of his family members? Please help :(

[talaniman]

You stay with NC, that's what you do, because what good is your caring for an idiot who drinks himself sick, in public no less.

Stay NC!!

[definitelymaybe]

I hate hearing things about my ex through mutual friends but sometimes I can't help talking about him with them. But it has been less and less recently. Basically, we were together, we took a break for a month and he got with another girl, then we got back together for another 8 months and he cheated on me with the same girl and then broke up with me. I found out from a friend that him and this girl are getting pretty serious and he also said that the first time me and him were together he "really liked me" but the second time around, he claimed "it didn't feel right" Why would he say this when we were dating for 8 months after we took a break and that's when we realized we loved each other? I just don't get that if him saying this is true, why he would stay in a relationship that didn't feel right to him for 8 months. I shouldn't be thinking about what he said but it just baffles me because maybe he is trying to justify breaking up with me and being with a new girl to the person he was talking to, to make himself feel better? I don't know, because the second time we were together felt fine to me and he didn't show any signs or emotions that it didn't feel fine to him. I don't know how to interpret this...

[redhed35]

Could I ask what age you both are please.

[definitelymaybe]

18

[redhed35]

Perhaps he never really made an emotional connection to you,but did with the other girl,they just clicked in a way you two didn't,maybe he just got back together with you because it was what he knew.

Going over the past will drive you crazy,trying to figure out his motives and wondering why,you may never know the real reason.

What you do know,is he is with someone else now,and your free to move on,allow yourself time heal before you start another relationship.

Date lots of guys,see your friends,Don't listen to any news on what he is saying or doing,its not your problem now,you are footloose and fancy free,enjoy that.

Even though when you got back together it felt right to you,no one can really tell what's going on in anothers heart or mind.

[hheath541]

Sometimes, it's only possible to understand a relationship after it's over. Maybe there was something 'off' the second time around that he chose to ignore for 8 months and is just now coming to understand.

I was once in a relationship for 9 months after deciding to break up with him. A friend talked me out of actually doing so and I convinced myself, for the next 9 months, that my doubts and the general feeling of something being 'off' either were all in my head or weren't good enough reasons to end things.

It's hard to end a relationship. Especially when you care for the other person. It sounds like he let his desire not to hurt you convince him to give the relationship another shot, and then refused to give up, for 8 months, once he'd committed himself to trying again.

Humans have an amazing ability to think ourselves into, and out of, almost any situation. Letting your head overrule your heart, or convincing yourself that what you think is right isn't, is a lot easier than most people realize.

[definitelymaybe]

So I've been NC for 3 weeks... and I'm doing a LOT better. I hardly talk about the situation anymore because I am just so sick of talking about it. This morning on the radio I heard a segment on "signs that your not over your ex" and one of them was overlapping relationships onto your previous one... This is exactly what my ex did and it makes me wonder if he is over me or not. He told me he was when he broke up with me because he already decided on breaking up a week later.. I just wonder what the truth in that is because he was with a different girl the week before up until our break up and after.. These are just little things I become curious about on occasion... since we don't communicate at all it gives me less to think about, but I still do. There are some days when I feel very lonely and it's hard to go about normal life. I constantly think why the girl is with my ex still because he is just playing her and I wonder how she can be so stupid to put up with him and be with him. I'm leaving for college next month!! I just don't want them to be together anymore, especially when I leave. I don't think their relationship is going to be successful or last but it just sucks, and I hate thinking about it... I just need some advice or wise words to snap out of it :(

[Cat1864]

Think of it this way. He probably got into the relationship with you the same way he is with her. She may not know the full story (those who relationship hop get very good at spinning stories that sound good to the next person). She will learn. If she does know the full story, then she will learn she can't change him when he moves on again.

He is her problem now. Not yours. She hasn't won anything. You did by getting rid of him however that occurred, even if it doesn't feel that way.

It sounds like you are trying to do the best you can to help yourself heal. Add one thing: ignore all references to either him or the other woman. From this point forward, make new friends and get involved in new activities that help keep you from feeling quite so lonely.

Don't chain yourself to memories of him or thoughts of 'why'. You're free-have fun.

[talaniman]

Look at it like this, your free to find real happiness after a proper healing.

[definitelymaybe]

My ex who cheated on me and dumped me before I found out was at a friends house that I went to last week. As soon as I left to go somewhere else, he kept asking why I was going there and wanted to know what I was doing. We have not seen each other in a month and also haven't spoken in at least a month. He's been with the girl he cheated on me with. He also found out some other stuff about and how I have a life now and was talking to my friends and sounded a little jealous. The next night, I was hanging out in center of my town and he drove by me and beeped just to be an a**hole. The next night, he texted me at 3 in the morning saying "k u" We literally have not conversed for at least 6 weeks. I also found out that him and his new girl are always fighting and always on bad terms. I've ignored all this but I wanted to ask the people of this website if this is significant in any way, like why would he randomly text me? I haven't texted, called, talked to or done anything to him that is worthy of receiving a "k u" message. I'm a little bitter that him and her are fighting and on bad terms because I basically got screwed over for nothing. :( please enlighten me

[Shadowburn]

There is nothing significant. Things with his new girlfriend are going bad, so he is testing waters to see if you still want him. You're doing all the right things, keeping NC and moving on and obviously having better life than he is. Forget about him, he does not deserve you. Keep doing what you're doing and in no time there will be a better guy for you. Don't feel bitter like you've got screwed for nothing - it's the other way around. He is a scumbag and cheater and got what he deserved.

Good luck.

[definitelymaybe]

Where it says k u, it should say f*** u


But thank you. I appreciate it. Why would he test me though? He made it pretty clear he wants nothing to do with me and avoids me like I am the black plague...

[Shadowburn]

where it says k u, it should say f*** u


but thank you. i appreciate it. why would he test me though? he made it pretty clear he wants nothing to do with me and avoids me like i am the black plague...

Because he is a user and you're his fallback. Because he is selfish and doesn't want to be single and look at his life and see that his every relationship failed. Because he knows you cared for him and thinks he can still have you at his beck and call. Could be million different reasons... bottom line is who cares really. He cheated on you and dumped you, so don't waste one more second of your precious time on a guy like that. You're obviously doing better than him, and that's your sweet revenge, so don't let him screw it. Keep NC.