i'm 20 yrs old. i fell absolutly in love with a young girl by accident. i felt too young (-4 yrs) but couldn't help my feelings. she told me everything i ever wanted to hear as if she read a book about me. I can read people very easily, but not her (at first). almost two years went by of what seemed to be a "perfect relationship" when i found out she had been smoking and doing drugs, running around naked at parties, and had lied about who she was and where she's from. she tried to lie about it untill i showed her proof (pics). i was heart broken and tried to leave her. she kept calling me and trying to get me back. i wrote a lot of her "mess" off as the age thing and was working thru this (ive been noticing things). putting 2+2 together (3 mths later) i suspected a dark past which might explain the insecurity and the use of her body to get attention. i was right, she just broke down (tonight) and told me she was dissed by both parents all of her life and has been physically and sexually abused. i have always been great to her. i love her. but i'm not over her betrayal and now i'm trying to comfort her? shes not the perfect girl ive dreamed about and not who i fell in love with. the drugs, cheating, her past, and the overall betrayal all at once. she wants to build a future. i don't know if i can see that but i feel like she needs me now more than ever. is it possible she really loves me and just couldn't show it due to her past?

jeffatl

I would be careful here. She LIED about ALOT of things bro. Its called manipulation, and some people are great at it. I think you should just take a look at everything that has been going on, she could be b/sing you again here. She doesnt want to lose you, but she does want to control this situation. My EX lied about alot of things too, and when I busted her on it, she always had some excuse for it. Her past actions dont really justify her actions in my opinion here buddy. If she had in fact gone through that horrible stuff in her life, why would she be running arround naked at parties? Be careful, this girl doesnt sound like she can be trusted.

fredg

Hi,
I am so sorry to read this; because you have deep feelings for someone who, at this time, has more problems than most people can handle, or know what to do about.
If she has been sexually abused, she needs Professional help...you can't give that to her, unfortunately.
At 20 yrs old, many yrs ago, I was in love also, but she eventually found someone else. At this stage for you, you have a very difficult choice to make. You can either be her friend, but ONLY with the intentions of trying to get her to seek Professional help, or you can try your best to meet new people, and try getting her out of your mind.
If you decide to stay with her, it will be a very, very, tough road ahead.
It sounds to me like she is telling you the truth about herself, but as far as her actually "being in love" with you, is hard to tell.
If you can talk her into going to a Professional for help, such as maybe some type of counselor, they can guide her to a doctor who can help her. If she doesn't want to, then you are; I am sorry to say; fighting a losing battle, and will only be hurt much more later. I do wish you the best and hope it works out OK.

s_cianci

It doesn't sound like this girl is capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone. I'd stay clear of her ; otherwise you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak and frustration. The things she's been through certainly call out for comapssion but that doesn't mean it's your job to play rescuer. You deserve and want someone who's stable and capable of giving and receiving true genuine love. That is not simply within this girl's capability right now and may never completely be within her capability. She's going to need extensive therapy to even faintly resemble being on the right track and unless you're a psychologist there's absolutely nothing you can do for her. Go on with your life and meet new people. Find someone who's got it all together ; that's what you need for a healthy, meaningful relationship.

letmeno

O.K. she lied, I know everyone is thinking that she is scum, she lied, deceived you, end of the disscussion. What I think is that you should at least hear her out.
You spent two years with this young lady. That has to count for something. How many times have you guy's met a woman that maybe you had no intentions of being in a real relationship with and told a little white lie or maybe a really huge lie? Sometimes these people that you so nonchalantly come across and you have no intentions of seeing the next day may end up a little more serious, and there you stand, having feelings for that person and still having to uphold the lie that got you two together in the first place. You have to tell a second lie to backup the first lie, a third lie to add credibility to the second lie, etc. etc. etc. Maybe she didn't intend on the relationship to get serious.
Thomas, how attractive would she have been the first night that you two met if she had of just laid all of the crap that she had endured in her life all out on the table for you? Everyone remember there are two sides to each and every story, and another side to every coin. Everybody deserves another chance. I am not saying forgive and forget, that is certainly not at all possible right about now. What I am saying is that she at least came clean about it and therefor that must account for something. After all, she could have even told a bigger lie and said the person in the pictures wasn't even her @ all.
Thomas, if you think that there is anything salvagable in this relationship, talk to her, hear her out, and get her the help that she is long overdue for. It is not going to be an easy thing to do by far but you have to start somewhere.

Wildcat21

Letmeno - she LIED! Hello? About EVERYthing! Running around with other guys etc.

And you think this is salvagable? No way.

This gal needs serious help. Years of therapy. I couldn't wish a gal like this on anyone.

She has ton of growing up to do and they may not be done until she is in her late 30's.

thomas27

>>> as far as her lies... it goes on and on... there are so many that i couldn't possibly post them all. most of them are huge elaberate lies about weird dumb things that no one would bother lieing about. its like she doesn't even know she lies. one of my biggest things is that she didn't "come clean", that would have helped me feel better about it, instead she kept lieing and coming up with stories and excuses. she didn't "come clean" untill i had so much evidence (ex. pics of her in the act and talking to her friends and her mother) that she couldn't say anything else. thats what hurt the most is that she could easily do these things and then easily look me in the eye and lie (even after being busted). like "jeffatl" said, she's a manipulator. my guess is shes used that her whole life to fit in and that could be why she lies about things (like being a model). ... maybe one of you can find answers or clues in this strange behavior. thanks again

dimples

Love cannot survive when you are always in doubt in a relationship. Once trust is broken, it is often hard to go back the way it was. Eventually, you become doubtful about everything she tells you that it will not be healthy for you both to stick together. Do yourself a favor & let her seek professional help.

jeffatl

Welcome to my world buddy, my EX would never come clean until I had hard proof like you. I agree with you about the whole "comming clean" thing as well. It really would have made me feel like she felt bad for doing what she did IF she told me herself. The thing you need to know is, manipulators will NEVER come clean, and they will ALWAYS make some sort of an excuse for their behavior instead of ownig up to it. I think you can calk alot of that up to maturity as well, it takes a BIG person to admit when they have done something wrong, and own up to it. I feel for you bro, I really do. I know how it feels to be lied to over and over again, it SUCKS BIG TIME. Dont get down on yourself though, no matter what she says, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! It sounds like this girl is alot like my EX, she like attention from guys. That doesnt mean that she hooks up with them, but she sounds like the type of girl that has low self esteem, so she makes up things to build herself esteem. This is EXACTLY like my EX. She LOVES attention from guys, and that can lead to trouble, if you dont do EXACTLY what she wants and give her MASSIVE ammounts of attention, she will look for it elsewhere. It stinks buddy, but you cant trust girls like that. Love is tuff in situations like this, I would say leave her alone for a while (like at least a few weeks) NO CONTACT!!!! She what she does, how she acts. Be strong buddy, things will get better.

letmeno

What you guys maybe do not understand, just like smoking, drinking, biting your nails, and doing drugs, lying is a habit. We don't understand it of course, just like someone who does not smoke could never in a million years understand why someone would stand out in the cold just to smoke a cigarette. Yes, lying is a terrible deciteful thing but it is a habit and a bad habit to break. I did not tell Thomas to fall back into her arms but I see something that you guy's don't understand for the simple fact that I have dealt with someone who had this illness. She is sick.... I am sure if she was able to tell him the truth @ any point in time, she would have. This is a question for Thomas, if she was strung out on drugs, and couldn't kick the habit and she came clean that she indeed had a drug habit, would you stick by her side and seek her the help that she so desperately needs or would you just throw her in the garbage? Me, personally, I don't have the patience to deal with this kind of crap, but He is clearly in love and torn up about the situation. Maybe after she gets help, she will be a totally different person, just like when a crack addict cleans himself up. compulsive lying is an addiction just like drugs. There are self help groups for these kind of people.