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My husband and i have been married for two years and have two young children, i'm finding it hard to keep up with the house work and look after our children and do family day care at home and find time for myself. i continually ask my husband to help out more but he complains that he is to tired from working all day he also asked my sister inlaw how come she can keep her house keep and i cant, i continually feel stressed and was also diagnosed with post natal depression after my second child was born 9 months ago and my husband is blaming everything on that now, i told him before christmas if things didnt change after christmas he would have to leave and he helped out for a while but got into his old habits again of doing nothing and watching tv all the time, i have even tried using a roster to share out the house work but even that didnt work. my mother a told me to leave him but i dont know what to do, i worry about how this will impact on the children and if i really can do it all on my own, please help
Your a new wife and mom, be patient with yourself, as you find your own groove. I can tell you though as overwhelmed as you are, there is no need trying to be perfect, as there is only so much time in the day. Somethings can go until tomorrow, and I don't care what hubbie thinks. I'm sure you don't tell him how to do his job, so why listen when he complains about yours? The first lesson my wife taught me years ago, if I don't like the way she does her thing, do it my freaking self. (Cleaned up the language). My whole point is do it your way, and make time for you. Even if the laundry has to sit over night. Learn to love yourself, and know how to make your own happiness. Let him sit on the couch after work, while you instead of moping the kitchen, get the kids, and go visit for a few hours. You have to many options to be so stressed, and overwhelmed. Does my point make sense?
it is amazing how many people have told me just to let go of the house work, but it is hard when you go from being someone who could keep a house tidy before kids and now not having the time to keep it clean it become very hard in a way the problem with my husband could be that he can let go so easy and i cant funny eh
Take a page from hubbie, and sit and watch TV, when he gets home so you guys can happily. talk and listen, and BOND! Together time shouldn't be anything but smiles and laughs. EVERYTHING goes better when your happy with yourself, and life. Even dishes. (?)
I agree that you need to take time off and get a break but the work will get more piled up before you know it. Then you will have twice the work load and your husband will not help you with that either. I feel you need to talk to a marriage counselor. Your husband sounds like he is totally clueless as to what you really have to do. If he cares about you and your marriage he will want to get help. If he only goes to the counselor once or not at all you should go for the support. If you really love him and he is great otherwise try to work this out. If he is not a good husband at all and will not bend LEAVE HIM. Don't waste your youth and your life being miserable. It won't help the children either. It is better to be alone and happy than married in name only.
No one suggests that as a course of action. The bottom line is about the ability to communicate, and work together. That starts with the partner who is unhappy, and goes to her ability make the adjustments in her own life, that bring about her own happiness. From that foundation she can at least start a plan that makes time for herself, her work, and her family in a positive way. Many females to this in todays world, and take care of the things that go into maintaining a home, and find the time to do the things that they enjoy and are happy. Much easier to establish the lines of communication, and caring from that position, than being a crying nag, for sure. Her husband sees nothing wrong, and probably was trained his whole life to work, and come home, and let the wife do the housework. To change that dynamic, his thinking must be altered, and that takes a lot of time. She can only change herself, and be more proactive in her own way she goes about doing things, and yes its working, and learning, which is understandable, but she will come up with her own plan for herself, whether hubbie changes or not. A marriage is a process in the works, and takes many years to develop, with a lot of hard work on both sides, so 2/3 years is still a learning curve she finds herself in. They have problems to solve true, but it wont happen overnight. Kissing his a$$ is not the advice I gave, and maybe you should reread the whole of my posts again. Its much to early to throw in the towel, and seek a separation/divorce. They are both still learning how to fit, and work together. I agree the counseling can help.
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Take a page from hubbie, and sit and watch TV, when he gets home so you guys can happily. talk and listen, and BOND!
I didn't suggest you told her to kiss his butt but by avoiding the conversation is essentially what she would be doing. I agree they need to spend time together. I didn't suggest she "throw in the towel" immediately, if he is a good husband. I don't know her life and can't assume what her husband is really like. But I stand by what I previously said, try to work it out but if he isn't going to try she should leave.
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