Relationships - Some Guidelines
Asked Jul 10, 2010, 09:52 AM
Here for anyone to make use of are some guidelines to relationships that are either healthy or unhealthy, and how to get the best out of them.
Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships
Read through the following if you are in a relationship with any of the traits described then its going no where, and you would be better to leave it and move on. These relationships are going to merely cause you hurt and pain.
When there is a imbalance such as one of the persons wants to control or dictate to the other.
Telling you who you can have as friends, what you can wear, where you can go, with whom, controls your finances, doesn't want to listen to anything that bothers you. Tells you to shut up, calls you unkind names or makes nasty remarks about you and your abilities.
One of the persons in the relationship does all of the giving and the other just takes, not showing consideration or thoughtfulness doesn't care about the others feelings turns up late or not at all. Flirts and makes out they're uninterested in person they're with in favour of another person, compares partner unfavourably with someone else.
Criticises, and complains makes a person feel inadequate, or not good enough, often threatens to end the relationship, unless you do as they want you to do.
Tells you they want space or a break, then changes their minds. Seems to pick you up and drop you at their leisure. Have cheated on you at least once if not more. Enjoys making you feel jealous. Often ignores your attempts at fixing problems by telling you you're imagining them. Shouts or yells at you swears and curses, Is kind one minute and cruel to you the next. Talks down to you, or condescending, invades your privacy and exploits your boundaries. Turns things around so it seems you're at fault.
Without trust there's no love, if you've been cheated on lied to or discovered your partner has been lying to you about their past or anything along these lines, then you would be better off to just forget it and find someone who will respect you and treat you better,
Good Relationships contain these;
Loyalty, Loving, Trusting, Respecting, Giving, Caring, Sharing, Wanting, Communicating, Listening, Talking, Compromise, Allowing, Nurturing, Confiding, Laughing, Happy. Honesty, Space,
How to really listen;
Decide who is going to talk first, allow that person to say everything they want to say, and once finished wait 1 minute before you respond, then say what you have to say.
No interupting the person who is talking this shows you're not listening.
Be hard to get;
Don't Run After a person once they've decided to end it with you, you lose your self respect and will end up being hurt even more. One way I found that always got attention from someone was to turn up where they would be, stay for say 30 minutes then leave. Don't Phone, Email, Text, or anything along these lines, leave all attempts at contacting them alone. If they want to get in touch with you they will, don't make it easy for them, be out or unavailable, or tell them you can't stop long you're going out. If they ask who with be evasive say oh just friends.
Never appear to be clingy or needy, its a relationship killer, even if you are desperate and needy don't let them know this, appear to be off hand or flippant. It'll get them thinking. Don't expect to know why a relationship has ended, it has and that's all there is to it. Sometimes even the person who ends the relationship won't know why its ended just that it wasn't what they wanted to be in anymore. Don't obsess over what went wrong.
Theres really no Hurry
Between 16 and 20 consider all relationships under a year as being casual, for you to learn how to conduct future relationships and as a kind of practice run for when you get into the real deal. Aim to settle down when you're over 25, live life and see the world first. There's no hurry to get into a long term commitment you've got your whole life ahead of you, there's no age limit to getting settled down.
Until you find the person who is the right one for you always keep a little bit of yourself back, if you give everything too soon there's nothing left for the other one to find out. Don't compare yourself to another you're different you're unique just be yourself and let the other person be themselves too. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you own the other person or they you, you are merely sharing a time span with them, it could be weeks months or years, but no one at anytime ever owns another person.
Never try to prove your point, or try using an argument to get one over the other person, its not a case of who is wrong or right that matters, you can agree to disagree, and put it behind you, this way its less likely to cause any real lasting damage between you both, remember we are all entitled to an opinion and if yours don't compliment each others, that doesn't mean they're not valid opinions to you as individuals. We all see the world through our own eyes. It's futile to argue over who is wrong or right. You're in a grown up relationship so act like it and leave the playground tactics to the children.
Don't stress over exs they're exs and that's that.
Be Yourself and Let the other be Him/Herself.
All you can do is work on being the best person you can be, and giving to any relationship what you want to get out of it, don't look to the other person for validation. Don't take them for granted or abuse trust be loving and considerate. Allow the other the right to be themselves, don't try to mold them into something they're not.
All being well you'll have a great time together, for as long as its mean't to last.
To Sex or not;
Don't be too eager to get into a sexual relationship. Boys will not often refuse if its handed to them on a plate, however if she had sex with you tonight who did she have sex with last night. Use protection always. Girls make them wait for it, if he says things like if you loved me you would, ignore him. He's going to try every trick in the book, hold onto your respect and values never compromise them for any boyfriend. If he truly cares he will wait until you're ready. If he doesn't he wasn't worth keeping around.
Casual sex is empty and meaningless.
Getting back together after a break Up
If you get back together, and you haven't fixed what went wrong when you broke up the first time then chances are the relationship will just go the same way again, you have to resolve your issues and deal with all and any problems fully if you've any chance of making the relationship a success whether you break up once or ten times if you don't deal with the basics of what went wrong it will just go wrong again...
The above may help you understand your relationships, I am hoping it will, although I know everyone is different. These guidelines though could mean the difference between a good time or a bad time...