My long-term boyfriend broke up with me and is now seeing someone else. Part of the reason he wanted to break up because he said I don't listen to him. He wanted me to do everything he asked of me. He thinks I am not skinny enough and that he felt somewhat embarrassed. I am a very stubborn person and I felt he doesn't respect me when he asked me to do this and that, to the extent of changing myself completely. This issue led us to many fights. He is now seeing another girl whom he said it's very nice to him and most importantly listens to him. I am very heart-broken and devastated.

I start to doubt myself and wether I made a mistake for not listening to him enough. Was it my fault that the relationship ended. We were together for 5 years already.

Jesushelper76

First: No, it was not your fault the relationship ended.

Second: What he was doing to you was emotional abuse.

Third: Do not ever doubt yourself.

Fourth: No reason to be devastated, you should be happy and relieved.

Five: Many people in relationships try to change each other but if he never really liked you for who you are then are you not better off without him? You need to be yourself.

Sixth: The only time you should change, is when that change is for yourself. Never change for anybody else except for yourself.

Joe

talaniman

As a reference point,http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...-up-56011.html
Any long distance relationship is a tough thing to do, no matter what kind, or however strong the love is. Any break up can bring negative feelings of doubt and loss of confidence , given the time, and emotions invested in it. With time and effort we get over it and move on by getting a life without that person and learning to do the things that make us happy.

shygrneyzs

Why do you feel devastated when you already said he did not respect you? Read your own words again.

Someone who respects you should not go about trying to change you over to fit their needs.

You also said that he complained you did not listen to him - that he wanted you to listen and agree to everything he said and you did not. Good for you! You stood up for yourself on that. Why WHY would you want to agree with everything he said, especially if you had a different point of view? It is him who has the issue here, not you. You have a right to express your opinion. Yes, he has a right to his too. That is where healthy discussion comes in. Every couple goes through that and can compromise or else agree to disagree but still accept each as they are - not as someone else tries to make them over to be.

Changing yourself needs to come from within. If you truly see something you need or want to work on. It should come down as an edict from the guy you are involved with. If you want to lose weight, lose it for your own self esteem and health.

Consider yourself blessed here for having back your own life. This guy is a control oriented person. A control freak. He needs to regulate another person's life - be glad it is not yours anymore. There are safe houses and shelters full of women who can tell you just how bad it can get, living with a man like that.

Ammutty

What is happening to you is very natural.
Probably you would have done enough compromises already for your ex. And he is thus trying to put pressure on you. Also for the fact that he is is mentioning to you that the other girl is better and "listens" to him shows that that girl is just a doll, and he preferes you to then her, as you have your own identity and self respect.

This does not outright tell you not to listen to anyone.. judge and think, if it is ok to listen to someone.
Further, everything is mutual- if you scratch my back, I will scratch yours. Else, you can close that relationship. Never feel guilty!

Fr_Chuck

No, listening to someone is just that listening, not changing, he wanted someone other than who you are, he wanted someone to mold in his image, not a equal partner that he would respect.

manimuth

Its normal that your self-esteem and self-confidence are hurt after the breakup. Its normal to question yourself or even doubt yourself. BUT, the most important thing is that you do not obsess over it. This guy doesn't sound like he was very good to you anyway. No one, who cares about you, should make you feel bad about the way you look. Also, if he found what he was looking for in someone else, good for him! Don't worry about people who has left you. If he has moved on, you go ahead and move on as well. Do not obsess about what you could've done or what you should've done. Take pride in who you are, what you have to offer, and give it to someone who deserves it.

chuff

Yes.


No.

Listening means you be quiet and don't interrupt or be disrespectful or try to change the person your with. But for you half of this agreement to be met you must do it with someone that accepts and respects the same beliefs. Your ex could not and did not.