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    She cheated on me, and I broke up. But still in love with her and want her back.

    Asked May 29, 2007, 09:41 AM 69 Answers
    I have been with my ex-girlfriend for about 2 years now. We broke up about 2 weeks ago. We had a long distance relationship, got a lot of memories together. We used to meet every weekend, and all I had to do is to trust her. But the last times, I saw a kind of coldness in her. So we started arguing, and always she told me that everything goes fine, the only problem is our communication. I tried to believe that, and wanted to change things in me, so stopped being possesiv and jealous in same time. After 1 month of calmed situation I found her cheating on me with her ex (with whom she used to break before 2 years after a 4 year relationship, and as I know, she didn't loved him anymore, and in the same time she didn't wanted even kiss him). Actually I don't know what she found so interesant in him, to get back to him. Sweet words can be so..? Anyway, I broke up with her. To realize that she was cheating on me, I used to write her an email making her believe I was her best best friend, asking her how the things between us are going. She responded to that mail and I used to read her mail, and there was everything written black on white.

    I told her that I know everything, told her about that mail, and she was very angry, because

    I made her fool believing that it was her best friend writing to her. It was a bad break up, and I used to shame and lay into her because she lied me. After I left her, I was so stupid to send a message to her ex. That was too stupid, but my mind was totally out of control. Now I'm very aware of the fact that I dissapointed her more than one time. Reading her mail, making her fool about the mail, sending the message to her so-called ex, dumped her... And I'm aware of the fact that because of all these dispointments she cant talk to me now. Somehow, we are both angry to each other. I used to write her a long mail, telling her that I'm sorry and I'm aware of all the wrong things I have done after the breakup. I wanted to meet her in somehow, but she send me a message telling me "after all the dissapointments from what you did, i dont know if i could look in your eyes again, and i dont know if this will happen".

    Now I realized how much I miss her, and that I still care and love her. I tried to be in contact, sending her messages and mails. I know she saves, prints and reads everything I send (I know that because I have a remote access in her computer), but she never responded me. I guess she waits for such mails and things from me, but its not ready to talk to me.

    Recently, I told her that I was in her city waiting for her to talk about the things. She responded with a simple message "dont wait for me, i wont come. i need time for this. take care!". I don't know but I think this is somehow a way to say leave me alone. On the same time, I think she really needs time,because of the bad breakup, and all the bad things I have done after the breakup. Now my question is, Is there any way I can get her back, because I really don't want to loose her. Should I go for another try (sending messages or mails, which I'm afraid will be boring to her, even she keeps reading all the mails I've sent) or should I back off, or should I leave and move on even if I'm still in love with her?

    Last edited by NeoJunior; May 29, 2007 at 09:52 AM.
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    69 Answers
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 35,056, Reputation: 5106
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #61

    Jun 10, 2007, 11:17 AM
    And if you date and then fall for another girl who turns out to be even better for you than the one you lost--and is someone who loves you too? Would that be so bad? I say wait and don't contact her--leave it up to her to contact you if she misses you.
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    NeoJunior's Avatar
    NeoJunior Posts: 41, Reputation: -2
    Junior Member
     
    #62

    Jun 23, 2007, 03:41 AM
    Support for sending a letter to my ex?
    I was with this girl for 2 years, but from 1 month or so, I used to break up with her in a badly way. She did something very wrong, without knowing what she is doing, but now, I know she is hurt too, because she took me for granted, and now that I'm gone, I believe she feels the pain, but she doesn't want to show her pain to me. I really miss her deeply, I still care about her and her life, so I tried to be in contact with her, but she seems not liking this, cause she doesn't reply to my mails or sms. She asked me for some time to see me in my eyes again, because she was dissapointed from my reactions too and that badly (not violent) breakup. I asked her what it means, and she told me "Everything was interrupted so brutally, i couldnt ever imagine. What remains are the memories corrupted by the ugly latest events". So I asked her, if she really wants only the memories, and she told me "i dont understand what makes you think there will be another possibility for what we had. There will be no other chance". I got this sms before 10 days but she didn't tell me why. Its not that I hate being alone, the problem is that I want her, and I know what kind of relation it was. Its difficult for me to explain, but all I know, it was special for both of us. We were so deep in the eachothers life. I want to send her a letter about what happened, explaining her about the relationship, our good times and memories together, and all the rest, so that I could help her with this decision and making her mind clean, and trying to stop this fight and break the ice, but I don't know, maybe it will make the things worse. I don't want to tell her about my feelings, cause I don't want her to think I'm feeling weak, or even trying to get back with her. I just want to tell her why that happened. There was only a problem between us. The only argue between us, all this time, was a problem imported. She talked to her ex, and her ex has still feeling for her, and all the time he used to tell her he loves her and so on. I knew this, and the argue began. On the same time, I used to feel a little anxious, jealous, some kind of possessive, maybe weak because of the stress, and that's because the things came to this end. He saw that our relation was in weak phase, and he got trying to take her back more and more, and make her more confused. I don't want to talk about him in this letter, because I know I will loose my power. I only want to tell her what and why that happened. So, what do you think about this letter? Should I send her or let her believe that I don't care anymore, and I want this end too?
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    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,667, Reputation: 1706
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    #63

    Jun 23, 2007, 03:50 AM
    It sounds like it has been over long time ago.

    Sorry to say but if she does not want any contact why are you going to contact her?

    You need to leave this one well alone. Time to except responsibilities for your part in this relationship and the decisions that were made.

    Hope you learned something from this and it is time for you to move on. You say that you want her to know the way you feel and you want to let her know what happened and blah blah blah. Then in the same breath you say that you do not want to mention you in the later because you do not want her to think that your still thinking about her and that you do not want her to think that you want her back. The fact is she will probably think that anyway.

    Best thing to do is drop it.

    Joe
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    nena54's Avatar
    nena54 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #64

    Jun 23, 2007, 04:20 AM
    Incredible, I read your question. My boyfriend and I broke up with a similar situation. If you really love her, let her know do not let your pride get in the way of your happiness. Give it your best shot. The longer you spend time away from her the harder it is for a happy return. I live so lonely, I miss my ex so much. His pride and gossip from people got in the way. I did my best for him to listen to me. He ignored me and would not even look my way. We live around the corner from each other. After 9 years being together I find it hard to believe he just stop loving me.
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    NeoJunior's Avatar
    NeoJunior Posts: 41, Reputation: -2
    Junior Member
     
    #65

    Jun 23, 2007, 04:21 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by nena54
    Incredible, I read your question. My boyfriend and I broke up with a similar situation. If you really love her, let her know do not let your pride get in the way of your happiness. Give it your best shot. The longer you spend time away from her the harder it is for a happy return. I live so lonely, I miss my ex so much. His pride and gossip from people got in the way. I did my best for him to listen to me. He ignored me and would not even look my way. We live around the corner from each other. After 9 years being together I find it hard to believe he just stop loving me.
    Sorry, for asking. You mean I should talk her about my feelings, or just what and why that happened?
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    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,667, Reputation: 1706
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    #66

    Jun 23, 2007, 04:30 AM
    Okay this is now considered a farce.

    You have another thread on the go and you did not learn or accept any of the advice there?

    Here is the thread. Anybody else that wants to look at it, make sure you do before reading and answering this post.

    Joe

    http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...tml#post436234
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #67

    Jun 24, 2007, 06:37 AM


    Leave this female alone and get a life.
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    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
    Ultra Member
     
    #68

    Jul 5, 2007, 07:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
    Okay this is now considered a farce.

    You have another thread on the go and you did not learn or except any of the advice there?

    Here is the thread. Anybody else that wants to look at it, make sure you do before reading and answering this post.

    Joe

    http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...tml#post436234

    Damn it! I just spent like 30 minutes answering another one his posts. I hate it when I waste my time when I could be answering real questions.
    Helpful
    namirshah's Avatar
    namirshah Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #69

    Mar 31, 2009, 05:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs View Post
    You could just set a time in your head that you are willing to wait, then if you havent heard from her in that time, write the letter but make it the final one. tell her you appreciate the fact she has needed time to think, but you need some answers, if she isnt willing to respond then i would move on, as after that time it would be obvious she doesnt want to be with you anymore, and she is not willing to give you the answers you need.
    Hi "Mrs" & Neo-Junior: I've been reading posts from this thread article and was attracted by the issues. Well, quoting to what Mrs said, she's right although they are some disagreements from others. Although 2-years might be short, a lot of memories should have occurred whether happy or sad and its not easy for Neo to let go and forget since he didn't cheat nor make those mistakes just to hurt her feelings on purpose by doing what he did. As some mentioned in other threads, it's a normal reaction for Neo to make his partner feel guilty and feel what he felt whether sick or not. But this shows immaturity if he knows this fact / mistake and still pressures her partner to take him back as love can't be forced upon. As told by "Mrs", it is the right thing to do to give time but trust her again as well and only then to write the last letter / note after he can't wait anymore and it is up to Neo and Neo alone on how long that will be. The wait can be painful as the thought of being together or not being together after the wait which makes a day too long for Neo as I am in that situation. As for trusting issues, it is, in my opinion, up to the partner to prove it later which will take lots of patience as every doings come with expectations which of course Neo will have to give in first as a gentleman if he really wants things to workout again although it might not be the same. If you truly love a person, you can just be happy as long the person is with you whether the person loves u back or not. Love is weird and poison at the same time. Although not being with the person you love, God has plan for all of us and leave the rest to fate as you will be together someday if its meant to be.
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    namirshah's Avatar
    namirshah Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #70

    Mar 31, 2009, 05:59 AM

    After 2 years, I wonder what progressed and happen to Neo-junior. Hope he could write again and tell the story
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