I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 16 months now and things just don’t seem right anymore. We never fight because he won't talk about things, his way of settling something is to stop talking to me. This makes me upset and drives me crazy because I don't know what's going on inside his head.

When he doesn't talk to me it makes me cry, and then my family gets worried. Everyone in my family says I should break it off with him because he doesn't make me feel special anymore. It upsets me because they try and get involved in something they have no control over; they just don't understand I love him, no matter how upset he makes me I could never face losing him. I would die if anything ever happened to us.

And you see I’m scared to talk to him because I don't want him to get mad at what I’ve said and dump me, but now I’m sick of tip toeing around his feelings, because it's getting to the point where I cry constantly about the way he makes me feel.

Turasleon

It sounds to me like there may be more to the story than it seems.

Just a few questions...
1.Did he always just stop talking to you?
2.How often did you used to fight? And what about?
3.Has he always been this seclusive?
4.Has he ever made you feel special, other than the initial excitement of the relationship?
5.Why are you so scared to talk to him? He is your lover, and if bigger problems arise in the future, you need to be able to talk to him about these things. You won't be able to avoid it forever...

Sarah48375

wow, you sound young. I remember when I was young, I thought that the world was going to end if things didn't work out with my boyfriend. However, the world didn't end. You are afraid to talk to your boyfriend. That is not good.

You need to believe in yourself. You dont need a boyfriend. You should always want your significant other more than you need them.

What is the point of being in a relationship if you're not happy? When you're young, dating is about having fun. Trust me when I say there are plenty of guys out there.
I know you want him but why? Think about why you want to be with him?
If he doesn't make you happy, doesn't talk to you, What's the point?
Does the good out weigh the bad?
Do you need him?
Are you afraid you can't get someone else or better?
Is he your only friend?
Do you not want to be alone?
Did you lose your virginity to him?
Why do you have to stay with him?

These are some questions to consider..... Figure out why you would just die.

Smoked

His lack of communication (verbal) is actually very much communication. He is communicating he doesn't want to deal with what ever the issue is. You should never feel like you can not communicate to your partner. If you feel this way you might think of taking a long look at this relationship and its viability long term. Note, I didn't say cut and run. You need to voice your concerns and see what happens next. Don't be afraid for things to not turn out perfect. Learn from it, and demand that your relationship be a two way street. By the way, if you are crying and emotionally upset then obviously your emotionally hurt by his actions. If he does not have a concern about that, then why are you with him. More then that, why would you want to continue in such an unhealthy relationship? If you want it to work you need to talk. If you want to talk you need to go to him and bring up the topic. If you are thinking this is "the guy" then seek council above just speaking.

Also, consider that his lack of communication may be more complex. Guys have a hard time (in some cases) being sensitive. We truly do not think the same way that a woman does. He may need to learn the communication skills for the relationship to be a success.

plonak

This is a tough situation... Sounds to me like this guy if your first love.. and it seems unimaginable to ever be apart from him.. i know the feelings.

But communication is the number 1 most important part of a relationship. Females expecially need to communicate to feel secure with the relationship. He is not giving you what you need...

Also if you're afraid that if you talk to him he is going to dump you.. it seems like you guys have more problems than you think.

You cannot go into a relationship thinking you can change someone.. think if you marry this guy.. i heard that when you get married, everything that bothered you about the person, magnifies 100 times.. So if you're upset about this now, just think how you'll feel 5 years from now, stuck in marriage.. The sad fact is that people don't change for other people.. they need to change for themselves. and from what i gather.. i bet his parents or at least his father doesn't communicate well either

I suggest that you talk to him no matter what, don't be afriad that he will dump you.. if he does.. he doesn't deserve you.. i have a question.. when he sees you crying.. he doesn't even ask why? or seem to care?? not good

confoundedj

I think you know what you should do here. This relationship sounds very unhealthy. You are affraid that he will leave you if you speak up, but how does being with him make your life better? After being with someone for 16 months, the thought of being without them can be daunting, but it seems like you have lost yourself to this relationship. Even if you can't bring yourself to end it, you need to find yourself again, reclaim your life as an individual, know that you can make yourself happy. Also, remember that change is very hard for people. If not talking about things is how your BF has been dealing with issues in his life for a long time, then that is all he knows. Unless he really understands how hurtful this is to you and really wants to change his behavior (he'll need help with this), then you need to know that this is an issue you will be dealing with for the rest of your relationship.

Good luck, and I hope things work out for you.

larosad

1.Did he always just stop talking to you?

We used to be able to talk about everything, i've had alot of struggles with family that not alot of my friends really know about, but him being my boyfriend and being around the house alot it was hard to keep him out of that part of my life, so he knows things noone else really knows.

2.How often did you used to fight? And what about?

We don't really fight that often but the few major fights we've been in have been because he's used drugs or hung out with people and tried to hide them from me.

3.Has he always been this seclusive?

back in october we broke up because my mom tried keeping us apart because she felt he was right for me, so he and one of my former friends started dating. After realizing he loved me ha came back and around then is where i became pregnant.

4.Has he ever made you feel special, other than the initial excitement of the relationship?


i cant recall a time he's ever done really anything for me, but i mean just being around him usually was all the happiness i really needed.

5.Why are you so scared to talk to him? He is your lover, and if bigger problems arise in the future, you need to be able to talk to him about these things. You won't be able to avoid it forever...

im afraid of him leaving me, the baby, everything ive given up for him at such a young age. i love him& i continue running back to him, he insists he's in love with me all the time. But i dont know what to do. I keep thinking maybe if i give him time, try not calling him, try not texting him maybe he'll realize on his own, but im going through so much right now and alls i want is the comfort of him. i want to be with him like every second of the day. i want him to look into my eyes and tell me im beautiful, but now whenever he says it its whenever i feel incredibly ugly, or nasty, he can never say anything after ive just got done doing my make up or hair.

i just dont know what to do, im like oblivious to this whole relationship thing, he's my first real boyfriend, the first and only guy ive ever made love to. its just hard to walk out knowing im pregnant & knowing that everything ive gone through through the past year and four months was nothing.

Turasleon

Hmm. Not good.

First of all, you being pregnant, him being your first boyfriend, and having given him your virginity, make everything much, much clearer.

You became pregnant around October, so you're what, about six, seven months pregnant? And became pregnant within a year of dating him...

This isn't exactly the best of situations. If you want my honest opinion, it seems to me that you are very, very in love with this man.

Or rather, you think you are. This man has many parts of you, parts that are very important to you. He is also the first person, probably, that you've ever really loved.

It seems to me that he is really bothered by the situation. You being pregnant basically places a huge amount of stress and responsibility on him, and he may not be ready for it. At all.

Him hiding things from you isn't a good sign, either. He's hiding them because he's obviously afraid you will find out (or there will be consequences, etc.) and he doesn't seem to be willing to handle those consequences, so he'll keep hiding what he does.

As well, it seems as if you are a very emotional person, while from what you've described to me, he just isn't. Not saying he should be all over you, completely romantic and flirtatious, but by the way it sounds he is complementing you on necessity.

Honestly, I know this is going to be a very hard decision, but your best bet would probably be to walk away. As someone mentioned in an earlier post, imagine being married to this man. He seems to be a liar, and as well, a drug user (which comes package-deal with a whole slew of other problems). I assure you, you don't want that for yourself, nor for a baby. That's almost ensuring a very poisonous environment, which could very well lead to divorce...

I know you want comfort, but in this situation it seems to me you are craving comfort, and he is supposed to be the one to give it to you, but he isn't. You have these expectations in your mind as to what he is supposed to be, and assume that is the way he is, and you keep wondering why he keeps falling short, when in reality, that isn't who he was to begin with.

If he is willing to change, and perhaps if your hearts open up, and as Plonak said in a previous post...people need to change for themselves, because they won't really change for anyone else.

I'm sorry, but I really don't know what advice could be given for this situation that would be covered in roses...