I wrote a big story then accidentally deleted it, so here are just the basics.
Been with my partner since we were 15, now own a house together and are 23. our best friend moved in about 8 months ago and we grew much closer in this time as my partner is working most weekend in which we spend time alone... for the last month or so we've been sleeping together. (we told my partner the first time and he was ty but ok with it) i already liked the best friend before he moved in (but don't think he knows that) we get on so well and seem much more compatible than me and my partner (who has changed since we we're first together) i'm worried to throw my life away for this guy if he doesn't work out but it feels so natural with him and i can't control my feelings for him. i'm also worried for my husbads health if i leave him, he loves me so much and asks me every day not to leave. we are all very close (like sleeping in the same bed most weekends) but my partner has becoem reclusive and i feel like i am so young i want to sell the house and travel and do more things befoer i die (opposite to him) there are so many more issues etc but i don't have time for this, i guess my question is how do i nkow which one to choose, i know i am a terible person and i've already hurt them both, sometimes i htink i should jsut leave them both alone and they'd be happy.

Ash123

you need about 10 years to mature it sounds like....you are treating the men like they are there to make you happy - a sign of immaturity - and will destruct your life and theirs at this rate.

can you leave them alone?

if you have enough $, i would suggest you suggest living alone for a while. 3 in a bed will not last.....

Wondergirl

Of course you can!

Move away from both of them until you grow up and can think of someone besides yourself.

statictable

This is right out of a comic book. You both made a fatal error having invited a red blooded male into your home. Your not a chemist but irresponsibly mixed up a batch of hormones, chemicals and circumstances and then you took a big gob of it and stuck it on a big fish hook and then you closed your eyes and you bit down on it. A one person circus. Did you know that for all the years Lois Lane stood in front of Superman he never and she never took the other to bed. Those are the heroes as well as the tens of millions of other people out there who know the difference between a responsibility and air-headedness.

cerisa

You are going to have so much time to regret your mistakes, why not just get started now.
Leave your husband who cares for you (you called him that)
Lose your home and security
Hook up with someone willing to hurt his best friend BTW, he can't afford his own place, let alone bed?
Yup, waste no time you are already 23

Leidenschaftlich für Wahr

You need to know how to decide which one to choose?
Heres a little idea: Go for the one that you SAID you would ALWAYS be with
Maybe? But nooo, who pays attention to those petty little papers and ceremonies anymore... they mean absolutely nothing, right?
Go ahead and do your husband a favor and go for the friend because we all know thats what you're going to do anyway.
You dont care about whats right, you care about what makes you feel good inside.

s_cianci

I agree with Ash and Wondergirl. You need to leave them both and live on your own until you get your head cleared out. You may need the services of a good therapist to help you with this.

stonewilder

Oh good God!

Sweet_Leaf

Thanks for all the replies... Just to clear one thing up i am not married to my partner, i call him my husband sometimes by mistake, simply because we have been together 8 years and we are basically like a married couple. I think i probably will leave eventually and think it is a good idea for me to go on my own first. How should i go about telling him i'm leaving when i know it will break his heart and i fear for his mental health and what he might do?

Sweet_Leaf

I am only 23, i have never travelled, i have no money to do anything because i have a mortgage, i want to sell my house either way and go travelling, my partner wont do this with me, what am i supposed to do?
His best friend does love him and doesn't want to hurt him, he has told me many times and finally today that he is going to stop and i have to break up with my partner first if we are to be together, but we are so in love that it is difficult to ignore! He can afford his own house, but he has just been through his own messy break up last year and in NZ, no, you can't afford a house on your own! besides love is not about money!