My girlfriend ended a 11 year relationship, almost 8 months ago, and since I have gone through hell as I loved her deeply from my heart. I have seen quite a few psycho trappist & psychiatrist since then and they have prescribed me so many different antidepressant but none have helped me to this point to come off my severe depression. I am taking 4-6, 5mg diazepam every day to lessen my sadness but even those tablets are not working as they should anymore!
I have maintained NC through all 8 months but now I can not bear it inside me any more as I miss her so much and dreaming about her almost every night and tears running down my eyes every morning before I go to work.
Please help me how to deal with my emotions and how to forget sadness her
p.s. I have been dating and had sexual with quite a few girls since but every time I do this I feel so guilty inside me and getting even more depressed .
Should I approach her for another chance to build a new relationship? because I have realized that I have always loved her and still love her.....
Thanks once more for the advices. I have maintained NC for months sometimes in these nearly 9 months now but even maintaining absolutely NC, I still was dreaming about her every night and waking up with tears running down my eyes. I think, I am truly in love with this girl because she is very special for me...
I have been so depressed for the past 8 months, I have even tried twice to take a mixture of sleeping tablets with alcohol to just get into deep sleep and not come back to the reality of my life again.
Please, help me to completely forget about this girl and not to dream about her every night.
p.s. I have done almost all the points on the stickies on this topic, and even seeing psychoterapist & psychiatrist once a week for the past 8 months but to no avail .
I am open to any suggestions to feel normal again.... advice...
I know this may be extreme but maybe take a drastic step and move to a whole different new place and start fresh. I know it is unrealistic and she will still be for a while in your mind but being somewhere new without antything to relate to her could help you.
You coming here and venting here is also therapeutic and will help, and you should as often as you feel like it but above all now stay away from her.
Why havent you been able to maintain NC for the whole 9 months? Have you been breaking NC and contacting her or has she been contacting you on her own initiative?
For your own good I suggest you set a target that you will never break NC again until you stop feeling the way you do. Possibly start keeping a diary and write down your dreams and your thoughts. Then whenever you feel like breaking contact go back and read the first pages of the diary to remind you why you shouldnt.
I mean 11 years is a very long time and you will need more than a few months to get over this. Also can I suggest you stay off the alcohol for quite some time, and possibly start a sports activity. You really should start taking better care of yourself. This has become a vicious cycle because you are harming yourself and she knows that and in order to ease her guilt contacts you. You need to escape this loop. I understand she is very special to you and and that is why although you have been dating you still feel like this.
I cant say I am in exactly the same situation because in my case it was only 3 years. She left me for someone else. 2 months later I still dream about her. At first the dreams were really disturbing and I would wake up in the middle of the night and could not go back to sleep. With time the dreams have become milder but still very real. I recently dreamt that I woke up from a nightmare to see she was sleeping next to me and felt so safe, but then woke up for real to find out she wasnt really. The weird part was that it didnt hurt as much as the first weeks so I can only say that if you hang in there and persist long enough it will get better.
Another thing is do you have friends or family around you that really care for you and can give you the support you need at this time? Would moving away for a while be an option for you? Getting a new fresh start?
There are loads of people here that will give you some good advice but at the end of the day you are the one that needs to make these changes happen. You do have the strength to face this and we are here to remind you whenever you start doubting yourself again.
Expect to dream of her and feel empty, as 11 years is a long time to be with someone, and the healing process is even harder. Stop drinking for a while and put some new people, and activities in your life. You more than ever must be proactive at this time with your healing, as it will be a while until you can move on. Stay with it, and find things that makes you feel good about yourself. Volunteering, is at the top of my list.
I have really decided to listen to you all guys this time to give time to myself for healing from all those 11 years. I will try to keep my head cool and occupy myself with different hobbies to forget about her hopefully some time soon.
My only problem is now that I have got really addicted to diazepam after taking a daily dosage of 30-40 mg for the past 8 months and I would not be able to go to work without taking a few first in the morning after waking up.
Do you think I should be getting help from my GP to stop taking these tablets? or just continue to take it until I feel slightly better in a few more months time, then stop it.
I really appreciate all your help by giving advice to confused people like me...
If I am not mistaken in these cases you cannot just stop taking the medication, you can only phase it out. But I have no personal experience of this and if you are interested in stopping I would definitely recommend talking to a professional, the GP would probably be the best place to start. Dont take any action by yourself because you might end up causing more harm without knowing it. Its good to hear you are determined to take control of your life again.
Apple, horrible advice. You are no where near stage one! You have come a lot farther than you, yourself thought was possible! Keep your head up, it was an 11 year relationship that was severed. NO ONE is going to blame you for being really heartbroken and your mental health suffering. What we do like is how you are taking notice and getting the proper help for it!
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