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She wants to take a break...?
Asked Oct 31, 2005, 02:09 PM
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87 Answers Alright so I have read a few previous posts about similar questions and have read good advice, now here is my situation. I am 20 years old a college football player, and my girlfriend is 22 years old, graduated and in her first year as a nurse 45 minutes away from me. We have been together for almost a year now, we lived together over the summer and everything has been amazing until this past week. We were planning on getting engaged within the next month or so. Anyway, the other day after we had been fighting she told me that she needed some space, I said okay and gave it to her the best I could. Wondering what was going on of course, I asked her some questions, like what is wrong and that sort of thing. She said that I haven't been the best boyfriend the past couple of months and that she needed to think about what she wanted because this isn't what she pictured our relationship to be like and she feels like she doesn't have a life where she lives and has no friends. So she has been going out with coworkers and friends and going out and having a good time which is awesome. Now granted and admittedly I haven't been the best boyfriend, she has practically been keeping our relationship going by driving up to see me all the time, literally! Now, I play football and my schedule doesn't really allow me to go and see her very often at all, but she knows that I go up there any chance I get and I am planning on moving in with her over christmas break and over the summer. However yesterday she called and said that we needed to take a break. I don't know what to think about this at all. She said that she DOES NOT want to break up but she just needs to think about things and she needs her space. Now I have been trying to be my old self like when we started dating, I have been trying to do all of the little things that made her fall in love with me, basically I got lazy in our relationship and I truly want to fix it but it is like she doesn't want me to fix it right now. I am confused and lost and need some of that good advice you folks have been dishing out. |
87 Answers
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| Amazing for whom? You? Not her. It's give and take. RULE #1.......GIVE HER THE FREAKING SPACE! DO NOT CALL! REPEAT AFTER ME DO NOT CALL! Stay 100% busy with school and football. Do not communicate with her. Leave her alone - make her miss you. See - you stopped being a challenge, mysterious, etc. I am sure somewhere over the summer you lowered her interest level big time by smothering her and being around her ALL THE freaking time. It's good you're trying gto go back to what turned her on in the first place....but she knows you will get lazy again. WHY did you get lazy in the first place? AGAIN - leave her alone or she will not come back. Not to break your heart, but you need to seriously find out if there is someone else? New work, new location, new people, new people ARE exciting. Space can usually mean a new guy she is thinking about. I deal in tough love and know what happens when women say these things. | ||||
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| There is nothing you can do to fix this now. Any attempt to fix this now, will be seen by her as an effort to get her back. Sounds romantic right? Not! For some reason most women hate the fact that once they ask for space(dumping you), the guy all of a sudden changes and starts to be all romantic again. Do as she asks, give her space. Do not contact her at all. Trust me, contacting her now in anyway will make her run. Do nothing what so ever with her. In the mean time refeclt on what happened. I know it hurts, start to deal with that. The first stages are the hardest. Do not hold it back, let it all out. Talk to your family and close friends. You will go through the stages of shock, anger, denial, bargaining (what if I did this or that), and then acceptance. It will take time. Slowly but surely, you'll over come this. Please do not go after her. Turn the other way, with your head up high. | ||||
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| One_life has it SPOT ON HERE! LISTEN TO HIM! I treid and tried and tried to win back my EX and all she did was run, and if you chase you will fall flat on your face. TRUST ME! I wouldn't say that this means its over with you two, but you need to just back off and let her contact you. If a woman wants you back, you will know. I tried for a good 2 months to win back my EX and all it did was CRUSH me and made me a crazy person  . I haven't talked with my EX now for almost 2 weeks and it is soooooo much better for me. It will be REALLY hard, but you have to man up here. Join a gym and find things to do to keep you busy, you sound like a good guy that has a lot to offer. Chin up buddy, you will be just fine!  | ||||
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| That which is chased - runs. Always. It's like chasing your shadow - you can never catch it. Or, running from your shadow it never catches you. Backing of is great strategy (lack of a better word). Let her miss you. | ||||
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| Thanks for the advice, I haven't talked to her the past couple of days and then she called me today when I wasn't around my phone. Now she called when I was at football and she knows my schedule so why would she call then and not leave a voicemail? Should I call her back or wait and hope she calls back, or should I just not answer her phone calls for a while. | ||||
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| NO! Don't call her. She wanted sapce - give it to her. You are a busy guy. If she's not leaving a message, she might be playing games. TESTS! | ||||
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| If she says she needs a break, then give it to her. Stay away from her and don't contact her at all. Go on with your life and do the things you like to do. Go out with your own friends and have fun. Meet and date some new women. As a college football player I'm sure you have access to lots of young, eligible females. Let her think things over for a while and see if she misses you. She may end up crawling back to you. If so, then you can continue the relationship on YOUR terms ; no head games, etc. You'll be in control and you'll make the rules. Meanwhile, if you meet someone you like better, then by all means you can tell her "so long, sweetheart" and let her have her regrets. | ||||
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| She is asking you for space because that is what she wants and you have to allow her that. My guess is that she is making new friends, making good money, venturing out on her own, enjoying the single life, having second thoughts about the relationship, and she is outgrowing you. She is having fun right now, and this may hurt a bit, but having you as a boyfriend may not really fit into her new life. This is just an assumption. I always try and put myself in the woman's shoes before I give advice. What it all boils down to is that she is wanting space. Do not try and contact her, do not call her, give her space. She is torn between what it is that she wants and stepping back and giving her time will allow her to make a choice. Good Luck. | ||||
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| Letmeno gives great advice here. Give her the space - that's the ONLY wya she will come back. She also wants to see if you're man enough to deal with that OR are a Wuss-Whimp and scream about wantin gher back. | ||||
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