i have been with my bf for a year and a half and we have had our ups and downs. iv been unhappy recently because iv noticed he doesnt make as much effort as he used to. he doesnt call anymore or email or anything else other than texting. all he does is text me a few times a day which is fine, but i would like other ways of contacting too and iv made the effort to do this but he hasnt. he also hardly suggests going places so i feel like i always have to suggest places to go out.
so recently iv cried in front of him and told him how i feel and that i want him to make more effort for me, in terms of what iv said above. he hugged me and said he would and said hes looking forward to making me smile etc. and this made me happy because i knew he wanted to make the effort.
however, a few days went on and he still hadnt so i just mentioned it to him jokedly but he got touchy about it and said "it'll happen when it happens". this upset me because its not as if i was asking for anything big. i just want to see him make more effort.
later on that day he told me somemore things that REALLY upset me and has made me even more miserable the past week since he told me. he began crying and said he doesnt feel as keen to make me happy as he used to because of how i used to treat him. (this was last year where i just didnt make as much effort for him and wasnt there for him) but i told him that was different and i apologised and iv changed, im not like that anymore cos i love him so much more than i used to, and that he shouldnt hold a grudge for something that was last year, but he said he always hold grudges against me... isnt that very conditional? he said he doesnt feel like he wants to make the effort for me and he hardly wants to go places with me because the places i suggest are apparently places
I want to go to and not where he wants to go. i honestly never thought about it that way, i suggested places for US. iv always asked not demanded that we go somewhere and hes happily agreed. he doesnt tell me if he doesnt wanna go somewhere. i dont feel that everywhere i wanna go is for myself, recently i suggested we go golf cos i know he likes golf, eventhough im not that keen on it but i just like spending time with him. then after we spoke about it i said i love him and he said he loves me too and i asked jokedly "how much?
" (which he usually responds to as soo much), but this time it was "i dont know" and i was shocked. he said he doesnt know how much he loves me. then we carried on talking about the effort thing and sorted it out more (more for him not for me), and i asked him why he said he doesnt know how much he loves me, and he said hes sorry he just said it cos he was upset and he does love me a lot and he hugged and kissed me.
so anyway, the next morning i briefly mentioned it and said he shouldnt say stuff like that to upset me, (cos hes done it before, hes told me he doesnt love me anymore and broke up with me then a few days later told me he still loves me so much and hes been so stupid etc, then we got back together. then another time hes said im boring because all we do is sit at home so i said ok we both should suggest more places to go, and iv been doing that recently but now hes complaining about that! saying i only suggest places i wanna go). but then he texted "i do love you differently now from how i used to" and i rang him in tears asking what he means and he said he loves me less now because i seem like a different person. he said its perfect when were together, but when were apart i always seem like an unhappy person in general whenever he talks to me. he also said im judgemental about people :S i mean yeah, everyones a little judgemental but im not THAT judgemental. i told him this and i said hes also judgemental about people and he made some excuse like "i feel like i have to be judgemental around you cos i think its common ground"... what? he also said i act like my friends sometimes when im around him and it annoys him but i honestly dont think i do. maybe sometimes i would say some things that they would jokedly say, but he doesnt like it cos he doesnt like my friends. i then told him ide try not to do this anymore if it annoys him then and about the unhappy thing, i said i would tell him more when i am in a good mood and i have been doing that a lot recently. he agreed and told me that when hes unhappy he cheers himself up and just gets over it, but with me i prefer to talk to people about it (and i admit, recently its been quite a bit cos of him not making as much effort). i asked him if he would grow to love me more again if i did all this, and he said he hopes so and he would prefer it to happen than to break up.
im still really upset about it all. i just look back to how he used to be and i end up crying because i miss the old him. when were together its absolutely fine, its perfect. its just when were apart and obviously we cant be together all the time. i just want to feel like he cares when were apart. i feel like he only loves me if i do everything right for him, and for me its completely opposite for him. i just love him so much. what do you think i should do? should i wait and see if theres an improvement? see if he'll gradually love me more again and start making more effort like he used to if i change myself a little? or should i give up? iv been thinkin about the option of breakin up with him but i dont know how i would cope. i want to see if he will change too if i make small changes but i dont know. what do you think i should do?
please help. thank you, i appreciate everyones opinions.
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