At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
Hello , My daughter is 26 and has been in 2 rehabs. one just a month ago . she called me up and I drove over state to get her and she told me she wanted help . Ok I put her in rehab and later halfway house this time because I felt she needed a longer stay to stay off drugs . well she comes back to my home after that and we agreed she would do meeting and look for work and save up her money and be own her own by 1 year etc well she lasted a week and when I came home she had took off with my Hd truck which was old and our check book and credit cards . She disappeared again . She did write me a letter saying she tore up check book and she knows she has blown it etc but she found a place to live and has a job etc etc . well So far she has wrote $400.00 in bad checks on us . Should we go to police and file warrant on her for checks and truck ?.
This has made me sick to the point I can not eat , sleep .
I hate to put my daughter in Jail and when we do this we are talking 10 or more years in Jail . I got my whole family on my back about this . I just do not see the point . I say just change the checking accts and Let her Go ! I will never let her back into my home and wish to not talk or see her again And I will tell her so if she ever calls me again . It hurts but I am fed up and our realionship is over .
I hate to say this but she has done this to us once before . So I have learned my lesson !
But My HD is mad at me . He mad I went and got her and put her in rehab, he is blaming me for everything ! Now he is real mad i don;t want to file chargers on her . 10 yrs or more in prison is just too much and I feel she will never learn anything but more bad things in there . I think she needs mental help not 10 or more years in prison . Oh I just don't know anymore !
I am so confused and I need some advice bad !
Thanks ,
Yes, she is learning she can cheat people and not have to be punished, you are teaching her a lesson on finding the right victim and using them.
And I doubt she would get 10 years, even if that is the max, the checks are under felony level so I dknow know where the 10 year figure came from. let me guess she told you that ???
But yes, she needs to get charged, pay the penalty and learn that crimes have punishes to pay. and you ow HD some respect and it was thier truck also right.
Your daughter has learned that it's okay to lie and steal. I am sure you are not the only one she is telling lies to and stealing from. I think she's learned how to play on your sympathy to keep enabling her chosen lifestyle. I think your sick because you know you can't "fix" her.
Turn her in, let her face the consequences of her choices, and beg the court to get her help. This can be another opportunity for her to start fixing herself.
I am very sorry for your situation. Bad checks may only be the beginning. I know a family that gave their son money to buy antibiotics for an aggressive infection. He spent it on meth. Months later, he was having surgery because the infection made its way in to his brain.
Now, part of his skull is missing.
Consider this true story a metaphor. Those who are constantly abusing themselves may grow out of touch with the boundaries we need to respect with other people. Could this act of stealing result in stealing outside the family? Tragically, I have seen many childhood friends that just kept making bigger and bigger mistakes like this and ended up dead or in jail.
However when you act, act with compassion. Compassion is difficult when we struggle with resulting feelings of guilt.
Location: Now hailing from St. Petersburg, Florida US of A, North America, planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.
Posts: 2,124
Jessie,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can't add much more than what he 4 previous posts say but I would like to add this. Your grown daughter does not respect you at all. People who respect others don't steal. She never learned that she has boundries that she can not cross and as result she continues and will continue to do this until it catches up with her. I'm also sorry to say that the reality probably is, if you don't turn her in, somebody else will when she crosses them. I
I agree with you that she needs mental health profressional but if she can't even stay in rehab she doesn't even realize she needs help, so I don't know that it would matter if you had the best mental help professional. What good is that person to someone that doesn't even know they need help.
You can't teach her anything through your words but you can through your actions.
Hello, I am not sure which drugs your daughter was doing, But is there any chance that it is Meth?
This behavior that you are expaining, the guilt,etc. is enabling. Sometimes parents have to do things that they dont like in order to show thier complete love for thier children. Not making your daughter suffer the consequences for her actions, is not an act of love. No matter what the consequences are for what she has done is not your decision, it was hers when she decided to make a bad choice.
If you are and she are lucky.. when you report her if she happens to get an extended time in Jail, then considering the outcome of rehab in the past with her. YOU ARE doing her A FAVOR! If she will steal from her own family, do not kid yourself anything is possible. Wouldnt you have her pay the consequences of writing a bad check, get the possibility of getting off of drugs, and then shes a little pissed at you. Or.. would you rather get the phone call that shes never coming home, making funeral arrangements or being charged with something far more severe than writing checks. Dont think of it as punishing your daugther, think of it as an opportunity to save her life, and get your old daughter back (the one that isnt controlled by drugs anymore).
Jessie, I too am so sorry for what you are going through. The situation you are describing is, unfortunately, one that many parents go through. Krystal pretty much hit the nail on the head here. Your not acting on this, is a tacit acceptance of her bad behavior, and you are "enabling" your daughter. You need to understand that she will not stop on this destructive path she has set herself . She is a drug addict who, even though she knows what she is doing is wrong and is hurting those people who love her, cannot help or stop herself. Her dependency on drugs is controlling her, not her logic. Jessie, she is an adult and, in order for you to help her, you must hold her accountable for her actions. I know you don't want to send your daughter to jail honey. You are hurting enough as it is. But, as others pointed out, if you and your husband press charges against her, it doesn't necessarily mean she will go to jail for 10 years. What you can attempt to do is to get her mandatory rehab, with the possiblity of very little jail time. It all depends on the Judge, the prosecutor, and her lawyer. Since you and your husband would be the ones pressing charges, you can speak with the prosecutor about what you would like to be done with her. He will take everything that you say, under advisement. For the most part, the courts don't want people to solely be thrown away in jail for 10 years for a crime committed. They do want people to, be held accountable for those actions, take responsibility for their actions, and to remain out of trouble in the future.
You didn't mention if she has been arrested before. But, you did give me the impression that she is still in possession of your husband's truck. Keep in mind that you live with your husband, not your daughter. You do need to respect his feelings, and judgement, in this issue. He has every right to be angry, and has every right to press charges against your daughter. You may be "done" with her as you say, but turning a blind eye to this, is really not in anyone's best interest here. Not your's, your husband's, or your daughter's. You need to follow through with this by filing a report with the police. It may be the last opportunity you have to get your daughter the help she truly requires. Please give careful consideration to what we are all saying here. Again, I am truly sorry for what you are going through and I hope that we have been able to help you with this very difficult decision.
Thank you for all for your advice . My daughter is on Meth ,how did you know ksystal ?
I guess my HD was right and I and going to tell him i am sorry . And I will go press chargers against her . The reason I said 10 or more years is she will be Charged with stolen checks , forgery . and auto theft . and credit card forgery and it is a taken very serious in our state . I just did not want to destroy her life more that what it is already is .
My family taught me that once you have problems in your family you keep it in the family .
I ask my sister would mother had done this and she laughed and said no she would had paid and went on . I guess I feel so bad because I was taught that you did not do this .
But your right she has to learn . She is sick . I hope they let me talk to them about more rehab and longer period of rehab because 60 or more day is not getting it . It need to be at least 6 months or more !
Thank You so much for your advice I was just so torn about all of this and did not know what to do ! I have got a lot to learn myself ! Any more advice I could use is helpful !
Thank you all again !
Jessie
I guess I feel so bad because I was taught that you did not do this .
Dont do what? Help your daughter get her life back on track??
The way I see it, you are doing a very admirable thing. Sure, she may be angry with you now, but you know someday she will thank you. you are doing the best thing possible for her.
I love my children, but if they are going to disrespect me like that.........I would throw their tale in jail in a sec. Hopefully I won't have to experience this, but we never know? It is a sad world we live in where kids steal from parents and EXPECT to suffer no consequences!!
If this was the first time or she didn't just get out of rehab, I might, MIGHT have a different opinion, but YOU went out of your way to help and SHE took advantage of that!! Press charges!! She won't like it, but she didn't care how you felt when she hurt you!!
Linear Mode
