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My girlfriend ended a 11 year relationship, almost 8 months ago, and since I have gone through hell as I loved her deeply from my heart. I have seen quite a few psycho trappist & psychiatrist since then and they have prescribed me so many different antidepressant but none have helped me to this point to come off my severe depression. I am taking 4-6, 5mg diazepam every day to lessen my sadness but even those tablets are not working as they should anymore!
I have maintained NC through all 8 months but now I can not bear it inside me any more as I miss her so much and dreaming about her almost every night and tears running down my eyes every morning before I go to work.
Please help me how to deal with my emotions and how to forget sadness her
p.s. I have been dating and had sexual with quite a few girls since but every time I do this I feel so guilty inside me and getting even more depressed .
Should I approach her for another chance to build a new relationship? because I have realized that I have always loved her and still love her.....
I feel for you. This sounds like a difficult situation you are going through, and eleven years is a very long time. As for advice, i think you as an individual need to find a way to cope with this and manage it. I would strongly advise against anti-depressants for this reason.
I dont want to be the one to give you advise about if you should approach her or not, but i do think, as hard as this may be to take, that if she has not contacted you in eight months then it is probably over for good. Even if you started seeing her again, it would be a one sided relationship surely, which is not sustainable in the long term.
As for future girlfriends, try not to compare them to your ex or even think about her. Everyone you date will be unique and special in a way so just relax and take things as they come. The key problem here is that because you miss your ex, you tend to put her on a pedestal, only thinking about the good times, her qualities, and the positive parts of the relationship. The reality is different however, and each girl is special in their own way. Try to let yourself get involved with a girl, and great things may happen.
I forgot to mention that, she is calling me every two weeks or so to see how I am keeping and she sends me some heart worming emails despite I have been asking her firmly to not contacting me in any situations but she's just ignoring it. I tried to approach her in the beginning of our broke up but she did not wanted to have a relationship with me anymore . However, her recent emails are more heart warming and she's mentioning that she would never forget me and I am her precious diamond, etc... and she wants me to forgive her for all troubles, she has caused me through these 8 months.
On the other side I do not know if she just wants to be my friend or she wants me back too as I do not want to take the step again and be rejected again.
If you see an email from her, don't open it. If she calls, don't answer. This break-up have damage you alot and having a toll with your mental health. If it keeps up, you can start getting sick. Besides the being put on medicine, are the theraphy sessions helping at all? I don't think so. You need to try another oultlet and heal yourself. Just because your ex is contacting you it doesn't mean she wants you back. I think you need to join a support group, it might help better.
Lets put this in perspective, you simply have not had a chance to heal. After all that history, you have a lot of healing to do, and haven't given yourself a fair chance to do it. Neither of you have let go of the other.
Your solution is to stop talking to her, and stop taking her calls, and read the four stickies, for rebuilding your life, without her in it. Every email, or text, or phone calls, are only feeding you false hope, and distract you from doing what is necessary for you to heal, and accept that she is no longer part of your life.
The stickies will provide you with some insights, and suggestions, to help you move on, and learn to love yourself for who you are, but first you must find, and define yourself again. READ THEM, and ask any questions that you have.
Thank you all for your advices... I was badly drunk on Saturday after a night out with my old uni friends. I got home by 5am and decided to send a txt message to my ex to say that I still LOVED her (tears were running down from my eyes)..... but what a mistake.....! she txted me back saying that she has moved on and I need to move on as well and I will find someone I love very soon...
I woke up quite late the next day and I send her another txt apologizing for my unappropriate txt messages as I was drunk and asked her to ignore/delete them as I have done the same.
I am hating myself of being like this, a weak person and not being able to pull through this all by myself, finally today I have seriously decide to do exactly as Liz & Talman advised and just forget about her and move on.... Please wish me luck to be strong enough to pull through this by myself without taking any anti-depressant or seeing any psychiatrist....
Please wish me luck to be strong enough to pull through this by myself without taking any anti-depressant or seeing any psychiatrist....
Give yourself a break, recovering from the death of an 11 year relationship, is monumental in itself. The mourning and grieving process has hardly started, mainly because of the contact you still maintain. When that is dealt with, ( by going strictly NC!!!!!!) THE HEALING CAN START FOR REAL!!!!! You can't be friends now, and ignoring her is the start of moving on, whether she agrees or likes it. Not her concern anymore, is it????
Its not about being strong, its more about learning to love yourself, and being good to yourself, and being VERY proactive in treating yourself well!
Starting over is hard, have you really cleaned house, not just mentally but actually, gone though and taken everything that reminds you of her out of the house,
In fact sometimes I know people that finally have to move to a new house, even a new town to get a new start to finally get over it.
Also I could preach all day on drinking while on mental health medication. And drinking alone helps lead into depression
Also, I suggest you take her number out of your phone..(I know you probably have it memorized but it's still good to get it out)
i also suggest that you change your phone number so she stops calling you.. also change your email.. don't go to the old email.. even have a friend change the password for you so you don't ever go to it again..
this event is life changing.. you have the choice to make it a positive change, better yourself and get out in the world and find someone worth your time and love
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