Should I leave or stay in a relationship that isnt going anywhere?

amanda13087 · #1 Mar 2, 2007, 08:05 AM

My boyfriend Kenny(24)and I(20) have been together 5 months and living together 4, It seems like we are stuck, It doesnt seem like he can see it going any farther, I would love to be with him for a really long time but he seems hung up over his ex-fiance of 6 yrs, they broke up 2 yrs ago but they have a baby together and it seems like verytime he critisizes me he compares me to her, he wont say I love you and says he doesnt trust women bc they all cheat and lie, I think this bc of her she cheated and didnt know if the baby was his untill recently. He also says he is never getting married for that reason, I am not too worried about the marriage thing because he treats me well and I know he likes me but it is almost like he thinks it is wrong to like me bc he was with her for so long. He hasn't even told his parents about me yet(they live far away as well as his ex and daughter) I talk to him about these things but he says he will always love his ex but he isnt in love with her anymore, he says he cant tell his mom about me bc she is very critical and they arn't close. But if what I am feeling is true about him wanting his ex back or not really wanting me around then why wont he tell me? I would be sad yes, but I would be able to move on bc I wouldn't feel like I am making a rash decision to break up with him.

alizeblu · Mar 2, 2007, 08:38 AM

heh reminds me of someone, look miss, forget about everything for a moment,just take one moment. go to a silent quiet place and reflect, think about everything youve been through with him and ask yourself, "is he what i really want?" trust me if you still love him you would do ne thing to make it work. But you both have to let go of the past! if hes not strong enough to jus let go then whats the point!? things are just going to keep comming up and eventually you gonna be back in the same position. just talk to him help him! dont walk away keep trying never give up! if he loves you turst me, hes willing to work with you, but if he doesnt, and if he keeps seeing your flaws and wont take all of you including your mistakes, let go yourself. you just gotta, theres no point in continuing to hurt yourself.

kp2171 · Mar 2, 2007, 09:47 AM

i think he has hang ups that are impeding the relationship.

you arent wrong for feeling anything... you feel what you feel.

i dont think its a bad place you for to step away. he is just not showing signs of wanting to be in a long term committment. if thats ok with you, then stay.

i dont think all relationships need to be headed toward marriage. i do think, however, when one person feels the relationship is stuck and its not enough, that its time to step back.

i dated a girl for 7 years. 2 HS, college, one year out. all but married. crashed and burned. took several years for me to get my head right. he might be in the same place.

you might be more emotionally mature and steady. no shame in knowing this isnt enough. only you can make that call.



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