My good friend of 4 years moved up to my city about a month ago. Up until then I saw her every few months for weekends as she lived in other towns with her now soon to be ex husband.

A gorgeous guy I had been on a few dates with suddenly stopped returning my calls or texting me even though things were going brilliantly. Turning to my mate for guidance I suggested she call him as a concerned friend (she'd met him too when we first clicked) to find out what was going on, and for an explanation or to sort things oug. All the while he was on speaker so I could hear him say the crappy excuse "well it was getting serious blah blah blah...".After that I went home.

Between that phone call and the next morning, the guy had rang my friend back at night, gone round to her house and stayed there drinking without me knowing. The next morning I came back to my friend's house as I'd forgotten something. My friend wasn't expecting me.

I rang her first but she didn't answer although she was home, so I knocked on the door, she answered, fully clothed and I asked her if she'd seen a pair of jeans. She just said no, maybe they're upstairs. I went upstairs, walked into her room to find the guy fully clothed in her bed! Granted, it's the only bed in the house but when I challenged her about whether she'd had sex with him, she accused me of being ridiculous and asked me to leave if I didn't calm down. Her argument was that he'd come round to discuss me and that he'd spent the night drunk, trying it on with her but she ordered him to either go to bed and sleep or she'd order a taxi. She even said that she'd pee'd in a glass in the kitchen because she was scared to go upstairs and wake him in case he tried it on with her again.

When I told her it was out of order to have him around and not tell me she accused me of being ungrateful and that I should have thanked her for trying to help me. Since then I've fallen out because a lot of friends have said she's lying and untrustworthy but I don't know. I've ignored her calls and texts, she's not apologised or thought she was doing anything wrong by inviting him round - she even shook hands with him and suggested us all meeting up for drinks, even though earlier she thought he'd treated me appallingly by having sex with me then just dropping me.

Am I being oversensitive or am I doing the right thing ending the friendship? I wouldn't have treated her this way...

Confused and Humiliated

This is not someone you can trust. Maybe nothing happened (yeah right) but she showed you that given the opportunity she would choose a guy over you. My advise is to cut both of them loose and move on... they are not worth the trouble. Best of luck to you!

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Originally Posted by irishlady1204

This is not someone you can trust. Maybe nothing happened (yeah right) but she showed you that given the opportunity she would choose a guy over you. My advise is to cut both of them loose and move on....they are not worth the trouble. Best of luck to you!

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Thanks irishlady. Another strange thing is that when I tried to go for a drink with the guy on his own to get his side of the story, my friend came storming over saying 'if you go with him now I'm never speaking to you again! '. She said it was because she didn't want him dragging me away to a pub or bar to tell me something that would only take 2 minutes i.e. that he wasn't interested, something he told her the night before. Hmmm, I guess I'm too naïve, right?:(

As the devil's advocate, if your best friend was dating brad pitt and he all the sudden decide he liked you better, would you turn him down? I mean that honestly. Everybody says they would, but when they're in that situation, all the sudden it isn't so easy a decision to make. If you want to fault her for lying to you, if you can prove she did, I wouldn't even say you should. Because in the end it looks more like she was trying to spare your feelings. If he was your 3 year boyfriend and this happened it's a different story. If it's just a few dates and he opted out, I don't think she has anything to be sorry for.

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Originally Posted by girlagogo

My good friend of 4 years moved up to my city about a month ago. Up until then I saw her every few months for weekends as she lived in other towns with her now soon to be ex husband.

A gorgeous guy I had been on a few dates with suddenly stopped returning my calls or texting me even though things were going brilliantly. Turning to my mate for guidance I suggested she call him as a concerned friend (she'd met him too when we first clicked) to find out what was going on, and for an explanation or to sort things oug. All the while he was on speaker so I could hear him say the crappy excuse "well it was getting serious blah blah blah...".After that I went home.

Between that phone call and the next morning, the guy had rang my friend back at night, gone round to her house and stayed there drinking without me knowing. The next morning I came back to my friend's house as I'd forgotten something. My friend wasn't expecting me.

I rang her first but she didn't answer although she was home, so I knocked on the door, she answered, fully clothed and I asked her if she'd seen a pair of jeans. She just said no, maybe they're upstairs. I went upstairs, walked into her room to find the guy fully clothed in her bed! Granted, it's the only bed in the house but when I challenged her about whether she'd had sex with him, she accused me of being ridiculous and asked me to leave if I didn't calm down. Her argument was that he'd come round to discuss me and that he'd spent the night drunk, trying it on with her but she ordered him to either go to bed and sleep or she'd order a taxi. She even said that she'd pee'd in a glass in the kitchen because she was scared to go upstairs and wake him in case he tryed it on with her again.

When I told her it was out of order to have him around and not tell me she accused me of being ungrateful and that I should have thanked her for trying to help me. Since then I've fallen out because alot of friends have said she's lying and untrustworthy but I don't know. I've ignored her calls and texts, she's not apologised or thought she was doing anything wrong by inviting him round - she even shook hands with him and suggested us all meeting up for drinks, even though earlier she thought he'd treated me appallingly by having sex with me then just dropping me.

Am I being oversensitive or am I doing the right thing ending the friendship? I wouldn't have treated her this way......

Confused and Humiliated

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Well try to remember this, who will it be if you should ever need anything, who could and would be there for you in your time of need, this is the question? Your friend for many years or this guys that you haven't know that long? I think you and her should go to lunch at the mall, and sit down like sister's and talk things out , one on one with no one around and really look at her and get the feel , the vibes, that she is sending you, really look into her eyes, listen to what and how she says things, and tell her that you want to hear to whole story of how he ended up in her bed.
Then you so the same with the guy, and compare notes.
If it seems like it's on the up and up, then give them both a second chance, then all of you go out to the bar to party for a while and sit back while they aren't looking and watch. Eye how they look at each other, see if you get any funny vibes. Time will tell.
boop21197

It depends... has she been a proven, faithful, trustworthy friend in the past? Granted - she didn't really have time to tell you what had happened. If she's been a faithful friend in the past, I say forgive and forget. If she's not been a faithful friend to you in the past, you have reason to guard your heart.