well this is my story:
I've been going out with an older guy. I'm 18 and hes 33. our relationship is good. but sometimes he does this thing where he disappears. he doesn't call me or text me or anything for a whole day. most of the time hes either drinking or doing drugs type ! he did that on Sunday and today he got mad. saying that i need to stop trying to control him and that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean hes dead or something like that. but it hurts when he says these things to me because all i want is to take care of him. i don't want him to drink. and when he does this...i end up getting really depressed and have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of cutting (which I'm trying to stop!!!) i love this man so much! he is my first boyfriend the first person i love and the person i lost my virginity to. I'm afraid hes bored of me. that he realizes that he already got what he wanted so now he can leave me and forget me. it just hurts soooo bad. and every day i feel like I'm loosing myself little by little...i just cant take it sometimes! even my friends tel me that i look sad all the time and they want to see me happy again. i just don't know what to do!! i don't want to leave him! hes my everything!!!!! sometimes i just wish i could die...maybe then i wouldn't be a bother to him anymore...i don't know i just need someone to help me!
Princess to make others happy you must first be happy your self! I was in a similar relationship with a nut who stayed spun out all the time. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE trust me on this. It got so bad for me I was stuck in Cali with no $ just the cloths on my back no ID and trying to get home to Texas. Things can get realy bad. As to the not calling for a whole day I dont think thats to big of a deal I mean you guys arent married or any thing right? I am now in a relationship with a man 21 yrs older than me and he is great things will work out for you it just takes time. There are so many men out there who will treat you good dont take s*it from just this one leave him he is not worthy.
Princess to make others happy you must first be happy your self! I was in a similar relationship with a nut who stayed spun out all the time. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE trust me on this. It got so bad for me I was stuck in Cali with no $ just the cloths on my back no ID and trying to get home to Texas. Things can get realy bad. As to the not calling for a whole day I dont think thats to big of a deal I mean you guys arent married or any thing right? I am now in a relationship with a man 21 yrs older than me and he is great things will work out for you it just takes time. There are so many men out there who will treat you good dont take s*it from just this one leave him he is not worthy.
We are actually engaged. yeah. we were in the process of planning our wedding...but i decided to leave him alone for a few days. i understand why hes acting this way...about 3 months ago he lost his 10 year old son to cancer...its hard on him to accept it. the other day i told him it would be okay and he lost it! he yelled at me saying "how can you say that to me?!!! i never want to stop loving him and i never want to stop missing him!!" i never meant for him to take it the wrong way. and hes been acting mean because its his way of coping with the loss...i hurt him...and i deserve to be punished for hurting him so bad...i just wish that things could go back to how they used to be. back to when a small kiss and holding hands was enought to make him happy...back to when i smiled...but im scared that we will never go back to that.
right now im trying to find a councelor its really hard though. cuz i dont want my parents to know so im keeping it from them. but the hard part is how am i gonna pay for it?! i cant do anything on my own! and im starting to feel like im falling apart...
I just read your OP, seems like he has no good qualities at all.
Why would you like him?
I think to like someone it has to have many reasons...just my opinion, I could be wrong, but why would you like a man who does drug and drinks a lot?
Princess, if you are truly going to live like a princess you might want something that seems more obvious to an outsider than to you right now:
Your relationship will never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never never ever ever never ever ever never never ever never never ever....work.
I know you love him, but he is not stable and right now neither are you.
So....even if he goes to rehab, it will be a lifelong battle and he does not seem to have basic civility with you on a daily basis.
If you talk to your parents they will understand. I hope. Regardless, This will take many months to get over - so be prepared for it to not be easy. But you need a THERAPIST - NOW. For recovery from this relationship and for cutting....(Their are resources available and often your doctor can give you names..)
I am glad you reached out, and I hope it is possible for you to get on the road to recovery. It will not be easy, but choosing another road will be far worse.
right now im trying to find a councelor its really hard though. but the hard part is how am i gonna pay for it?! i cant do anything on my own! and im starting to feel like im falling apart...
Princess I told you exactly how to do so. It will can cost you nothing to as little as $5 a session.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GlindaofOz
If you can't afford it you can contact the dept of health and human services and your town. They have counselors who work there where you pay on a sliding scale. You can get help for as little as $5. Local colleges and universities with graduate degrees in psychology are even better. Students getting advanced degrees in psych need to practice and you can be a patient for them at no cost. There is no reason to not get help. Not only with the cutting but you also seem to suffer from low self esteem.
We are actually engaged. yeah. we were in the process of planning our wedding...but i decided to leave him alone for a few days. i understand why hes acting this way...about 3 months ago he lost his 10 year old son to cancer...its hard on him to accept it. the other day i told him it would be okay and he lost it! he yelled at me saying "how can you say that to me?!!! i never want to stop loving him and i never want to stop missing him!!" i never meant for him to take it the wrong way. and hes been acting mean because its his way of coping with the loss...i hurt him...and i deserve to be punished for hurting him so bad...i just wish that things could go back to how they used to be. back to when a small kiss and holding hands was enought to make him happy...back to when i smiled...but im scared that we will never go back to that.
right now im trying to find a councelor its really hard though. cuz i dont want my parents to know so im keeping it from them. but the hard part is how am i gonna pay for it?! i cant do anything on my own! and im starting to feel like im falling apart...
Girl believe me I know how you fell no matter how bad my X was to me for some odd reason I always wanted to stay looking back at it now all I remember are the bad things wich took up 99% of the relationship any ways and we to were engaged for about a year I cant say for sure but I truly hope you see the light before you are in a flucked up situation like I was.I understand he went and is still going through a hard time over the loss of his son. But he is misplacing his hurt on you and that is not healthy. It can easly turn to violance and thats when the S*IT realy hits the fan. You will have many bruises and un happy visits to the emergency room each time thinking it only happened once I know as you read this you are like this wont happen to me and i know no matter what any one says to you you will stay untill you are ready to leave him but know this you are not alone
I just read your OP, seems like he has no good qualities at all.
Why would you like him?
I think to like someone it has to have many reasons...just my opinion, I could be wrong, but why would you like a man who does drug and drinks a lot?
when i first met him. he was the nicest man in the world. he has a sense of humor always smiling and laughing. he was the first person EVER to tell he he loved me (not even my parents have told me they love me!!!) but i didnt just see the happy person he was. i also saw sadness in his eyes. and i wanted to help him. and friendship turned to love. and i just found out through my friend that he is still at his ex's house
Oh kiddo. This is no good. You cannot save someone they have to want to help themselves. Young girls fall into this trap so often. You cannot rescue him or make yourself responsible for his happiness.
If he is at his ex's house why are you not ending this? Darling I really think he is stringing you along.
would you do me a favor? call your local dept of health and human services and inquire about counseling, please?
Girl believe me I know how you fell no matter how bad my X was to me for some odd reason I always wanted to stay looking back at it now all I remember are the bad things wich took up 99% of the relationship any ways and we to were engaged for about a year I cant say for sure but I truly hope you see the light before you are in a flucked up situation like I was.I understand he went and is still going through a hard time over the loss of his son. But he is misplacing his hurt on you and that is not healthy. It can easly turn to violance and thats when the S*IT realy hits the fan. You will have many bruises and un happy visits to the emergency room each time thinking it only happened once I know as you read this you are like this wont happen to me and i know no matter what any one says to you you will stay untill you are ready to leave him but know this you are not alone
thank you so much. my storry really does sound a lot like yours. its very hard cuz hes my first love. he texted me last night saying he loved me. i told him i loved him too with all my heart. im trying hard to let go. but when ever i look at pictured of the two of us...i cant help but start crying...and my heart breaks again. and then i wish i had never met him...because if i hadnt i would never have felt this way...but then i regret wishing that and just pray that he will find the right path. i already took 3 days off of work so that i dont see him for a while. my manager talked to me and said that i need to leave HIM alone for a while. and i know that. yet, its still so hard to not look at that cell and dial his #...even though he never answers my calls anymore...but like i told my best friend. im tired of crying. im tired of feeling alone. i want to be the old me! the girl who always smiled and was happy...I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND I DESERVE TO BE ABLE TO SMILE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! and even though its gonna take me some time. i know i can do it! time will heal all.
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