Wow... Where to begin. Ill try to make this brief but how do you sum up 7 years of living together and 7 months of being separated.

The Breakup..
She needs space. She is unhappy with herself. She just finished college and was starting the masters but it was too stressfull. So she drops out. She is on the phone with me... crying saying she is so confused and she is so unhappy. She screams over the phone "i love you..i love you so much." but I can't be with you.

Needless to say.. it was a little hard to take. I have worked hard for us to get where we are. I have come along way as a person and built a life for us. I found my career... worked my butt off to get us a house and tried my best to be the best I could be for us. Anyway... back to the story.

The reasons she left..
I know most of the reasons she left. It was a mixture of her expectations that I didn't meet and her longing to be back in her home town with her friends and family. She is very close to them. She never really got a chance to be independent and be on her own after she moved because I came later and moved in to be with her. I always took care of her. She had had self esteem issues as well and she didn't like herself. So in other words she was a mess and she didn't feel that she could work it out while being in a relationship. She also couldn't find a job here after finishing college... in her home town, she got a job right away. Her career is very important to her.

Post Breakup...
Ok... this is where you guys are going to tare me up. After the breakup over the phone in September (cuz I was in japan on business) She didn't have anywhere to go so I told her to stay till she figures out her next move. Mean while I'm overseas with my heart gutted out and losing it while trying not to get fired from my dream job. She did the hardest thing and she called me so that I could vent and get it all out. She would let me sit there and cry while listening to me and telling me that it wasn't my fault and that it would be OK. It went on almost everyday for 2 weeks and I started to get better. Kind of. I was just trying not to cry on her shoulder as much. So in October she decided to move back home to her family and friends and packed most of her stuff up.

We continued to talk almost everyday on the phone. My work friends in japan kept me going out and having fun as much as I could... which was hard to say the least. One night she asked me to call her and she had been drinking. She was having a hard time and she let slip that she loves me still so much. I played it off by saying that we will always have those feelings.

So I fly back a month later and she told me that she was driving down to pick me up from the airport. So she does and she stays at "our" my house for 3 days and it was weird at first but after a little bit she naturally reached for my hand and later kissed me. We slept in the same bed and made passionate love. On the 3rd day we packed her car with more of her stuff and ready to go. We are outside and she has her arms tight around me holding me close. Her eyes are swollen from the tears that are streaming down her face. She says to me, "im confused.....am i doing the right thing?" My voice wouldn't come to me... I could only whisper, "I love you and i want you to be happy. You have to figure this out." Tears were poring down my face and my mind was wishing me dead for saying what I just said. She kissed me so passionately and held me for what seemed like forever. Then she left. She texted me shortly after saying how I would always hold a huge place in her heart and how she would always love me. I wrote her back saying, " Maybe im not Mr. right now but Mr. later." She replied, "i hope so."

Way post break up....
So here is the latest... short and brief. She asked me to spend thanksgiving... christmas... and newyears with her... and I did. I have gone up to see her a couple of times a month. She calls me everyday and texts me everyday... I never initiate it. We both have not dated anyone else and are uninterested in dating anyone else.

February she calls me one night and she tells me that she had a conversation with her friend (who is a guy). She says that he asked her, "if he was all those things why aren't you with him. Why do woman do that to nice guys. If he was a jerk to you...you would have stayed but instead you hurt him for being good to you." She said that he really made her think about what her expectations were of me and how she always raised the bar every time I met her expectations. (which I didn't know about. I always just grew as a person). She then said that she thinks she made a mistake and that she wants to work on us but take it slow. That she still needs time to work on her but that she wants to be with me. So since then we have spent much time together as we can. I have been driving up 500miles to see her and she came down on spring break to be with me. We had such a good time.

Recently in April I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said she couldn't and that it was because if she was she would always be worried about what I'm doing and who I'm talking to and she said that she doesn't want to be crazy like that. I said that if we aren't dating anyone else and you say you want to be with me... what is the difference. She said she couldn't deal with the stress of it right now and to just take it slow.

After that I had doubts. I was questioning the whole thing. Worrying about the distance, fading love, and the influence of time. She said that she isn't losing hope and neither should I.

Well... its May and I have spent more time with her. Last night we got into it about some stupid stuff and I showed jealousy... she was mad but understood. We worked it out over the phone and she said something that made me laugh after such a serious conversation. "I love you...Deal with it."

So.. here I am... loving this woman with everything I have and wondering what the future holds. Which is pointless because you can't predict the future.

Things i NEED to do.......

Any advice would be appreciated.

But meantime I think I'll
-work on me.
-hang out with my friends and enjoy being out of a relationship
-try to be happy
-work on bieng a complete person
-get my routine going again at the gym
-stick with my hobbies of racing motorcycles

By all accounts you two are broken up in words only as you still exclusively see each other, and get along great, so keep it up and stop wanting a written declaration. Enjoy her and,
Things i NEED to do.......
But meantime I think I'll
-work on me.
-hang out with my friends and enjoy being out of a relationship(?)
-try to be happy
-work on bieng a complete person
-get my routine going again at the gym
-stick with my hobbies of racing motorcycles.

Even though I kind of knew I was doing the right thing. Its good to hear it from someone else. I am trying to focus more on me but my stubborn butt makes it hard by always thinking about her. But I'm determined. I am on a mission to get me whole again and I won't stop. I will not fail.

Here is the latest update in my situation. She wrote this and sent it to me.

The only explanation I'll give you.

I won't give it a title. Not because I'm hiding anything from anyone but because you want so badly for me to put a name on it. Does it change who or what we are? Things are changing everyday and everyday its new. This is ground I haven't been on before. Its not about taking chances either because that's what I live for but I've been hurt too often recently by those I cared the most about. Its true, I don't trust you and that's a f---ed up thing to say and a hard thing to hear but the only person I trust is me and sometimes not even that. Trust is earned and I'm working on getting there. I'm finally at a point where I'm satisfied with myself and from this point on I feel like this could be a really beautiful thing. I have so much fun when I'm with you and when your gone, I miss you. We'll do all of those things together, go on vacation, a cruise, whatever, wherever, whenever. But at the end of the day, I still want to be just me, not an US all the time. I know I'm selfish and I'm a brat and I'm spoiled but you knew that from the moment we met. That's what you love about me, you've said it yourself. Eight months ago I let go of a lot of bulls--t and I don't ever want to be there or do that again. I need a fresh start, free of hurt and resentment. I've gotten that with you and I like where things are for the most part, the insecurity I could do without. Yes its just you, No I'm not leaving and going back to San Diego. I'm here, my life is here, what and who I love are here and if and when a time comes, we'll make a move together. I can't predict the future. I'm good but I'm not that good. But what I do know is that you make me smile and you do all of those little things that nobody else ever thinks of and when I wait for you, I get that little nervous butterfly feeling, and when you leave I'm left with a heavy heart. If that's not enough for right now, I'm sorry... but its all I can give.

She certainly sounds like a maverick, and you can't be plainer than that, so the only question is what do you do about it??
I would enjoy this friendship, and love to the max, and give her all the freedom she wants, because it will be a great adventure, But it takes a very secure, independent male, to deal with it. She is VERY independent, and VERY secure, and a very rare person. If you can't hang with what she is about then she will leave you in an emotional heap. She is not for the faint of heart for sure.

If you want to be with her give her the space she wants.

I don't believe she truly loves you she just doesn't like to be without you.

Like when she says I miss you when your gone, well that does not mean she loves you just she misses you when your gone.

If you become very independent yourself then this will help but if you ever become to clingy you can say goodbye. Its hard to do but you can never be jealous or insecure or you will be gone.

Then again why not just live your own life and have as much fun as you can by yourself and let her live hers and at the same time you can be with each other yet you will have a relationship where you will be with an independent woman who won't rely on you.

Problem here is in a relationship you should rely on each other, so further down the track where is this going to go are you just going to go on like this forever until she adventually breaks your heart and says I don't want this, or maybe she does come around, but surely if it was true love she would rely on you.

Haha... she sure is a maverick. Funny that you said that... she thinks of her self that way. She is a rare person for sure and confident in her ways.

Im still on the fence about this. At the moment I'm not sure what I want to do about the situation. She is coming down in a week to hang out. I know that things will go well. Im not clingy anymore... I give her space... im more confident in who I am... I keep everything fun and happy. Which is how it should be. Its almost like we are dating again. I have no resentment towards her or anger.

But like I said I am on the fence about this... because I'm looking towards the future and I'm not sure I see how this can work with the distance. 500 miles apart.

Lately I've been trying to remember how strong I can be. I may be only 30 years old but I feel that I have lived a lifetime in such a short span. I have been through so many different things that its hard to believe how much they have changed me.

My childhood was filled with such awful things. Divorce... my brothers/sisters drug abuse... my 2 brothers and sister in jail all the time... them causing drama on a daily basis... moving repeatedly and always alone... being overweight... a father who sold drugs and brought home his friends from the strip club... a mother who was beat by her own daughter who was on cocaine while my brother watched... not having a room till I was 13 years old and sleeping on the couch because my brothers and sisters were always taking advantage of my mom... being homeless for a time... trying so hard to keep a torn family together and help out my mom... seeing her health fade... my grandmother died... my mother passing this last year (her birthday was yesterday)... my father going to jail for life this year... my first love cheating on me with my best friend... depression... suicide attempt... Living on my own for the last 11 years... traveling the world in the navy... dropping everything for my current love and moving to a place with nothing where I made a life for myself... Countless other things that have pushed me to be strong. Things that have defined me and who I am today. I have tried to take these experiences and learn from them.

But in the aftermath of this relationship I have almost forgotten these things. These things that are an important part of who I am and are a testament to my spirit. I to am strong. I to can be whole again and make a happy life for myself again. Ive done it before... ill do it again with or with out her.

I believe T-Man is impressed by her lifestyle and her writing but I personally don't think this should have any affect on you! That's her life. She wants to have her life and also come to you whenever she likes. She gives it no name and she is just keeping you strung along in the greatest way a girl can ever do it. She sure is rare in the sense that she has this amazing power to keep you around, even though she knows you want more. She is hurting you and you know it. Why put yourself through this? Try moving on my friend. Don't fall for this! She is oh so clever!

Tal... you crack me up. I think you're dead on.

I can't agree on this one Emo, as if you take things at face value she means what she says, and whatever you choose to do is fine. Yes I love that type of female, nonsense, straight and direct. The trick is to enjoy them because they can be a load of fun, just keep expectations realistic, which is good in any relationship, whether its friends or lovers. Life to me is about keeping it real and enjoying the good and dealing with the not so good, and being happy as you can be. Yeah, SD, I feel you on this one!

I do agree with that statement, Emo, so to SD, however it turns out, you should be complimented in your taste in females, and having made an obviously positive impression. I really don't think you have anything to be negative about. Have fun!!

T-Man still advices to go for it and just live it up right now. I guess I'm just worrying about your feelings too much. I'm just scared for you... To keep common ground between T-Man and myself... "Keep expectations low and enjoy her"! Enough said... Good luck!

I agree with you Tal. She has always been brutally honest with me... no matter how much it hurt. I do believe she still loves me but she really feels that she has to be super independent. Possibly because when she has depended on people in the past she was badly hurt emotionally by it. She clarified for me that she doesn't mean at the end of the day she doesn't want me there... but that she doesn't want loose herself in the relationship.

Im just hoping that she can find a middle ground for us and this independence.


EDIT:

I guess the trick is to find my own middle ground with this. Enjoy it like you guys say.

Haha... thanks for the compliment. I knew from the start that she was a rare person and I love her for it. I always pick the sassy ones.

One day at a time Sdjosh. You will be okay!

HAHAHA!! Thanks Emo... I can't go around tooting my own horn though...

Well, I will for you! Lol I'm going home... Have a great day and keep us updated with this rare situation and enjoy it. Just take it easy and don't expect too much and I'm sure things can only get better for you... ::Hoping::

Just to clarify, know yourself and your feelings and be realistic about this relationship(?). You still have to balance your life, and be happy and true to yourself. I have always advised against waiting on what if's. I am definately not saying pursue, but enjoy. That means your single and free, and can do what you want, with whomever you want.

Well... here is the latest update. She is here with me visiting since Friday. We are having a good time. Lazy days laying by the pool... good food... conversation. She was supposed to leave yesterday but she has decided to hang around for a little longer. She hasn't said how long but I think maybe a couple more days.

She is renting a 2 bedroom house in August up north where she lives. She has made several comments asking me to move in. To find a new job up there and live there with her. I haven't made any comments or promises.

It is so nice to have her in the house again though. We cooked together the other night. She comes to bed and wraps her arms around me, kisses me and tells me she loves me. I know that she means it because she doesn't put her feelings out there lightly.

You lucky dog, keep your cool and enjoy her visit.