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    Should I hope I could win her back?

    Asked Aug 15, 2013, 05:41 PM — 12 Answers
    My ex girl and I went out for a month and two weeks. We had a great time but eventually we started to have a lot of arguments. When she broke up with me the first time she felt that she was dealing with the same things she had dealt with in her previous relationship. After that she supposedly tried to give me another chance but it lasted only 3 days.

    I tried to convince her, change her mind, persisted on trying to show her that I wouldn’t treat her like her ex. She stayed firm on her decision. 2 weeks ago was my birthday and she wanted to celebrate it with me as friends. It was OK. When we got to her house we started talking. I was little drunk and I brought up the situation of her comparing me to her ex and it ended in a big argument and even when I tried to calm her down it was too late and she wind up kicking me out of her house that night. We haven’t spoken since. Last week she unfriended me on Facebook.

    I’ve been keeping to myself and fighting the urge to call her. Her sister is good friends with me and she told me that she’s upset that my ex is pushing away a good guy but encouraged me to continue no contact and give her that space. She also said that to move on because she doesn’t sound like she’s going to be loyal and supposedly she says she’s over you. I still kind of hope I could win her back. Sorry for the long post.

    Last edited by talaniman; Aug 15, 2013 at 08:01 PM. Reason: Edited text and title.
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    12 Answers
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 16,548, Reputation: 2337
    Uber Member

    Aug 15, 2013, 05:46 PM
    Many times people break up with someone and then make contact anyway, and it's usually because they are just afraid to be alone right away, not because they want to get back together.
    It's over. It will happen again, with others, because that's the way life is - most relationships don't last. Learn and use what you learn, and keep busy, that's all you can do.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,839, Reputation: 2034
    Uber Member

    Aug 15, 2013, 05:53 PM
    Her sister probably knows her best, I'd listen to her.
    Helpful (1)
    AngelLane3's Avatar
    AngelLane3 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 15, 2013, 06:13 PM
    Yea her sister has giving me good advices. She still tells me to let my ex miss me and contact me. Only time will tell but not to get my hopes too high. She would like for us to be together. For now unfortunately I have to let it ride and continue improving myself...
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 1,630, Reputation: 468
    Ultra Member

    Aug 16, 2013, 10:45 AM
    You really haven't invested a lot of time in the relationship other than investing time in drama. You two should experience a relationship with other people minus the drama. They are so much better. Fighting for the sake of fighting is very immature. Move on to your next relationship.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,244, Reputation: 3298
    Emotional Health Expert

    Aug 16, 2013, 03:14 PM
    Relationships are a lot of hard work. They are also made with a solid foundation- that is established first.

    That is trust, maturity, mutual respect.

    To have none of that if most of the six week relationship was about fighting, where is anything left to build on.

    Arguing is normal. Only arguing, or everything conversationally ends in arguing, is not. Talking and listening are basic components of any argument, no matter what the differences are. Learning when to walk away and talk another day, is a sign of respect and maturity.

    Letting it all get to the all or nothing point, as it has with you, isn't progress- it's a slow relationship death.

    So, with that being said, you gained nothing, and you lost nothing, because there was not much of a relationship to begin with.
    AngelLane3's Avatar
    AngelLane3 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 18, 2013, 06:16 AM
    Well she called me out of the blue 2 days ago. I didn't pick up right away but after a few minutes she sent me a long text saying she was calling to see how I was doing and she apologized for acting the way she did that night. I returned her call an hour later and mentioned that I got her text after I got out of the gym and decided to call her. We had a 15 minute conversation where 10 of those minutes were her doing most of the talking. I was nuetral throughout the conversation asking how's her kids and how's she doing. I didn't mention anything about the past or my feelings or even the text she sent. Right when she was about to finish talking I had a feeling that it would get awkward so after she finished I told her I was going to shower and we could talk later. Her response was well I was just calling you to see how you were doing. I replied OK bye. Ill admit I was a bit confused because she calls me out of the blue and makes a big effort to send me a text and sounds thrilled to hear from me yet she only called for that and that's it. Maybe shell call again or not. Maybe I should call her a week later or something

    By the way I noticed she deleted all her old pics from her previous ex but kept all of my pics with her. Wonder if that's a good thing
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
    Senior Family & People Expert

    Aug 18, 2013, 06:39 AM

    Be aware that it always starts with just calling out of the blue. It make you re-feel all those old GOOD feelings and instills false hope that things are getting better, and she wants you back.

    She relieved her guilt for dumping you, but this doesn't solve the issue of why you were dumped in the first place nor heal your heart from the experience does it? And you are still dumped and dwelling on it.

    Leave her alone guy, and be done with this throw you a bone out of the clear blue. It's a meaningless distraction. Don't be fooled by your own hope into believing there is hope. That's a good way to keep yourself STUCK for a long time, and prolong your own misery.
    AngelLane3's Avatar
    AngelLane3 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 18, 2013, 09:12 AM
    I understand what your saying I'm not giving myself false hope I just find it weird how things have turned out. Since that last argument I've been dating going out and focusing on me. I'm not wallowing in misery I cant bring myself to do so I just happen to genuienly like this girl. I just wanted to know if there was ever a chance of me dating this girl again in the future.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,244, Reputation: 3298
    Emotional Health Expert

    Aug 18, 2013, 09:14 AM
    She has children?

    That should be the first priority- their security. With you and your ex having been dating for six weeks, and 2 days, have you considered that you and her arguing pretty much most of that time, is not a good situation for the kids?

    She sounds like a lot of complications to me, with how you have described her, and now with children in the picture, it can only get more complicated.

    Try to look at the bigger picture here. A relationship with her is one thing, you can simply walk away if it doesn't work out. But a relationship with her is also a relationship with her children. Not so easy to walk away when you take on being a big part of their lives, because you are with their mother.

    And I agree that she is throwing you a bone, and keeping you dangling, and it isn't for your own good, it is beneficial to her (for some reason) to keep you in the picture.

    Be careful, and really think this through.

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