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My boyfriend (of 17 months) got together with his almost exwife and grown children for Christmas and they all exchanged gifts. I know that she wants him back, but I am sure he does not want to get back with her. I didn't mind the gathering because it is being good to his kids.
After the gathering I asked him what gifts were exchanged. He told me that he gave her a tool kit and she gave him a bird calendar. On New Years Eve, he came over to my home wearing a beautiful fleece jacket. I asked him if it was new. He said it was and it was a Christmas gift. Then I found out it was from his soon to be ex wife. He first acted surprised and said "I told you about this." Then he later admitted that he didn't want to tell me about it because he knew I would not like it.
I personally see this as lying. He left out the information. He told me that the one thing that he will never, ever do to me is to lie. He said that he can promise me that as long as we are together. I was happy about that and did feel very secure. Now I wonder If I can trust him.
Am I over reacting? I do feel jealous that she gave him that jacket, because I find it a somewhat romantic gift, especially since that is what he gave to me for Christmas. I know he meant well, but I still don't like it. What do you think?
Hi, Jodall,
I am sure you both have talked about his "almost ex-wife" many times during the last 17 months. This is a tricky one, becuase she is not yet his ex.
You might be being a little "over sensitive" thinking he was lying to you. Not telling everything about something is not really lying.
If you ask him a specific question, and you know he isn't telling you the truth, then that's lying.
I've been married now for 28 yrs to a wonderful woman, and we share everything. But, learning about marriage and having a wonderful relationship only comes with time. Personally, I wouldn't be too concerned if he doesn't tell you every little thing he knows.
The transition for him right now is difficult. I was divorced after my first marrage, 7 yrs. It took almost 2 years before I was serious with a lady, for my second marriage.
Just keep hanging in there, and you both will learn a lot about each other. I do wish you the best. Happy New Year!!!
PS; You also have to face the fact that if you are really serious about him, you will have to deal with his children at times, his problems, and his thoughts after she becomes his "real ex"!
My boyfriend (of 17 months) got together with his almost exwife and grown children for Christmas and they all exchanged gifts. I know that she wants him back, but I am sure he does not want to get back with her. I didn't mind the gathering because it is being good to his kids.
After the gathering I asked him what gifts were exchanged. He told me that he gave her a tool kit and she gave him a bird calendar. On New Years Eve, he came over to my home wearing a beautiful fleece jacket. I asked him if it was new. He said it was and it was a Christmas gift. Then I found out it was from his soon to be ex wife. He first acted surprised and said "I told you about this." Then he later admitted that he didn't want to tell me about it because he knew I would not like it.
I personally see this as lying. He left out the information. He told me that the one thing that he will never, ever do to me is to lie. He said that he can promise me that as long as we are together. I was happy about that and did feel very secure. Now I wonder If I can trust him.
Am I over reacting? I do feel jealous that she gave him that jacket, because I find it a somewhat romantic gift, especially since that is what he gave to me for Christmas. I know he meant well, but I still don't like it. What do you think?
How has your relationship been so far? You both invested a lot of time and emotion by now and you should be able to tell if he did this to spare you during the holidays or just wanted to avoid the stress. Did he say later that he got the jacket from just her, or the entire 'family'? Maybe the kids had something to do with this too - you never know. Anyway, I would also like to know when the divorce will be final, wouldn't you? There are too many questions still open, but you have been together for long enough to be able to talk to each other and 'feel' how you fit. What does your heart tell you? If he has grown children, then I can assume he's a bit older than you are, and probably has finished his 'game playing stage', so I would tell him that you are a little unsure so that he can have the chance to reassure you and let you know exactly where you stand. I wish you all the luck and hope you get this straightened out.
Thanks so much for replying. I know I am sensitive about all of this because yes, the divorce seems to have been taking forever. He didn't want to hurt his kids, so he was slow in getting it going. He doesn't like confrontation.
The jacket was just from her. I know he had good intentions by not wanting to hurt me, but I would rather that he is honest with me and tell me rather than avoiding it. I still see leaving out information as a form of lying. He and I are very, very close and I am sure we will get married. I didn't like it that the way he decided to let me know about the jacket was to wear it. The divorce should be completed in 2 months. In addition, I just don't like his ex trying to get him back. She keeps inviting him to things. He has been honest in telling me about all the emails she sends and everything. I don't see this is a deal breaker or anything, it just puts a little damper on things.
My view on this ( as a guys ) is that he kept it from you as he did not want to hurt your feelings or make problems with you and him, as with most choice's that we make as guys sometimes they always seem to back fire and bite you on the ***...
I would say that your best bet to get to the bottom of the matter is to invite him over to yours, and be as honist and open as you can to how this problem has made you feel... You have both been with one another for a while now, I'm sure you can both be adults and talk matters over... I know if it was me i'd want to clear the air and move on as soon as I could with the problem solved rather than keeping it in the back of my mind to blow up one day in a row.
The ex will always try to involve him in things one way or the other, even after the divorce. You will need to trust him and have the feeling of his full support to gain the strength to handle it, and you said he shows you the correspondence and tells you most other things, so give it time. She, unfortunately will never disappear, but you can change your attitude to prevent stress in YOUR home and heart. That's what happens when one partner or both have been married before, and they have to adjust to those little inconveniences or seek a relationship with someone who has not had previous ties. My daughter is almost in the same situation, and is expecting a baby now - but I know he's there for her all the way and can't wait for his 'ex' to move out of the country as she's in the military. My daughter and he have the strength together to handle the situation, and I hope you will also get through this. If your bond is strong, nobody can break it. Good luck again, dear, and keep us posted.
Guys do stupid stuff like this all the time, this is why I am ALWAYS honest. True, he didnt want to upset you but he really just made the situation worse. You know he doesnt want her back, so I wouldnt worry about this too much. He does have kids with her, so you will have to get used to this kind of thing happening alot. goodluck and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
) is that he kept it from you as he did not want to hurt your feelings or make problems with you and him, as with most choice's that we make as guys sometimes they always seem to back fire and bite you on the ***... 
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