There's this girl named Sonia. Good girl. Attractive. Im 24yrs of age now but when I was 18 we were in a relationship for a while. At that time I had to break up with her because she was getting way too serious for me... she was bringing up love and marriage (we wasn't even together 6 months and she was talking like that... and honestly it turned me off.) I liked her but I didn't want to get that serious, my mind was on college and establishing myself in life first before all of that. And I told her that but she kept bringing that stuff up. So I broke up with her. This was 2003.

Not even a month after she gets back with her ex (which was abusive to her - verbally and physically) She ends up being pregnant not even two months after our break up. And at that time after we broke up we stayed friends I mind you so I saw all of this. Then they got engaged but that fell apart. We friends right so I would encourage her... you know. Sometime after that she meets different guys until she meet this one. She gets married to this guy and has a child with him. (Now she has two kids, one from the other guy, and now one from him) Their married 3yrs. During this time we lose contact. I haven't seen her or talked to her. Then someday I get a surprise from guess who HER! Her marriage isn't working out... the husband is cheating on her. She's telling me that she misses me.

So now we get back to being friends. She moves back home. They NEVER got DIVORCED. So I come around to see her kids and her periodically. Then she starts to try build a relationship with me again, but I don't want a relationship right now.

Then she starts blaming all that has happened to her on me... she wouldn't in the situation that she's in if I would have stayed in the relationship with her in the first place. She keeps bringing up the past. Its my fault why she had two kids with two dead beat fathers. She doesn't take responsibility for any of her decisions that she made.

This past weekend was her birthday weekend. And Saturday night we talking on the phone and she starts nagging me about how:


So I asked her "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME" We only friends but you blaming everything on me that has happen to you. I want me to be a father/uncle type to her kids. (which by the I came by and saw her kids often) just to be nice guy/friend. I also told her that one moment you are fine then the next moment you are complaining because I won't pursue her or DO WHAT SHE THINKS I OUGHT TO BE DOING. Then she said maybe I shouldn't come around her kids as often. And because she often acts like this I told her:


Was I wrong??

You did what you had to do. Not pleasant, but in the long run, for the best.

Now you just have to move beyond it and don't dwell on your decision.

There is no wrong or right in this situation as it is your own decision. You don't owe her anything and she doesn't owe you anything. The ending was a bit harsh, but it seems she was asking for it.
Personally I would send her an email apologizing for hanging up and explain to her that you don't want a relationship so you are going to stick to No Contact and wish her a nice life. It will be a more gracious ending.

You know I wasn't trying to hang up on her. Its just that when she realized that I was not going to backing down she starting trying to changed her original remarks... and started trying to explain herself...

Like I said... this is not the first time she has said these comments to me... it just this time I wasn't so nice and reserved about...

Your frustration is understandable and I think you are right. I would have finished the relationship a bit more gracefully though. Maybe a quick email would be just fine.
There will always be people trying to control you, it's up to us to not let them take a hold on us.

So true...