Seeing your ex with their new partner OUCH

I've been there. I saw my ex with new guys, and it felt exactly the way you described it. It hurts, but it also helped me in a way to move on. It was kick by reality.

Someone shared this with me before.
"If you see your ex with someone, it has no bearing on your character or worth. It just shows how weak that other person is."
The feelings you have are normal, and the good thing is that you will hurt less and less. You're a much stronger person than he is. You can focus your energy on new hobbies, hit the gym, volunteer, etc. There's a list on this forum on what to do after a break up. Its helpful. Everyone has his or her own way of coping.

From the sounds of things, you might be in college? If so, you're young and think about how you would feel 5 or even a year from now. You're going to look back laugh, and ask yourself, why were you so wrapped up in him.

Stay strong. You are not the only person to feel the way you do, that feeling doesn't stay around for long. Things will get better. You will be surprised to see your inner strength.

Been there before. For me, I just took my feelings off of my sleeve and kept it pushing. Now, this may not work for you. You may have to just think about the fact that he must not be the person for you. My father once told me that if you love something to let it go and if it comes back then it was meant for you two to be together. I know that it is hard for you, but maybe you should take some of the energy that you are putting into him and his new mate into something else. Write in a journal to keep your feelings in check. Quit trying so hard to forget him and move on because it will only make you miss him more. In time, you won't feel like you are sick and about to die.

I have been there too (more than once) and it SUCKS doesn't it? Try and surround yourself with friends that support you and bring you up. When you see your ex or his new g/f, bite your lip no matter how hard it is, and smile like you didn't even notice them, and try to make it seem like you're having the time of your life. I'm sure your friends all know how hurt you are, so have some kind of a "code word" that you say to each other that makes you laugh like crazy to show them you are happy and having a good time. Don't ever let them "see you sweat". It will confuse them to see you happy!

And then when you have an "out" sneak away and scream like hell and try and remember things that really bugged you about him. Write some letters telling him what a jerk he is...write some to the new g/f about the things about her that you can't stand. (DONT SEND THEM)

Don't confront him, (or her) it will only give him the upper-hand...which he doesn't deserve because he didn't tell you the truth. When a man tells you he just "needs his space" or "needs time alone to think", he is usually working on his next in line. Take a little peace in knowing that he will probably end up saying the same thing to the new g/f too, ...and keep on reminding yourself that you WILL find someone that says...I NEED SOME TIME ALONE...WITH YOU!

I know it's a really hard thing to go through and feel like it's getting thrown in your face, but the more confident you look, the more he will see what a mistake he made, and if he happens to come back around?...tell him "you need some time alone!", and you'll get back to him on that.

Good luck and don't worry...it does get easier, and in awhile you will really wonder what the heck you saw in him in the first place

WOW! This brings back a lot for me! Honestly, the best thing you can do is just let it go. The WORST feeling in the wirld is hating someone that you used to love.....I can TOTALLY relate. Your confidence won't get back to normal until you are just able to forgive him, and I know that sounds stupid.....but ot's true!

I don't think anything compares to the hatred you can have for someone you used to love, but that's life I guess. A lot of people dwell on these feelings inb order to help them get through the hard times that follow a tuff break-up, but a lot or time is just makes things worse.

Nothing anyone (including him) can say will make things "ok", so don't try and rationalize his actions. Let go, and focus on you for a change.

Had that one on saw him out of the blue in the shopping centre it hurt with new partner. But he looked happy and if you love someone isn't it better to see them happy then miserable.

From the sounds of things, you might be in college? If so, you're young and think about how you would feel 5 or even a year from now. You're going to look back laugh, and ask yourself, why were you so wrapped up in him.

We're in graduate school, in our late twenties so time feels like it's running out and I'll look back at this when I'm in my thirties! In any case, thank you for your kind words. If I read them 20 times a day I should be alright

The situation is quite possibly the worst situation that can happen post breakup, save being cheated on.

One of my ex's showed up at a hang-out of mine on Valentines Day, not this past one mind you but still. It stung, worse still she did it on purpose.

With that being said I must respectfully disagree with the poster that wrote that the other half is weak. Seems to me a lot of threads lately like to depict the ex as a weak, selfish, un-caring, ogre of a person. I think that is done to make one feel better.

If I were in a mall (a quite common place for one to go) with a girl and an ex saw me I would not think I'm doing anything wrong, nor if the situation were reversed. Unless of course they do it on purpose, then its different.

I believe the exact quote is as follows "If you see your ex with someone, it has no bearing on your character or worth. It just shows how weak that other person is."

If it has no bearing on your character how can you say it has any bearing on theirs? I, for one, donot subscribe to villifying ex's in order for myself to feel better. After all, you did like them, many still do. Wish them the best and fix what caused these feeling in the first place, where they go, whom they date, what they say is there business, not yours (ours)

Its a general comment across the board, not aimed at one person.

[quote=BMI]The situation is quite possibly the worst situation that can happen post breakup, save being cheated on.

Oh it gets better--I WAS cheated on BY him. And then got to see him with his OTHER new girlfriend in addition to seeing pictures of the OTHER girl he screwed before and lied about. YAY!

But thank you for your words

Yea, I have to admit I have things pretty rough as I have to see my ex with her new guy at work 2-3 times a week. Then coworkers constantly asking about how I'm doing. I just don't let it show it bothers me in front of her, won't give her the satisfaction. But I should be able to quit that part time job soon