Hi everyone,

im new here and really just looking for thoughts from people that do not know me..

a few months ago me and my fiance of 3 years split up for 2 weeks over something silly
i cant remember what it was now.. but it was silly...

i ignored her for a week no text returns or anything, within this week she was
me all the time professing love and that im being silly.. i didnt at the time
but i guess i do now...

within this 1st week she started to see one of her work colleagues which really hurt me
that she could do this so soon, she was seeing him for a a few days before i found out,
when i found out i phoned her right away and asked what she was playing at, she said its nothing serious yet and she just having some fun and he listens to her talking about me..
her was a shoulder to cry on ect... that night she phoned me and said are we going to get back together i said maybe.. but the next day we did..

i asked her many times if she had done anything sexual with this other guy
she said no many times.. she said he came to her house a few times and they watched
dvd's and chatted but he never ever stayed there the night...

we had split before for a day or 2 but they not really splits
they are more of a cool down period we always get back together...

i did not live with her.. so when i left it wasnt like we split i just left and went home for a few days we are always in contact

the other night we had a really good night out and were both a little drunk...
she said its time for her to be honest and she told me that
infact she did have sex with this other guy..
well she said one night she was really upset and he was there talking to her
converting her and he invited her back to his house...
they ended up in bed together...

umm i asked her to tell me what she did.... which she has done..
she said that after about 1 minute of having sex with him she said stop
and that she got up got dressed and went home..
she said she felt very guilty at the time of doing it and was thinking how hurt i would be
thats why she stopped it..

she didnt tell me this for 7 months she has made me be nice to this other guy
when we see him out, talk to him and all his friends and hers...
i feel so betrayed by her actions and lies...
i couldnt ever do this to her no matter what she did to me... im not like that

i have since had her back (5 days now) we made plans for family marriage
we just got a new house which we move into soon together.. that was before she told me
i know she had to tell me... but why would she do it in first place if she really loved me

ive asked her this and she said its the worst mistake she has ever made and she will
do anything to make it upto me and make our relationship work

am i silly for having this girl back do you think i will ever trust her again
will she cheat on me again, how do i erase the images of her and him out of my head
the anger seems to subsiding for me now but i still feel very hurt,

i love her with all my heart and just cant understand why she would do this.

Romefalls19

Nickshehe, probably because she has continued to do it more than just once, she has already shown she has the history of being a liar.

Things won't turn out different, you have shown you will be right there waiting like a dog for a bone. You two broke up, she went out with this guy, who she conviently realized she had feelings for(cough bull cough) and let him inside her thighs. So if you can take comfort in knowing that, and that I would put money on the fact it wasn't a one time thing, more power to you. I can't speak for everyone, but trash day around my neighborhood is Friday and she would be out on that curb. Maybe you got your days confused and put her out on recycling day?

talaniman

Lying and cheating are two of those things, that makes you think long and hard about moving into a new house with.

talaniman

Yeah right! Once trust is lost it takes a lot of time, and actions on her part, to get it back, if ever. I hope she is worth what she put you thru.

LetMeSee

Hi,

Im really amazed at this forum,

Everyone seems to be a hater, where is the understanding and conversation
that doesnt involve flaming someone or being a hater...

i was looking for some understanding and conversation with
people who understand my predicament not what has been posted here so far..

all ive gotten so far is bs and flames from everyone...

i wanted to sort through my own shi* whatever decission i have made..

i originally posted here to sort my own head out but every time i look here
all it seems to do is get me more angry that people take a one sided view
of things that happen to real people on a more serious note.

what a sad world we would all live in if we all took the advice that has been given so far..
open your eyes and take a good look at yourselves if you think all this was good advice.
seems like a lot of anger comes out in these posts, maybe some of you are still hurting from something that happened to you.. if thats the case you shouldnt stereotype everyone.
we are not all the same and not everyones head works the same.

the only one i can relate to right now is cookie monster who remained impartial and tbh
said all i needed to hear so thank you for that hun.

for the record and no im not making excuses for her..
ill tell you why she told me.. just to stop all the shi*

we went out for a meal and a drink to celebrate
gettting our first house 2gether, not only did we get a new house
we dropped our current jobs, false friends and phone numbers to start
100% a fresh we started talking about things we wish we could change
and truths about what could make our relationship better as you do
yes we talk, we talk all the time.. this is why she told me..
so we could get away and start a fresh with no secrets and nothing
hanging over us.. i always suspected she had done something with this other guy
but had no proof 100% now i do and were trying to move on from it, this doesnt make me weak or any less of a man, infact i think it mkaes me more of a man for trying to sort things out like an adult and not taking the hater path.

i wanted positive thoughts from like minded people, people that have been through what im going through not all this bs about she a cheat, she a lier, get rid of her, she been doing it all along ect

positive thoughs to help me get through it!

Romefalls19

You can take our advice however you want LMS. I guess I can be classified as a "hater" but I at least recognize truth and a liar when I see one. I hope she is true in what she tells you and not have to see you around here anymore(not to sound mean) but I just get this feeling we will see you on the forum again with a similar post.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope everything turns out ok

spion_kop

LMS: i think the reason why people are saying to get rid of her etc is not because they are a hater. But if you take a step back to analyze it, if this situation could happen once, it could def. happen again. That doesnt mean that IT WILL happen again. But if you guys are engaged to get married and this happened now, there is apossiblity that it could happen in the future.

Now, if you want to take her back and solve your problems, that is good on you. I think the main point you have to understand is that, you have to use your head to deal with this situation and not your heart. You're heart will always want your fiancee back but you have to be logical and do what is right for you, the both of you and for her. You have to match these three categories to solve the problem.

Homegirl 50

This disturbs me. You wanted to give her a chance what does that mean?
She is not someone you would usually have a relationship with but she grew on you, maybe this attitude is what lead to her wanting to leave you.
But to answer your question, if you can forgive her, take her back. But if you are going to rehash and throw it in her face leave her alone.

talaniman

Didn't like the comments huh! From what you posted, those are the answers you got. If she didn't cheat and lie, why did you say she did. We can only go by the picture you painted. For the record, nobody flamed you, nor hated on you, it was her we are warning you about. Take it for what its worth, the opinion of outsiders, commenting on what you have presented.
We do understand, its you who ignore what you don't want to hear. Not being mean, but if someone told you what you told us, what would your response be? Forgive and move in together? I honestly hope your right, and we are wrong.

LetMeSee

Hi,


it means she wasnt my usual type that i would go out/date with..


you are kind of correct, she always said that i never shown her enough emotions
up until recently i would agree... things changed for me in the last few months
when i analyzed what i wanted, once i relaised it was her things got alot better between us.
We have become much closer as a couple these past few months, dont take that as being bad the rest of the time because it wasnt.. its hard to explain but i guess we become alot more open to each others feelings and we started doing more things together..

and just to answer the marrage questions..
the marrage is off until further notice.. we have both agreed this.


Agreed!



errr ok what does a liar look like? dont say my fiance.


i hope she is telling the truth also, i hope everything turns out alright also thank you.
ill will probably post on a few threads so you will mos certainly see me on here again
im sure i have some good advice to offer some people..

LetMeSee

i am listening ive already given my answer to this..

if someone told me what i have told you..
id try and get more information about how this person was actually feeling
about the situation and evaluate from there id focus on the person telling me this initially and not what the other person had done..

no i wouldnt tell them to forgive and move in lol that would be stupid and that wasnt the answer i was looking for that would be stupid also.. im not a fool ya know.. im an educated person looking for answers i guess we all are here..

umm this has never happened to me before.. so ive never had to deal with it personally
i guess all throughout my life ive been lucky or maybe unlucky not to have had to deal with all these problems... relationship problems.. all previous relationships ended on good notes and im friends still with alot of ex's come to think of it my life has been very easy.
with this exception nice things happen to nice people.

ive no idea if that is a good thing or a bad thing, i guess its good in most respects
but bad in others because this hit me hard so i guess even worst things would hit me harder.. im a happy person though so i bounce back fast and can control my emotions
pretty well, this was a stumbling block for me but its not the end of the world..
its been a week or so now and im returning to normal thinking i even popped a smile today