well this is my story:
I've been going out with an older guy. I'm 18 and hes 33. our relationship is good. but sometimes he does this thing where he disappears. he doesn't call me or text me or anything for a whole day. most of the time hes either drinking or doing drugs type ! he did that on Sunday and today he got mad. saying that i need to stop trying to control him and that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean hes dead or something like that. but it hurts when he says these things to me because all i want is to take care of him. i don't want him to drink. and when he does this...i end up getting really depressed and have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of cutting (which I'm trying to stop!!!) i love this man so much! he is my first boyfriend the first person i love and the person i lost my virginity to. I'm afraid hes bored of me. that he realizes that he already got what he wanted so now he can leave me and forget me. it just hurts soooo bad. and every day i feel like I'm loosing myself little by little...i just cant take it sometimes! even my friends tel me that i look sad all the time and they want to see me happy again. i just don't know what to do!! i don't want to leave him! hes my everything!!!!! sometimes i just wish i could die...maybe then i wouldn't be a bother to him anymore...i don't know i just need someone to help me!

GlindaofOz

You need to get this man out of your life immediately. He is not a good person for you to be around. Someone who abuses alcohol and drugs and treat you as if you are not important is not a good boyfriend. You deserve to be loved, cherished and treated with respect. You deserve to be loved the way you need to be love. No one has the right to diminish your feelings and make you feel bad enough to cut yourself.

Please run far away from him. Also, cutting is very serious behavior. Have you ever spoken to a counselor? They would be able to help you feel better about yourself and not feel the need to cut.

Princess_gama

im to scared to! not that he would ever hurt me. im just scared to lose him...ive just grown tooo attached to him. he sais he loves me..but some times i just hear him say it..but i dont feel it.

no ive never seen a counselor. i dont want to go on medications or nothing like that. i dont want anyone else to know.

GlindaofOz

Someone who loves you would not treat you this way. His actions are not those of love.

What are you scared of? Are you scared that you won't have anyone else? That's nothing to worry about. You will find someone who really loves you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. What you are saying is that you are simply addicted to him. Well any addiction is bad too much of anything is bad. You need to go cold turkey on this. What he does start to physically abuse you? Would you stay then? You need to set boundaries for yourself.

Please reconsider seeing a counselor. If you do not want to take drugs they will not force you. There job is not to get you on drugs its to help you deal with things in your life and help you see when you are doing things that are negatively effecting you. The fact that you do not want to admit to the cutting scares me greatly. Keeping behaviors secret is not good. I feel very concerned for you. Are your parents still in your life? Do you have good relationships with anyone in your family?

Princess_gama

thats exactly what im scared of! i mean i had a few guys wanting to go out with me but i ended up choosing HIM. but at first he was loving. he would ask me what was wrong if i was sad. he was there for me. now..its like hes over it cuz he already got sex. so i think...was he only nice to me to get what he wanted? is that it. as for physicall abuse..he wouldnt. i mean ive been around it since i was little. so to me its a kinda norm. i remember saying once "if i annoy you just tell me to shut up, and if you want you can hit me. im used to being around it anyways"...yeah he was mad and said to never tell him that again cuz i meant the world to him . and he would never hurt me.

ive admited to my cutting...i have a few friends who know. and HE knows...my parents found out last year. they just pretended nothing was wrong. so we never talked about it. right now my relationship with them is really bad. they say they are tired of me and my brother. that they want to leave...ive heard them talking about it in secret!

GlindaofOz

okay. your boyfriend USED to treat you good. You should never stay with someone because they used to treat you good. You stay because they always treat you good. Not sometimes, not every now and again. Your boyfriend should make you feel good all the time. You should not spend more time upset, crying feeling hurt then you do feeling good. Its quite possible that he wanted to sleep with and he did sleep with you and now he is done. Some guys are jerks. It doesn't mean that you are not worth loving. All it means is this clown didn't care about all the wonderful things about you, he only cared about one thing.

I still think you would benefit from a counselor. Growing up in an abusive environment has effects on you now whether you realize it or not. If you can't afford it you can contact the dept of health and human services and your town. They have counselors who work there where you pay on a sliding scale. You can get help for as little as $5. Local colleges and universities with graduate degrees in psychology are even better. Students getting advanced degrees in psych need to practice and you can be a patient for them at no cost. There is no reason to not get help. Not only with the cutting but you also seem to suffer from low self esteem.

Girls your age who go through this really break my heart. I know how hard it is to be confronted with a first love who used you. I wish I could just give you a hug and let you know it will be okay.

I have to leave but I will be on later. so if I don't reply to a message don't think that I stopped caring I just will be away from my computer.

specialwendy

you know pricess. It's so ironic that your user name is princess because you knw sometimes we have to cherish and love ourselves so much that we wont settle for less. I feel that you really have to believe in you and have enough self worth to make some hard but good decisions in our life. I am the right one to talk because I went through a similar situation myself

Princess_gama

Thank you sooo much for your help. im hopefully going to talk with him today. we were talking earlyer but he hung up on me while i was talking. the really hard part is that we work in the same place so its really sad seeing him there,
but i really want to try and move on. its just really hard right now. you've helped me so much. thank you. i appreciate it :]

Princess_gama

i chose this name cuz thats the nick name i gave him. weird huh? its hard for me to have to think about myself though. im used to thinking of others first and me later. i get hurt a lot but as long as others are okay then to me its the right thing to do. i dont want to be selfish so thats why i never put myself first.

GlindaofOz

That is trapping that most women fall into. We put others feelings, needs, wants and dreams ahead of our own. To put your wants, needs, feelings and dreams before anyone else's is not being selfish its saying I love myself enough to know that I deserve to have my wants, needs and dreams fulfilled and that my feelings are valid. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You deserve happiness. Its a hard concept for a lot of women to get. You deserve good things in life, you really do. There is no reason for you to spend one minute unhappy in your life. If something is making you unhappy and you have the ability to change that thing, why wouldn't you? If anything gets in the way of you loving yourself and respecting yourself you just knock that thing away from you.