I have been with my ex-girlfriend for about 2 years now. We broke up about 2 weeks ago. We had a long distance relationship, got a lot of memories together. We used to meet every weekend, and all I had to do is to trust her. But the last times, I saw a kind of coldness in her. So we started arguing, and always she told me that everything goes fine, the only problem is our communication. I tried to believe that, and wanted to change things in me, so stopped being possesiv and jealous in same time. After 1 month of calmed situation I found her cheating on me with her ex (with whom she used to break before 2 years after a 4 year relationship, and as I know, she didn't loved him anymore, and in the same time she didn't wanted even kiss him). Actually I don't know what she found so interesant in him, to get back to him. Sweet words can be so..? Anyway, I broke up with her. To realize that she was cheating on me, I used to write her an email making her believe I was her best best friend, asking her how the things between us are going. She responded to that mail and I used to read her mail, and there was everything written black on white.

I told her that I know everything, told her about that mail, and she was very angry, because

I made her fool believing that it was her best friend writing to her. It was a bad break up, and I used to shame and lay into her because she lied me. After I left her, I was so stupid to send a message to her ex. That was too stupid, but my mind was totally out of control. Now I'm very aware of the fact that I dissapointed her more than one time. Reading her mail, making her fool about the mail, sending the message to her so-called ex, dumped her... And I'm aware of the fact that because of all these dispointments she can't talk to me now. Somehow, we are both angry to each other. I used to write her a long mail, telling her that I'm sorry and I'm aware of all the wrong things I have done after the breakup. I wanted to meet her in somehow, but she send me a message telling me "after all the dissapointments from what you did, i dont know if i could look in your eyes again, and i dont know if this will happen".

Now I realized how much I miss her, and that I still care and love her. I tried to be in contact, sending her messages and mails. I know she saves, prints and reads everything I send (I know that because I have a remote access in her computer), but she never responded me. I guess she waits for such mails and things from me, but its not ready to talk to me.

Recently, I told her that I was in her city waiting for her to talk about the things. She responded with a simple message "dont wait for me, i wont come. i need time for this. take care!". I don't know but I think this is somehow a way to say leave me alone. On the same time, I think she really needs time,because of the bad breakup, and all the bad things I have done after the breakup. Now my question is, Is there any way I can get her back, because I really don't want to loose her. Should I go for another try (sending messages or mails, which I'm afraid will be boring to her, even she keeps reading all the mails I've sent) or should I back off, or should I leave and move on even if I'm still in love with her?

It's over, buddy. Move on. The only thing you need to tell yourself is that time does, in fact, heal all wounds... It also changes the face of things QUITE signifcantly. I know it's not fun to hear but there's no quick fix. Find something to make your life worthwhile. This something does not necessarily have to be a relationship...

Well said and true.


It's time to live your life now. It's time to move on.

Step back for a second and look at how you two have acted towards each other. Pretend you're us reading this. She betrayed your trust at perhaps the deepest possible level by cheating on you. And you found out that she was cheating on you by impersonating her best friend and spying on her. Does this sound like a situation that is healthy for you? Do you think that either one of you could ever trust each other again, even if you did somehow get back together?

You're probably stuck on her because you know there's no way she'll take you back, and you want what you can't have, which is understandable, many people do. But wanting her just because you can't have her is a bad reason to keep wanting her. Whatever trust and respect that there ever was in the relationship is gone, but it sounds like there wasn't much to begin with.

And does she know that you have remote access to your computer? Because that's wrong and very likely may be illegal.

I agree. It does not sound like she is remorseful for actions and she is also putting the heat on you. There is a girl out there for you who will treat you right but you will not meet her if you are still holding on to your ex!

I think your girl has made up her mind to stay aloof and honestly, she doesn't like you enough now to carry on with the relationship. I know it's going to be hard on you if I say this but this is the truth, EVEN IF YOU GET HER BACK, u guys will never be able to recreate the magic you once shared... so just let it be and think of other better things in life... there's so much to do...

Dude,

She cheated on you. And somehow YOU are the one thinking about what you did wrong and trying hard?

I think it'd be tough to get back with her. You'll be the most insecure you'v ever been, and for good reason. She cheated on you. You'll constantly wonder, you'll pry, you'll spy. You'll be worried all the time--especially since you're long distance. You'll be very very unhappy.

She's not trustworthy.

You've said your "sorries," so walk away tall, man. That's pretty cool that you were able to realize your wrongs... even in the heat of the horrible thing she did.

Oh, and don't read all over this forum about folks who are still in love with other folks after 14 years and this utter trash. You'll move on and will find another wonderful gal and you'll be very very happy.

Do you actually think this girl makes you happy? And will in the future? Sorry to say but once a cheater always a cheater, she already knows you want her, and she already pushed your button and cheated on you, you actually think accepting her back will teach her a lesson? I don't think so, you deserve way better, and soon you will see why, right now your just lost, what you need to do is suck it up, and tell her No, and start NC, don't listen to her crys, or her whining when she runs back to you, don't fall for her pathetic games which your doing right now, wake up she CHEATED! On you with another guy? You actually are willing to see yourself with this imature girl?

Wrong and illegal?? Common people, do you think I cared so much of the fact that that is illegal? I made that virus only for her and my calmed mind. That virus helped me to not be fool in this long distance relationship. And now I'm selling it to any one who is in the same situation. Cheating IS Illegal, 1 month of lyies is illegal. "Being good at me" only because I should be calm and not bother her with my discussion and questions about trust and honestly. That's illegal!

Eh, if that could be so easy :) well, I'm most bored and angry of the fact that that guy is the same one she cheated on with me. And after 2 years, the poor guy still doesn't know that fact. She lied to him too, saying him that she used to break with him and after come in a relationship with me. Do you know what was written on that sms ? Well, I could resist to the fact he still doesn't know it, so I told him to be careful, and told him what really happened. I know that the girl for sure has told him its not true, but who cares now. The guy wanted to talk to me, but I told him that's all I can say, if you want proves come in contact with me. And do you know what he said to me? That I'm such a weak man, and all the rest. And I told him, I'm more a man you use to know. I got my answers and in the same time I got your answer you never knew. That's a man.

Neojunior bro:
Uhmmm... I think the basics are over the table by now. Two years of relationship, an infidelity, an inmature woman, and your over controlling behavior developed by a unhealthy relationship. If you ask me it's worthy to create a virus for spying cheaters, I would say I prefer to live more in medieval ages lol, comon dude, invest your genious mind into something more productive. For me, a fool isn't to be cheated on, a fool is once you know it you don't do anything according to your dignity, that's a really and dangerous fool.
The other guy... well, is not his fault either, the choice was on HER hands. I believe no SWEET words can soften a well based love, so she broke your trust on her, she take for granted your loyalty and love in 2 years, then she's not worth your care. God help her to find a decent and honest life.
Don't worry about anything else but YOU for now. Yes, you checked her mail (virus included) because you felt something, OK! That's understandable but far from acceptable. You made your apologies clear to her, but the fact she's making your mistake bigger than hers, well that's is clear sign of not knowing how to face her own way out, and again, life is greater with someone you can accomplish huge goals not with one who withdraws yourself esteem with her behavior.
So my friend, put your mind and heart on right viruses :)
Be strong and enjoy

Move on buddy.. the most important thing is self-respect

Buddy I know that was wrong, but in a way or another I always trusted on my instincts. Im not saying that its acceptable the fact that I used to check her mail, but she always tried to take me back, telling me that there is everything OK, and all the rest. 3 times during the 3 months I wanted to make her believe that I'm going away if she doesn't change her behavior. She always told me that she wants this relationship, she will not meet him anymore, and she will fight for this relationship. All I had to do was to understand her, and not being so possessiv and jelaous. And I changed my behaviour the last month. Everything was fine, and I thought OK, this will work. Until the day everything got Boom! Is that my fault? By the way, she is 26, and she should react like an adult god damn it.

Instincts are part of our human nature, we should give them a place into our decisions. You felt something stink and you take action, and discover something that shouldn't be happening. Ok that behavior could be interpreted as a possessive, and she could even create a movie inside her head of how it would be a future life with you like that. But again, SHE CHEATED and you acted according to your sixth sense. It's seems she played you well in that, don't allow her to manipulate you with guilty. She's too embarrassed yet by her behavior that's she's missdirecting your attention to where she feels has the control... guilt on you.
That's other aspect of her you should consider when you think about if it's worth it or not to invest your time and energy on a second match with this gal, besides the cheat thing.
It's not your FAULT!! And yes you are sooo right, she's not acting like a 26 years old woman.
Recharge your batteries here bro,

Good luck

She cheated pretty simple w. not worth it.cheaterswill always chest I know this for sure

I think the bigger problem here is the fact you are spying on her, if i found out that someone was watching me by having remote access to my computer i would go to the police regardless of the fact i had a relationship with you.
you also say that you pretended to be her best friend to get her to talk to you...
you are violating her trust,to me its bordering on being a stalker.
I would forget about this woman as you are in too deep with it all and its not healthy.
stop spying on her and get on with your life.

I didn't told her I'm spying, for god sake. I said her that I only read that mail, that's all! And yes, that I send her that mail like I was her best friend. I am the only one here who knows about spying on her. Man, I guess you have never been in such a situation with a girl who makes you think that everything is OK, because if you could spy on your girl or your wife, I sure you, you would do it! Oh yes, you would do it.

well from what you just said by attacking me for my answer, i can confirm that i am a female hence my name Mrs!, also, i wouldnt spy on my partner (a MAN) as its all about trust.
If i get a feeling something is wrong i use my mouth and talk to him about it, I communicate with him, i do not set up his computer for remote assistance, that is spying, that is watching her without her knowing.
that to me isnt a relationship, far from it, its based on lies.
I was stating my oppinion on your situation, and the way you attacked me for it says to me that i hit a nerve, you know what you are doing is worng.
good luck...and by the way, you say in your last post that you didnt tell her you are spying, does that make it ok because she doesnt know?

Well it seems you didn't understand that. I talked to her so much, you can't believe it. I used to communicate with her, and she always told me everything is OK, the only problem is that I should be more understandable, and not wonder all the time where she is and with whom she is. I didn't asked her before, but only the last time, 2 months ago maybe, when things got to be cold in her. And after 1 month of calmness between us, I found out that she was cheating on me. That's why I used to believe my instincts, and got my answer in another way, and not from her. I know its wrong, but didn't want she to make me fool. And by the way, I'm not saying is OK, but why should I respect her by telling her on spying, when she didn't had the same respect for me, when got cheating. Im not nervous, not trying to justify my reactions, I only want to know, and I wanted to find a way out to make contact with her, and to tell her the whole story (spying and everything). In this way, we could be forgiveable somehow for each other. Now, should I try to stay in contact, sending maybe kind of "how you doing" messages, or should I leave all this thing unexplained for ever?

And sorry if I showed myself an attacker and nervous, I'm nervous from the whole thing, not with you. As a female, what could be your opinion in this case, and could there be any chance, at least to be in contact? I don't want her to hate me, I don't want to hate her. That's all