I'm 25 and she is 23 (I was 23 and she was 21 when we met). About a month ago, my girlfriend left me. It happened almost overnight. We were together for two years, and had lived together for about a little over a year and we got along well, but needed to sort out our financial situation, so I moved back with the rents, and she moved with an older friend of hers about 3 1/2 hrs away, in which we both didn’t have to pay rent, and could save money. I had made this decision, so that we could both save up money, get out of the hole and then we were going to move back together. I had injured myself during the relationship and wasn't able to work and she had been helping me out for a few months. So, I didn't want her to have to do that anymore, so I made the "what i thought was mature" decision to move home so that it didn't wreck out relationship. We had no problems at all with each other, and got along extremely well, and up until two days before she ended it, she was saying how much she missed me and loved So, I wanted to visit her because we hadn't seen each other for about three weeks or so, and I wanted to drive up to see her. I basically had to make her want to have me come visit her, and therefore, I got angry, realizing I shouldn't have to make her want to have me drive all the way up to see her because I love her and miss her... so I told her, "i don't need to deal with this", and hung up the phone. We didn't talk for two days, and she didn't fell bad at all about wanting to do something else instead of wanting to see me. So, late the next day, she writes me and tells me she wants me to come visit... but it too late for me to come up there at that point. I got angry so I wrote her a message telling her it was f&*%ed up that she didn't want to see me, and that I had to practically beg to come and visit her. She didn't respond. I called numerous times, and she didn't respond. Then, the following day, she called. I asked her why she never called me and why she didn’t answer my calls, and she said because she was at work….the thing is I called her at like 2am-3am….. so eventually she admitted that she was at the bar and didn’t want to. Well, she went on to say she wanted her freedom and was sick of waiting for me to get this new job (which was our ticket to financial goodness…. I ended up GETTING the job two weeks after she ended it)……She also said that I cared too much about her and the relationship and that my emotions were a sign of weakness. I didn’t understand how two days ago, I was getting text messages about how much she loved me and how she only ever wants to be with me….. and then she ends it in one night. She said that she had spoken to her brother (who knows nothing of relationships, and is too occupied by alcohol and other things to care about someone else) that night, and that he was a big influence….so I gave up trying to save my relationship. I had asked if we were going to be friends, or keep in touch, and she said she hadn’t really thought about anything (another thing making me believe she was acting on other peoples advice, rather than her own heart and the fact that she knew I loved her unconditionally). So, I tried to contact her numerous times, but she never wrote back or returned my calls. Then, on our anniversary date I sent her a message and she wrote back and actually carried on a conversation and sent a pix message with her new haircut, and got mad when I didn’t reply to it, and wanted to know what I thought of it. Why would she care what I think? Then, the next day she wrote again….and then after that day communication diminished.

Then just recently she was back in the area where we used to live, and she was with some friends and called my best friend to see if he wanted to go the bar with her…….now, he has seen everything she did to me and he knows, better than anyone, that what she did was messed up and made no sense. And also knows that she is going out and getting drunk every night and missing work, and see other guys and so forth, and has yet to even show any gratitude towards me, and instead just tells people that I should have seen it coming. So he told her “no” and asker her why she screwed me over, and she simply said, “You didn’t see it coming?”…He replied, “No, I really didn’t” and he told her how torn up I still was over her, and she said to him “his emotions were sign of weakness” and he just told her that I loved her, that it wasn’t weakness…and she said, “Tell him to go out and get laid….I have been happy for the last month and a half…I haven’t been sober since”….. and left it at that. That night, I got a call from her phone in the middle of the night, and either her or her friend called and left the phone open on the bar so I could hear them talking to other guys….. so that hurt, and was rather messed up in my opinion. Also, wasn’t it messed up she was calling my friend to go to the bar after she screwed me over and wasn’t talking to me?

I have heard that she has already been talking to another guy... for someone that didn't want boyfriend and wanted her freedom, she moved rather quick considering it was less than a month when I heard that. Is this messed up or is it just me? And what do I take from this?

Then two days ago, at 2am….I get a message saying “Our song is on the radio. Just thought I’d say hi. Hope your new job is going well.”…I wanted to reply, but took the advice of a friend, whom said not to write back, that she was probably drunk. This is probably the case, but then again you are most honest when you are drunk supposedly. However, if this is my chance of re-establishing a line of communication, I don’t want to miss out on it. Maybe she is realizing what she threw away….. or maybe she was just drunk and making sure she still has me to fall back on….. What do you think and should I write her………or will she write again if she actually does care?. and then at that point can I respond? Or, should I just keep going about my life, and hope that she becomes attracted to how well I am doing for myself and realizes what she threw away?

Considering that our relationship was doing well, minus a few knicks here and there... what should be my mindset? I mean I live in a new area, I know NOBODY(basically because work is not really a social place... its business, business, business), and I am no longer really interested in chasing girls/ladies, especially because I just had a perfectly good relationship pulled right out from under my feet and my heart is still with her. Considering she cut off all lines of communication and living a few hours away, it seems that there isn't much of a chance of her coming back. I guess I could hope it happened like it did with my parents, considering my dad moved a few states away when he left my mom... but I don't want to give myself false hopes... but honestly, she told me I was immature for 25 since I hadn't finished college and failed the class... but she has no idea what she is doing with her life, has no education beyond high school... handled this whole situation like a... is getting drunk every night, missing work, and is already seeing someone else... I may not have been totally on my p's and q's... I admit that…but I am now… am I the immature one?

Having heard that she has already been talking to another guy/guys... for someone that didn't want boyfriend and wanted her freedom, she moved rather quick considering it was less than a month when I heard that. Is this messed up or is it just me? And what do I take from this?

I love her and if she every comes back around, I would love get back together….. but, is she worth the time that my brain spends thinking about her? What should I do?

She obviously is very confused and doesn't know what she wants and is handling it like a coward. Frankly I don't think she's worth it. You deserve better and should insist on it. I'd write this one off and move on. There's better out there so don't settle for this kind of drama.

She is acting really immature. Maybe moving to that new area and being around new people made her want to be able to just go out and party. A lot of girls around that age do that. I would also bet that she is not looking to get into another relationship but just looking to date around. So I wouldn't worry about her getting a new boyfriend.

At this point you need to block her from your life. No contact. You need to start your healing process. Try to make friends at work, maybe join some local groups or clubs. Usually something like craigslist or meetup will list activities in your area. Go out make friends and try to have fun. You are young and you shouldn't sit holed up in your house pining for some girl.

Hello.

Sorry but it doesn't look good, She might come back but she will run away when she wants to play. She is immature and at her age most likely will be that way for years to come. She wants what she wants and if that means hurting others to get it she will.

You made it through your work problems and now can stand on your own two feet and show yourself and the world how good you are. Walk tall and enjoy every day from this point on.

Find yourself and then you will find Mrs. Right. When you find her she will add to your life and make what you have even better so relax and enjoy the ride.

Dennis777

Thank you all for your advice so far. It is hard to cope with, but then again nobody likes to hear what they don't want to hear. As far as the last contact she made with me via text message, in which I didn't respond... what should I do if she contacts me again, either via text message or the odd chance that she may call me? She was never someone to be all that sentimental or show her feelings at all, so when I received the text the other day, I was shocked. But if I hear from her again, then that would have to mean something. Would it then be reasonable to communicate with her? I know I am supposed to be trying to just move on with myself, but I can't say that I am ready to convince myself, that if she came back, that I would never want to be with her again. I mean people do change, as she must have since the beginning of the relationship... but that would also mean that she could change from the end of the relationship until the next time she contacts me... I have heard that sometimes, people just need to get it out of their systems, and then they realize they gave up the most loyal love they will find. I am not saying I will wait around, in fact, I will just continue to better myself each day, but if she contacts me during that time, what should I do? Thanks again!

If she contacts you don't answer show her your not waiting on her. Your doing your own thing independent now. Girls love that. Maybe call her an hour later and say I was out missed your call don't talk too much and don't get sucked in cause that's what she willtry and do and your heat will say stay on the phone dot do it get off.

Show her your having fun and then when she goes away she will realise this and may miss you and wan to contact you more.

Don't answer kep her guessing this isn't a game and just how to keep yourself or at least pretend your OK. Don't show weaknees sow strength as hard as it may be the more your bust the more she will follow..

Good luck. Don't ANSWE your busy now. Although your probably notwe understand how you feel.

Unfortunately I don't think the feelings you had for each other was strong enough to survive the stresses you where put through after separating because of finances. That's when the beginning of the end started and you didn't work together very well after and all events that came next was just emotional fall out. You still haven't accepted this is over, and are afraid to move on but you must end the contact, and save yourself confusion, and rebuild your life without her. Don't hold out hope, that will only slow the healing process.

Seriously mate, been through similar situations to this one a couple of times, myself, it only all seems to end in pain and suffering if you hold out and keep being nice...

There are a few things to consider here though, if she doesn't have enough faith in you and your relationship in the first place to break up with you, then you actually hold up your end of the bargain and get out of the rut and get the job, then what is it worth?

Also if she's already playing around with other guys then she is either 1 the kind of gal that does this stuff deliberately (sadly many of them do) to mess with you or to the kind of gal that is confused but acts stupidly before thinking things through properly, either way all she is showing you is disrespect,

Another bit, any female that mistakes kindness and love for weakness doesn't deserve to have you in their life in ANY way at all, if I were in your shoes I would just use the one thing that will let you get on with your life, (unfortunately it will actually mess her up more than you realise but what goes around comes around)

First up change your phone number, secondly ignore EVERY and ANY advances she makes, tell your friends that as far as she is concerned you don't want to know if she contacts them and if she does to have them say something like look the guy loved you so much and all you did was burn him, laugh and then say ah cry my friend a river and get over herself then hang up, (btw if your friends are willing to say this then you have some good solid friends, mine have and would again when I had crazy gals calling them lol)

Then I would keep working the good job and saving and then move on with your life, you have better things to do than live days of our lives episodes with a stupid girl repeatedly, and there are girls out there that are highly intelligent, caring, sophisticated, communicative and respect their partners, find one like that :)

Regardless the outcome all the best!!

Oh and as for how you're feeling right now, try not to let your mind focus on it, think forwards in time, consider 'hey in a year from now am I going to even remember this girls name? " chances are the answer to that is no, I have a beautiful girlfriend/fiancee/wife depending on what you want :)

Regards

Greg.

I included my responses to this in orange.

Thanks.

I would be the one that got away If I was you. Its all very nice to hold on to hope and keep in light contact etc etc but realistically you have only one life and your be wasting your time. Go No contact and block her from your life completely. You don't need her confusion in your life.

Work on yourself and get to a place where your happy alone, this is obtainable quite easily in time. Keep busy and have things to look forward to.

So it's been about a month now since the last time that I posted on this subject. I'm took the advice that was provided here, and most of it was to go NO CONTACT and BLOCK HER FROM MY LIFE COMPLETELY... so I did just that. I have just been working my off, and have took a weekend to hang out with some friends, and actually ran in to some mutual friends that we had, which was odd, but nice at the same time. I have just been working my off at the gym as well, which is something I look forward to everyday, as it takes my mind off everything, and lets me relieve the stress that may build up during the rest of the day. I have also gotten myself back in excellent shape and that has really helped me feel good about things... so many improvements have taken place.

I won't lie though, I still think about her frequently and still in the back of my mind wish things were different. I have the attitude to just take care of myself and let everything else fall in to place, but still I think of her and feel a weakness in my heart each time. I was told by a mutual friend, that she was going out on a date with a guy that she works with... and honestly, it hurt and felt good to hear at the same time. Not quite sure why it felt good, but it did for some reason.

Still, here and there, throughout the last month, I have gotten a couple more text messages from her. I didn't reply to them, as I'm assuming that most of them were sent when she was intoxicated during the late night hours. The reason that I assume she is intoxicated is because, as I mentioned before, she has been drinking and partying every night for the last few months now. The most recent one that I received said, "What u doin?" and that was it. But oddly enough, that was all it took to put my mind in a trance. I pondered the thought if writing her back, and wonder each time, if maybe she realized that she messed up and this is her way of trying to get back in touch with me and fix things slowly. I mean, LOVE IS LOVE, and there is no feeling in the world stronger, not even hate, so it's hard not to still love her and wish that she loved me. I know that she has changed, and honestly, the drinking and the nonsense would have to tone down, but my love for her is still alive.

So, at what point do I respond to her?? If at all? I mean, if you had a second chance at something wouldn't you take it? I mean how many text messages does she have to write before I write her back? Or, do I need to wait to see a message like, "I Miss You" or, do I need to wait for a phone call before I respond? I mean I think that if she really gave a , then she would make a phone call... but honestly, she doesn't really think like that, and I'm afraid that her text messaging, is the equivalent of a phone call. To this point, I have made no contact, but I'm wondering, where is the line drawn?

Thank you for all the responses that everyone has made, and thanks in advance for the ones to come! You have all helped me get to where I am now, which is far better than the first post I made. So, Thanks!

A month, even though you can see significant changes in your life is hardly enough to be healed from a breakup. There are many here on the forum who are still healing after many months, and even a year, after their break up.
Not if it meant going through the same results as before. I think her texting has gotten you thinking of her a little more, and its natural to have questions, but stay on the path, and it will get better.

I guess I kind of wrote that the wrong way. It has been THREE months since she left me... not sure if that makes much of a difference.

But you don't know that you would get the same results... because over the time that I am learning from this situation, perhaps she is also learning as well... and maybe realizes that what she thought she wanted (the life she is living now), is not the life that she really wants... and it took her to do this, in order to find out that information. Would it then be worth it to try again?

Also, do you think that the messages are just her curiousity of what is going on with me, since I'm no longer writing her and calling her like I was for the first few weeks after she left me?

She's playing with you, once she's had her fill she will run off again to play with others. The what ifs are allways annoying, they flutter around in your mind flirting with your thoughts. Not good!

Give it many months of NC and see how you feel then! Three months won't be enough time to grow as a person unless your flighting the alien invasion...

So, just last night, I am just sitting in my room, watching TV and then I get a text message... I was going to check it in a minute, but then forgot about it and started doing something else. About an hour or so later, I remembered that someone had written me, and so I checked to see who the message was from... and of course, it was from her (the ex). However, it was a multimedia message, so it had either a picture or music or something attatched. So I opened it and it played the song "my immortal" from evanescence... after the music finished playing, I clicked over to the "text" part of the message, and it was a "forward" message... and it starts by saying, "what would you do if for every moment you were truly happy, there would be 10 moments of sadness?.......i just wanted to say, even if i never talk to you again in my life, u r special 2 me and u have made a difference in my life.......Let your friends know they mean a lot to you....Don't ever leave the one you love for the the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one you love.........tonight, your true love will realize how much they love u."... Then it says to send this message to all your friends and whatnot. NOW, I KNOW THIS IS JUST A FORWARD MESSAGE... but she didn't send it to any of our friends... and one of our mutual friends said, that she thinks that this is her starting to wake up and realize what she has done, and is starting to miss me and think about me again... My friend also told me immediately, NOT to write back to the message... that I should let my ex go through the feelings, just as she made me go through them... so I didn't write back, but I'm still puzzled as to the contents and meaning of the message, and why she only sent it to me, and not our friends?? I don't want to over-think this, but DO YOU THINK THAT SHE IS STARTING TO REALIZE SHE MADE A MISTAKE AND IS STARTING TO MISS ME? Honestly, if this was the case, it would be a huge moral victory for me in a way, as I would feel as though the NC has worked to an extent. I would like to know what people think.

Don't play her games. Why give her the satisfaction of you replying to her little game. If any thing " do not do this!!!" in two weeks time I would send her "its over" by chris doughtry.DO DO NOT DO It. Don't do it though. Ignore her NC. Im currently doing it going on about a month. I have had no response. Her and I have been off and on. She is playing with your emotions. She just wants to see if she still has you. Let her know she doesn't but not replying to you. Alsmot what she is doing is being needy and desperate. She left you and she will do it again. That's what I keep telling myself and that's ho0w I keep up the no contact. You clearly still love her very much and it take a man to admit how he truly feels. Continue to concentrate on you and things have a way of working out. Let her suffer. Let her drown in her own blood for a bit. If she wants to come back she should makethe first move. Just because this could be her way of getting you to call and her thinking you might say " even if i never talk to you again in my life, u r special 2 me and u have made a difference in my life.......Let your friends know they mean a lot to you....Don't ever leave the one you love for the the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one you love.........tonight, your true love will realize how much they love u."... Don't. If she truly wants to come back she will do it. You should have ZERO influence on her choice. The more she hears about you being happy and having good times with out her she will feel left out. DO things that will make you happy. Don't worry about how she feels. She didn't worry about how you felt when she a rusty knife in your back and left you. Stay strong " she will also admire this quality and she will hate herself more for what she has done.

Think of what an A$$ you would look like forwarding that message to all YOUR friends and she didn't. Delete this message. Do not respond.

Lol... I wasn't going to forward the message to anybody... I don't bite in to the forwarding nonsense... but considering the circumstances, I was trying to figure out what it meant that she would send something like this to only me, considering it has been NC for a couple months now and I have slowly been getting more and more text messages from her... I was curious if this was still part of her games, or whether my friend may actually be on the right track by saying that it seems as though she is really starting to realize what she did and miss me as well.