She cheated on me, and I broke up. But still in love with her and want her back.
I have been with my ex-girlfriend for about 2 years now. We broke up about 2 weeks ago. We had a long distance relationship, got a lot of memories together. We used to meet every weekend, and all I had to do is to trust her. But the last times, I saw a kind of coldness in her. So we started arguing, and always she told me that everything goes fine, the only problem is our communication. I tried to believe that, and wanted to change things in me, so stopped being possesiv and jealous in same time. After 1 month of calmed situation I found her cheating on me with her ex (with whom she used to break before 2 years after a 4 year relationship, and as I know, she didn't loved him anymore, and in the same time she didn't wanted even kiss him). Actually I don't know what she found so interesant in him, to get back to him. Sweet words can be so..? Anyway, I broke up with her. To realize that she was cheating on me, I used to write her an email making her believe I was her best best friend, asking her how the things between us are going. She responded to that mail and I used to read her mail, and there was everything written black on white.
I told her that I know everything, told her about that mail, and she was very angry, because
I made her fool believing that it was her best friend writing to her. It was a bad break up, and I used to shame and lay into her because she lied me. After I left her, I was so stupid to send a message to her ex. That was too stupid, but my mind was totally out of control. Now I'm very aware of the fact that I dissapointed her more than one time. Reading her mail, making her fool about the mail, sending the message to her so-called ex, dumped her... And I'm aware of the fact that because of all these dispointments she can't talk to me now. Somehow, we are both angry to each other. I used to write her a long mail, telling her that I'm sorry and I'm aware of all the wrong things I have done after the breakup. I wanted to meet her in somehow, but she send me a message telling me "after all the dissapointments from what you did, i dont know if i could look in your eyes again, and i dont know if this will happen".
Now I realized how much I miss her, and that I still care and love her. I tried to be in contact, sending her messages and mails. I know she saves, prints and reads everything I send (I know that because I have a remote access in her computer), but she never responded me. I guess she waits for such mails and things from me, but its not ready to talk to me.
Recently, I told her that I was in her city waiting for her to talk about the things. She responded with a simple message "dont wait for me, i wont come. i need time for this. take care!". I don't know but I think this is somehow a way to say leave me alone. On the same time, I think she really needs time,because of the bad breakup, and all the bad things I have done after the breakup. Now my question is, Is there any way I can get her back, because I really don't want to loose her. Should I go for another try (sending messages or mails, which I'm afraid will be boring to her, even she keeps reading all the mails I've sent) or should I back off, or should I leave and move on even if I'm still in love with her?