I am college student and was, until 4 days ago, going to be married in July. I just recently left my fiancé over some texts I learned about. I can't forget what he's done, and everyone is telling me to leave him, and I know I should, but he keeps telling me what a mistake it was and how he would never hurt me again, and I want to believe him. The thing is, he's made mistakes in the past and they just keep getting worse.

My ex is the only relationship I have ever had. I met him when he came to my church where my father was the preacher. I was 16 years old and he was 19. We started dating right away and were off and on for a while, until he moved to CA for 4 months (my dad thought I needed separation to see if I really loved him), but once he returned from CA, we were completely on. When I first met him, I was very young (obviously) and I was ambitious. I graduated a year early from school, so when we were first dating, I was applying to college. A lot of the problems we had early on were because I wanted to go to really good,prestigious schools , and I felt like he would hold me back, because he went to trade school. But, after I visited schools to make my decision, I decided to go to a school in state, rather than Duke or Bryn Mawr or NYU or wherever else I could have chosen. Since then, I've been sure that he was the one for me, and we were supposed to be together, and we've been planning a wedding. Before I made that decision to stay in-state (which I did not make because of him, in all honesty) he was always going home (he's originally from AZ) and sleeping with his ex girlfriends when we broke up, and even when we were together he would text them. He also had an inappropriate relationship with this girl from our town; it wasn't sexual or anything but I felt like it was his back up plan. Also, there was this girl from the internet that he met in MO at this conference, but I don't know if he went there to meet her. Anyway, because of those things I've had doubts about our relationship.

Recently though, I've been feeling really good about us. I love him so much and I didn't have any doubt or anything, and I was so happy to plan our wedding and pick out our dishes and stuff. But 4 days ago I learned that he had been texting my sister, in a sexual way. My sister is 15 and, as its just come of out, kind of a whore. She lost her virginity at 13 and she's been sneaking out and having sex with all these guys. Apparently she sent my ex suggestive texts all the time, and one time he made this sexual joke and she jumped on it. She sent him pics of her (really graphic) and tried to get him to have sex with her. He didn't start it, and he says he didn't mean what he said, but apparently he was texting her back pictures of his package and stuff and talking about taking her to a hotel or having her come to his bachelor party (when he was drunk.. ). I am so numb right now I can't believe what he's done. And I don't understand my sister. Why would she do that to me. When we were little she used to tell me horrible stuff like she hated me and she wanted me to die or get raped or run over by a car, but I always just thought she had an anger problem. This makes me feel like she has no love for me at all. NONE!

And my ex; he was the one person I felt like I could be myself around, and I didn't have to keep up this image of trying to be the best, the smartest and prettiest and skinniest. I've gained weight since I've come to school (like 10 pounds) but I still get hit on, so I don't understand why he wouldn't be happy with me. And he keeps saying it didn't feel real and he couldn't take it seriously, which is why he said some of the things he said to my sister, like it was porn or something and not real or serious. And he keeps saying he wasn't attracted to my sister. And I don't understand that, because why would he do and say things if he wasn't attracted to her? And then I get scared because my sis and I are so different, I don't see how he could be attracted to both of us. We are both pretty (not gorgeous, but pretty) but we are so diff. I'm 5'8" and 120 pounds and have long blondish hair and my sister is 5'3" and 116 pounds and has shoulder length brown hair. I mean her boobs and butt are bigger than mine and everything but I am more toned and still have boobs and everything, just smaller, and I always thought he liked my body type more. I'm so scared he's not really attracted to me and likes that kind of girl more. But he keeps begging me to forgive him but I don't know if I should. I want to, I love him so much, and I've built everything around him, and us. He's my best friend and really my only friend. I've moved a lot so the only other friends I have are in CA and Australia, and he's the only one I talk to everyday and share everything with. But I'm so scared that with his past behavior and stuff he won't change, and he will hurt me again, next time worse. What would I do if I was 30, and we had kids, and he did something? But I love him so much. I need help. But I understand if no one bothers to read this post its so long.

He text something's he shouldn't had to your 15 year old sister? Now that is wrong and he crossed the line.

I with everyone that say to leave him. He has no respect for you or the relationship.

Leave and don't look back. You'll always have trust issues, you'll always be second guessing him, or think that's he's lying. He did something wrong, very wrong. And to top it off with your sister.

UNACCEPTABLE.

Cheating is cheating no matter which form in may be in. In your case texting. I have zero tolerance for cheaters and if you feel the same way, its best to leave.

But don't people make mistakes? I just keep thinking that he didn't start it.

Yes, and he's obviously he's making the same sorts of mistakes over and over. He's taking a mile when given an inch. That's not fair to you. No, he didn't start it, but the appropriate thing would have been to tell her not to text him again, and to stop the inappropriate behavior and to inform you right away. That's what a good boyfriend would have done, is that what he did?

So your blaming your 15 year old sister?

He might not have starting it but he didn't stop it.

You said your 15 year old sister sleeps around but what are your parents doing about it? Also, he might have been taking advance of that. It is easy to point the finger at the other point instead of the man in front of you.

How old is this as a matter of fact? I see something seriously wrong with him texting your 15 year old sister in a sexual matter. Did I say your sister is only 15? Get the point?

If you marry this guy, you are in for a lifetime for more of the same. Texting a girl in town, meeting up with a girl in MO... and then, to top things off, he sends pictures of his junk to your sister? I don't care if he was drunk, or if your sister gets around. She's fifteen years old, and she's your sister. Clearly, your boyfriend can't keep it in his pants. Be grateful you found out now, before your wedding.

Agreed, he's obviously got other things on his mind. Are you worried at all about who WILL show up to bachelor party and WHAT he will do? Don't marry him, find a man that you can trust.

I think she needs to stop making excuses for him and face the truth about him. Some people try their hardest to face the truth and let "love" interfere with their common sense.

Btw, this fiancé of yours do these things with no regards towards you because he knows he can get away with it. He knows how to play the game and plays it wells. So people only do what you allow them to do.

Marriage don't make the problems go away or solve any problems. You have the same problems you have before marriage. Marriage is easy to get into but messy and expensive to get out of.

Yes. It only takes a moment to get into marriage, but there's no tallying the expense and stress it will require to get out of it! Had to spread the rep, Liz... :)

Right now your feelings for him are overpowering your rationale. Additionally, he's probably manipulating you into thinking it was some sort of conditional situation... "i was drunk," "she started it," "it was a one time thing, never to happen again."

For your own sake, take a step back and look at the big picture. Is this the kind of personality you want to share a relationship with? Someone that is permiscuous and cheats in a relationship? If you don't know the answer to that question, then take some time away to reevaluate what it is you really want in a relationship and for your own happiness. It's hard to do when you've become so attached to the person, and every time your alone you think about them.

IMO, even the slightest of cheating... whether physical or emotional, drunk or sober, is a huge red flag.

Be real with yourself and stop defending him. It doesn't matter if he started it or not, he did not stop a situation that was bad to begin with. She's 15 years old, YOUR SISTER and they're texting about sexual stuff.

Joking or not, this guy seems like a sex predator and this situation was only due in time. If he has the nerve to talk like that to your 15 year old sister, what makes you think he wasn't/isn't doing that with other girls you don't even know?

Leave this guy, it seems like this came at just the right time. Marrying him would have been a big mistake dude, big BIG one. Go NC for the sake of yourself, as you're not thinking clearly. He betrayed you.. and he did so with your own sister. Remember that.

Not to mention he sleeps with his exes when you guys are at odds, and keeps in touch with them when you're together. Do you really want to marry someone that has a few Plan B's? All it takes is one drunk dial, and he gets to have his cake and eat it too.

Leave, don't look back.

Not to mention what will happen the next time he decides to get drunk, or his ex contacts him, or another girl with a pretty face come along?

You should focus on your future by going to a college of your choice. You seem smart and listed some you have some good colleges on your list to go to. Focus on that!

If you keep this relationship going you are only heading yourself to danger.

My dad did the same thing to my mom before they got married.. In the end she still married him even after she had major doubts.. and ever since then their relationship has been unbearable and my dad still kept relations with other women.. he doesn't anymore but its 24 years too late..

Yeah, he may be your true friend but this doesn't mean that you won't find another friend who you can open up to... actually if you start talking to a person you know, or just meet, about this problem you have with your Fiancé, you might end up with a new best friend... you never know..
I too don't have much friends, so I can understand how you want to keep him. However, if you keep him you are losing all your respect and, I'm sorry to say this, but it shows how weak you are and he will pick up on that and use it to his advantage.. You deserve better.
You are still young, which means you still have a long future ahead of you...

Im very positive he will make you miserable..
In my opinion this man cannot be trusted... And this should be crystal clear seeing as he flirted with your sister of all people... and again, in my opinion I think your sister is jealous of you...

I think if you stay with him you will not be able to focus on what you really want it life...

Just be careful, men like him have such a great way of fooling women with their words and sometimes charm...

To be honest, I think it's a sign that you found out about all his cheating right before your wedding.. Please listen to it and do the right thing...

He is 22 now. And my parents just found out my sister is sleeping around through this event. Apparently she has been sneaking out of her window at night for a while. She is the youngest of four children has always been daddy's little angel, as the youngest usually are. I feel horrible for bringing all this to the light, because it has broken my dad's heart and my mom can't understand what she did wrong. I feel like my ex was just weak (as men tend to be in sexual situations) and my sister seduced him to hurt me. I am angry at him, but my hurt at what she has done is unspeakable. I'm an english and russian major in school, and I obivously like to talk a lot, but I can't put my hurt in words, in any language.

Again your blaming her.

If your boyfriend went to a strip club and get aroused and did something with the stripper is it the stripper fault that he cheated? No because there is a such thing as keeping it in your pants and respect for your relationship.

Your boyfriend could have said "no" and made you aware of the situation asap but no. You found out the through a text because they were texting back and forth. If you didn't find out when you did who knows what could have happen.

And lets not forget your sister is 15 and he is 22. Come on!

Btw, all men aren't weak but yours seems to be all the time. And this is just another excuse. If he is so weak then it means he is easy to fall into temptation which is more of a reason to leave him. If it isn't enough to leave him for what he did with your sister. Wake up because the red flags are screaming at you but your ignoring it.

Run for the hills! There are a million red flags in this situation.

You met when you were really young and had little life experience.
He's been your only BF.
He has girlfriends that he sees when you break up.
He's always got his eye out for available women.
He consented to exchange erotic texts with your sister who is underage and allowed her to seduce him.

He has no excuses - he has deceived you, probably numerous times, and will continue to do so if you marry him. This guy is not marriage material. But you already suspect this.

Yes, it's nice to be arranging a wedding, choosing plates and no doubt a lovely gown. But, this isn't marriage. Listen to your doubts, there is no question that marrying this man is the wrong decision and you would be extremely unhappy.

I am so sorry that you had to go through this experience (and sorry about your sister who sounds seriously disturbed), but better that it happen now so that you can heal and get on with your life.

Don't make any more excuses for his inexcusable behavior - shove him put of your life as fast as you can!

Thank you for your advice. I know I have to leave him. I know. Its just difficult because so much of who I am today is formed around him. He loves me, I know, but his love is only selfish. I just wish none of this would have happened