Hi everyone,

im new here and really just looking for thoughts from people that do not know me..

a few months ago me and my fiance of 3 years split up for 2 weeks over something silly
i cant remember what it was now.. but it was silly...

i ignored her for a week no text returns or anything, within this week she was
me all the time professing love and that im being silly.. i didnt at the time
but i guess i do now...

within this 1st week she started to see one of her work colleagues which really hurt me
that she could do this so soon, she was seeing him for a a few days before i found out,
when i found out i phoned her right away and asked what she was playing at, she said its nothing serious yet and she just having some fun and he listens to her talking about me..
her was a shoulder to cry on ect... that night she phoned me and said are we going to get back together i said maybe.. but the next day we did..

i asked her many times if she had done anything sexual with this other guy
she said no many times.. she said he came to her house a few times and they watched
dvd's and chatted but he never ever stayed there the night...

we had split before for a day or 2 but they not really splits
they are more of a cool down period we always get back together...

i did not live with her.. so when i left it wasnt like we split i just left and went home for a few days we are always in contact

the other night we had a really good night out and were both a little drunk...
she said its time for her to be honest and she told me that
infact she did have sex with this other guy..
well she said one night she was really upset and he was there talking to her
converting her and he invited her back to his house...
they ended up in bed together...

umm i asked her to tell me what she did.... which she has done..
she said that after about 1 minute of having sex with him she said stop
and that she got up got dressed and went home..
she said she felt very guilty at the time of doing it and was thinking how hurt i would be
thats why she stopped it..

she didnt tell me this for 7 months she has made me be nice to this other guy
when we see him out, talk to him and all his friends and hers...
i feel so betrayed by her actions and lies...
i couldnt ever do this to her no matter what she did to me... im not like that

i have since had her back (5 days now) we made plans for family marriage
we just got a new house which we move into soon together.. that was before she told me
i know she had to tell me... but why would she do it in first place if she really loved me

ive asked her this and she said its the worst mistake she has ever made and she will
do anything to make it upto me and make our relationship work

am i silly for having this girl back do you think i will ever trust her again
will she cheat on me again, how do i erase the images of her and him out of my head
the anger seems to subsiding for me now but i still feel very hurt,

i love her with all my heart and just cant understand why she would do this.

LetMeSee

if she contacts me i am going to answer her..
i asked her to get rid of that other number
because the other guys number was in there
and all his bloody mates numbers...

wouldnt you ask the same thing
if your partner did what she did and you tried to make a go of it..
would you not have certain things you would want to happen
before you even step foot back in her life..

at the time it made me feel a little more secure in making the choice i did
i have been leaving her ALONE, SHE texts me daily!

she can have that old number now for all i care...
i said its gotten on my nerves because she lied about getting rid of it!

chuff

LMS,

This girl is playing with your emotions. She's playing a game with you and I think your so far in love that you can not see that. I'm sorry but she doesn't love you like you love her and I don't care what she says. It's obvious. She texts you left and right when you don't answer, but when you do, and she doesn't answer you keep going in further and further. Women read this way better then men do. She knows that when you text her back and then continue doing it, and then calling she's laid her trap and you've fallen in. She also knows from previous experience that you can't go to long without her. You've taught her she can play these games and eventually you will come back and so she just does the same thing over and over. I'm sorry and I know you hate hearing this but if you want to heal this emotional wound you can't keep picking at by being in contact with her. Take this very example, you were doing okay and then this happened and you've fallen back not progressed forward. I will repeat this again,

DO NOT CONTACT THIS WOMAN! SHE DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU, THAT YOU DO ABOUT HER!

Chery

Normally, it's OK to rant and rave and let it all out - it helps the healing process. But, I noticed that you wrote your long 'rant' early in the morning (probably after a Friday night out drinking).

This is nothing new. It will take time to heal and go through all the phases, so we will continue to encourage you to NOT contact her again.

As Chuff said, she is playing with your emotions - but the fact is that YOU are letting her do this. You are letting your pain get the better of you and using it as an excuse to do some dumb things now. Just be careful that you don't go too far.

Forget about that darned phone chip, or the numbers, or her lies and guys, it's OVER! Why do you insist on dwelling on these things that will hurt you. Start taking control of you life and stop letting her do it long-distance.

Rejection hurts like heck, but we've all been through it and learned to survive - some of us more than once. We get stronger and wiser every time and grow with experience.

Now, go and drink some coffee or get some well needed rest and when you wake up, start your new day with new thoughts and make some plans for your future. Get rid of everything she left behind and don't worry about trying to get them to her - just trash them. And trash one memory of her each day and stick to that plan until they are moved to the vault in your mind that is filed under 'mistakes'. They should only be pulled out of this file when you find yourself starting to make the same mistakes again in the future. That's how we cope with the damage we let others do to us.

It's not all her doing, you let her do it, so get angry at yourself and tell yourself to take better control from now on.

Again, read the first stickies in this Relationships Section and you'll find that you are not alone and that you can work things out to your benefit - make that choice to gain control and self-respect.

Please don't waste any more time feeling sorry for yourself - it only prolongs the pain. Instead, spend that time doing fun things, good food, good music, good books and good friends..

Good luck and stay with us.

Tune into a Comedy channel on TV and let yourself laugh a little.

LetMeSee

nah i wasnt drunk i didnt go out.. i just couldnt sleep :/

makes sense to do what you say..
ive played this game for to long
its obvious she doesnt love me like i love her..
i shall delete her number throw her photo's n shi* in the bin
and just wash my hands with her..
i realise none of it matters now.. and i have to just let go of it all
easier said than done though but ill endevour to try my best
i guess the only person that can do this is me..
i do however get confort from reading these posts
so thank you to everyone...

Chery

That's what we are here for. Sometimes we seem harsh, but we don't judge, hold personal grudges, or gain anything by encouraging you to open your eyes to things you'd rather not deal with right now.

We will be here for you, and help you in your journey to getting to know yourself better and regaining your freedom to cope with your future better.

As I've said before, most of us have 'been there, done that' so you are in the right place for getting help.

Homegirl 50

I am not going to stay with someone if I have to tell them who they can and can't talk to. To tell someone you are not even married to " I Dont want you talking to the friends of this person" is ridiculous. You either trust them or you don't, and if you don't, leave them.
Tell her to stop texting you and be done with it, or block her number from your phone or don't respond. She will get the message.

buckthis86

Bub, I'm in the same situation as you. Been best friends with this girl for 2 years, dated for a year, and then when I broke up with her for 6 weeks, found out she was fooling around (Though I don't think she had sex with, but who knows) a guy I know who was a complete a$$ and user. It happened 2 months ago and I'm still struggling every morning to deal with it. My girlfriend is in another city in the summers because we go to college, so I haven't really seen her in those 2 months and it's driving me crazy. Every morning I wake up and think about her and him together, and it's the most painful thing in the world. At the same time, she's told me numerous times it was a mistake and she told me right after I found out that it was only because she wanted and missed me and was looking for someone to fill that gap... I made a mistake too during that break that was just as bad, and I know that during a break-up everyone's desperate and lonely and looking to fill gaps. Does that make it right? Hell no. But I guess I've come to tell myself she's worth that pain, because there's no one I'd rather be with, and in time it'll trickle out of my head. Hopefully anyway.