well this is my story:
I've been going out with an older guy. I'm 18 and hes 33. our relationship is good. but sometimes he does this thing where he disappears. he doesn't call me or text me or anything for a whole day. most of the time hes either drinking or doing drugs type ! he did that on Sunday and today he got mad. saying that i need to stop trying to control him and that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean hes dead or something like that. but it hurts when he says these things to me because all i want is to take care of him. i don't want him to drink. and when he does this...i end up getting really depressed and have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of cutting (which I'm trying to stop!!!) i love this man so much! he is my first boyfriend the first person i love and the person i lost my virginity to. I'm afraid hes bored of me. that he realizes that he already got what he wanted so now he can leave me and forget me. it just hurts soooo bad. and every day i feel like I'm loosing myself little by little...i just cant take it sometimes! even my friends tel me that i look sad all the time and they want to see me happy again. i just don't know what to do!! i don't want to leave him! hes my everything!!!!! sometimes i just wish i could die...maybe then i wouldn't be a bother to him anymore...i don't know i just need someone to help me!

s_cianci

This man does not sound very dependable. Personally I'd break it off with him and get counseling for your emotional issues that lead you to make unhealthy choices such as this.

lacuran8626

He is far too old for you, he's far to disinterested in considering your feelings, he's manipulating your emotions by disappearing, and his drug and alcohol problem is more than a phase at his age. He is a detriment to you in a thousand ways. I recommend you get some counseling to boost your self-esteem and work through breaking up with him immediately. YOu are trying to find what you are missing in yourself by being with him, and he will never fill that void. Love does not feel the way you are describing and you are going to find it, but can't begin to be open to it until he's out of the picture. When the right man is around for you, you will recognize him because istead of this frantic worry, self-doubt, and whirling emotion you will feel steady, safe, content and calm.

You are in love with the idea of a boyfriend, but can't possibly love someone who doesn't have more consideration for himself and for you, or self- care priorities to at the very least get off of drugs.

angie_needs_help_101

dump him now because later on u will regret this u need to stop dating older guys! really older! u need to dat e guys ur own age they r the right guys no older guys!

nicespringgirl

Not just your problem, Princess. Many women, most of my friends, would tell me that "oh, he is really nice, he smiles all the time,blah, blah..."
Well, you tell me who is going to act rude(on purpose) to get a chick?Who is going to show all his bad habits to get a chick?
Men are not dumb, women who think men are dumb are dumb. It takes long time to figure out a guy.
Good luck, and I know you are doing better and I am sure you will eventually get through it

Princess_gama

GlindaofOz

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!
YAY!!!!!
<BIG HUG>

However, I think that maybe you two should not see each other until you have both worked on your issues. It may be too hard for you to get better or move on with him still in our life.

Princess_gama

thank you ^^

well i still have to see him cuz we work together. and i cant exactly quit right now since im going to college and i need the money! but im gonna talk to him later so we finish figuring our problems out. and yeah today since i broke it off with him in the morning and then i saw him at work. it was sooo hard. i just wanted to break down. and i did cry a little but im okay now. im begining to accept the break up a little more

GlindaofOz

It takes time.

One of our members Ash123 wrote a great guide to surviving a break up here is the link:
http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...ghlight=Ash123

It is totally normal to mourn this relationship and to feel hurt. Its hard to do the right things for ourself sometimes. I am so incredibly proud of you for doing this. It is the right thing to do. People need to be healthy to be in a relationship or else problems erupt. What until you start with counseling things will get so much better for you. I'm also really happy to hear your in college. Have you checked in with them? Most colleges have counselors on staff to help students at no cost. I'd start there since its free.

Princess_gama

Thank you^^ im really glad you care so much for me. my friend is going to go with me to see the counselor^^ she actyally wants to take counseling too :] and i suport her. we want to go to like a group counceling cuz she doesnt want to be alone! shes having trouble with her parents and she used to cutt too (i got her to stop doing that. i even checked her arms and legs for a whole month!!!) but now shes okay^^

GlindaofOz

I'm so glad to hear that! However the counselor may suggest individual sessions as the two of your progress since you share a common behavior but not common situations. But how wonderful to have someone to lean on during this time. You guys can support one another through all of this and how awesome will it be to see the changes in one another and help each other if you stumble.