Two weeks ago, my GF of 18 months decided she needed a "break". I want to state that she is a very busy girl: 2 jobs, one 4 year old daughter, and a full time school schedule for the next three years (including summers) and our relationship was long distance (she lives in my hometown and I live an hour or so away).

I really did not see this coming because up to this point things have been going great, we have discussed marriage (mainly she has discussed it) and she has never voiced any doubts to me. We have never really had a fight, some minor disagreements but nothing crazy. She really has not given me any answers as to what she is thinking or where this is heading. I love this girl so much, but I am really having doubts as to how to handle this situation. She did tell me that she is still in love with me, but that her instincts were telling her to do this.

I kind of lost it for the first 5 days. I was calling her siblings and acting like a nut. I emailed her last thursday to apologize for the calls and told her I finally had my head back on my shoulders and that she forced me to take a hard look in the mirror at myself and I need to change somethings (mainly my activity level). She responded back and said thanks for the email and said she agreed that I summed things up in my email of her feelings. She also stated that she wants to be friends but to take a few weeks (as friends) apart (her words).

I have really found the other posts to be very helpful. I am in the no-contact zone and have been for 6 days ( no email ) and 10 days since we have spoken on the phone. I have started exercising and actually I have already lost 10 pounds in 10 days. I feel great and have actually made amends with some other people in my life that I had been neglecting. I really am feeling great about my life other than this GF shizz. I feel like I have grown more as a person in the last 5 - 10 days than the last 5 years of my life.

I actually found out a few days after my realization of my laziness that she was having a problem with my laziness from her brother. It feels like we came to the same conclusions independently. I am on the road to conquering this complacency and laziness which feels really good.

I guess my question is am I handling this ok or should I do something different

missbeach123

Sounds like your on the right track. We all are allowed a few mistakes (contact) in the beginning. But just give her space, work on making yourself an interesting person and work on your life without her. Whether or not she comes back, you'll be a better person, more interesting, and more desirable.

Be careful before becoming "friends". Its impossible to become an ex's friend right away because the feelings are still there! I find that when one suggests friends, it means that the want to alleviate some guilt, or cause the partner who still loves them to be a safety net just in case they want you back. If your okay with that, then proceed with caution.

Keep your accomplishments, like losing weight etc.. to yourself, don't go right out and tell her. But theres nothing wrong with talking to a mutual friend, someone who will get word back to her that your doing and looking great.

In the end, she needs to realize what life without you is like, so give it to her. Contact drives them further away (I am a testiment to this, my break ended in a break up, one of the reason was I didn't give a break to him). So take it easy, keep busy, have some fun and keep us posted!

talaniman

Your doing the exact same thing I would have suggested. No matter how hard it is don't call her. And be patient others will drift thru so relax. Have a jog.

SeriouslyConfused

Does anyone think this chick will be back?

SeriouslyConfused

I finally talked to my exgf today without being totally delirious. we broke up 2 weeks ago after 18 months, and the first week I was a total basket case. This was caused by the shock ( I really did not see it coming) and the method of how she did it (over the phone).

I think it was a great talk and although we are not getting back together, I feel closure. I got some stuff off my chest about things I wish I did differently. I also feel kind of relieved about some of the things she mentioned in the talk. Like missing me and thinking about me. I did not like some things though, like her wanting to be friends. I said that probably would not be possible because I have no idea what that would mean. She also mentioned thinking about having sex with me which I am not sure how to take.

I wonder what everyone thinks about this info. I feel pretty decent about it. It just puts to rest the anxiety I have been feeling about her hating me because I went so richter the first couple of days. I really feel like I can move on and enjoy the crap outta this summer. I just hope I feel this way when I wake up tomorrow.

She called me too, I have been no contact for 7 days.

mckenzie134

sHE STILL WANTS TO HAVE YOU IN HER LIFE BUT AT THE MOMENT DOES NOT FEEL THAT YOU ARE THE ONE.

i know how too fix this you are still in her mind and she is still making a decision. You have to remain in no contact she will definately contact you again. You have to refuse the sex MAYBE!!! This is ify sex can keep the emotion in but what you must not do is be to keen . If she wants the action fine but make sure you get her over and banfg the hell out of her show her that your in charge.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ONE THE MOST IMPORTANT. THE REASON SHE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU IS BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOU FOR A LONG TIME AND THAT IS A HUGE EMOTIONAL THING FOR A GIRL SHE WILL BE FEELING LIKE SHE EWANTS YOU TO GIVE IT TO HER SO BAD. THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS. IF YOU GIVE IT TO HER YOU MUST MUST MUST!!!! SEND HER ON HER WAY ONCE YOURVE FINISHED WITH HER DONT LET HER SIT AROIND... DO IT NOW LET US KNOW CHAMP ON THE UPDATE

SeriouslyConfused

We did talk about a party we are both invited to for a mutual friend. Suprise Birthday party, I have no idea what to expect, i want to go in with no expectations if possibe, its not for a couple weeks.

mckenzie134

No more talk mate nothing to the party. If she mentions it say nothing your too busy too talk now your moving on, even though your not you have to put across that your not playing or standing for this you dont do breaks your awinner your getting aqnother girl theres plenty of opportunities and girls for you.... By not speakingto her she will wonder what yourdoing and alotof the time they think the worst like oh his gone someone else has him ive lost!!!1

Then they call more thinking they waa reconcile can we try again. If this happens tell them your not sure now you need time ... keep me posted...

fix-what-you-broke

i hear what mckenzie is saying here..."THE REASON SHE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU IS BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOU FOR A LONG TIME"...from a womans side of things, i can say that for me sleeping with someone else now would be like learning to swim all over again.
i know what he likes,what he doesnt, and with someone new you have to learn all over again..but in your case that should be part of the fun ;-p, in my case it doesnt apply.
i thinks its normal for her to miss you, and even want to sleep with you, after all you have been together for a while, people need time to ajust to being alone again.
keep up with the no contact until you feel ready to be a friend, thats if you ever do.

SeriouslyConfused

I plan on keeping this up, I am going to see her Sunday. I hope to make that a hi and bye exchange of our property. I want to not talk to her until June 9th after that, we will be at a party for a mutual friend.

I also want to say that I am not sure she wants to have sex, she just told me she has been thinking about it. I am not trying to toot my own horn here, but the sex was fantastic and she always remarked what a stress reliever it was. I guess I will just let this play out and see where it heads.