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I started seeing a guy and after a few months I was offered a promotion in another town. I was temtped to accept it although I didn't want to lose the guy I was seeing. He said he would miss me if I go but that I need to mkae my own decision. He also said that the town I will be moving to (if I decide to go) is not too far away (it's 160 miles). I accepted the promotion thinking/ hoping we would continue developing our relationship and if things continue to go well we would then review the situation at a later date. However, after I informed him I accepted the new job and that I will be moving he said he does not believe in long distance relationships and he started to distance himself. We did stay in touch, it has been a year now since I moved away. I visited him few times and he has started to relax with me a bit more. I do care for him very much still and I realised he really does means to me an awful lot. I expressed how I felt and that I would be prepared to move back. He said he does not want me to move back because of him. He also said he wants sex and friendship type relationship. I didn't explore this with him in terms of trying to find out if he means that forever or just for now? Instead, I felt hurt as I thought he might have felt similarly to me but ... I said I wanted some distance. He has been very understanding and said that he is hoping we shall be very good friends but thats perhaps some time needs to pass before that can happen (I wans't sure does he need time or does he think I need time?), that he enjoys my company very much. He did visit my town on business and I offered we meet for lunch but he politely refused. I felt relived as I wasn't ready to see him although I was disappointed too. I do not want to lose him although seeing him hurts since he said he does not want me to move back because of him. I am also seperated and he asks me each time if I am divorced, if I am in touch with my husband ... I do not see the relevance as my feelings towards him are not dependant on my seperation/ divorce. I do wonder if he wants us to be friends until my divorce is final but on the other hand I do not wish to harbour false hopes. I am confused and I do not know if I should let go as it seems to me we do not feel the same.
From my experience, a responsible man would chase after a woman wherever she goes. Moving back for him gets an answer that "Don't move back because of me" means that he couldn't bear responsibility if you move back for him, but he could not give you a family with him.
And divorce is not the cause of your being together with him; your being together with him should be the one of the causes of divorce.
Please be careful, not to be played by him, even though unintentionally.
Your story is very thorough and all the info is there. Let me just tick down the facts I gathered, OK?
Yes, you two liked each other
No, you two had no real foundation
He smartly made sure you made your career choice based on you
You chose smartly
You regret not being able to develop a relationship with him, but it's regret, nothing more...you didn't actually "have him" to lose
You cite confusion, but it's really just sadness and regret over what never really came to fruition between you two
Further attempts on your part to turn your romantic reminiscence into something more were smartly avoided by him, proving there really is nothing there
You're sad about it all and playing the "what if" game in your head in your free time
OK, that's it. You know there's nothing really here to chase, you'll get over the sad stuff when you successfully redirect those energies into a relationship where you ARE, not where you used to be. You physically moved, time to let your mind make the move, too.
Good luck dear, lots can happen when you stop looking over your shoulder.
I read this post and could not find what it is your holding on to. I see two people, in different places, doing different things. Sad as it is, there is no relationship to break up, or build on.
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