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I'm 25 and she is 23 (I was 23 and she was 21 when we met). About a month ago, my girlfriend left me. It happened almost overnight. We were together for two years, and had lived together for about a little over a year and we got along well, but needed to sort out our financial situation, so I moved back with the rents, and she moved with an older friend of hers about 3 1/2 hrs away, in which we both didn’t have to pay rent, and could save money. I had made this decision, so that we could both save up money, get out of the hole and then we were going to move back together. I had injured myself during the relationship and wasn't able to work and she had been helping me out for a few months. So, I didn't want her to have to do that anymore, so I made the "what i thought was mature" decision to move home so that it didn't wreck out relationship. We had no problems at all with each other, and got along extremely well, and up until two days before she ended it, she was saying how much she missed me and loved So, I wanted to visit her because we hadn't seen each other for about three weeks or so, and I wanted to drive up to see her. I basically had to make her want to have me come visit her, and therefore, I got angry, realizing I shouldn't have to make her want to have me drive all the way up to see her because I love her and miss her.....so i told her, "i don't need to deal with this", and hung up the phone. We didn't talk for two days, and she didn't fell bad at all about wanting to do something else instead of wanting to see me. So, late the next day, she writes me and tells me she wants me to come visit......but it too late for me to come up there at that point. I got angry so I wrote her a message telling her it was f&*%ed up that she didn't want to see me, and that I had to practically beg to come and visit her. She didn't respond. I called numerous times, and she didn't respond. Then, the following day, she called. I asked her why she never called me and why she didn’t answer my calls, and she said because she was at work….the thing is I called her at like 2am-3am…..so eventually she admitted that she was at the bar and didn’t want to. Well, she went on to say she wanted her freedom and was sick of waiting for me to get this new job (which was our ticket to financial goodness…. I ended up GETTING the job two weeks after she ended it)……She also said that I cared to much about her and the relationship and that my emotions were a sign of weakness. I didn’t understand how two days ago, I was getting text messages about how much she loved me and how she only ever wants to be with me…..and then she ends it in one night. She said that she had spoken to her brother (who knows nothing of relationships, and is too occupied by alcohol and other things to care about someone else) that night, and that he was a big influence….so I gave up trying to save my relationship. I had asked if we were going to be friends, or keep in touch, and she said she hadn’t really thought about anything (another thing making me believe she was acting on other peoples advice, rather than her own heart and the fact that she knew I loved her unconditionally). So, I tried to contact her numerous times, but she never wrote back or returned my calls. Then, on our anniversary date I sent her a message and she wrote back and actually carried on a conversation and sent a pix message with her new haircut, and got mad when I didn’t reply to it, and wanted to know what I thought of it. Why would she care what I think? Then, the next day she wrote again….and then after that day communication diminished.
Then just recently she was back in the area where we used to live, and she was with some friends and called my best friend to see if he wanted to go the bar with her…….now, he has seen everything she did to me and he knows, better than anyone, that what she did was messed up and made no sense. And also knows that she is going out and getting drunk every night and missing work, and see other guys and so forth, and has yet to even show any gratitude towards me, and instead just tells people that I should have seen it coming. So he told her “no” and asker her why she screwed me over, and she simply said, “You didn’t see it coming?”…He replied, “No, I really didn’t” and he told her how torn up I still was over her, and she said to him “his emotions were sign of weakness” and he just told her that I loved her, that it wasn’t weakness…and she said, “Tell him to go out and get laid….I have been happy for the last month and a half…I haven’t been sober since”….. and left it at that. That night, I got a call from her phone in the middle of the night, and either her or her friend called and left the phone open on the bar so I could hear them talking to other guys…..so that hurt, and was rather messed up in my opinion. Also, wasn’t it messed up she was calling my friend to go to the bar after she screwed me over and wasn’t talking to me?
I have heard that she has already been talking to another guy.....for someone that didn't want boyfriend and wanted her freedom, she moved rather quick considering it was less than a month when i heard that. Is this messed up or is it just me? And what do i take from this?
Then two days ago, at 2am….I get a message saying “Our song is on the radio. Just thought I’d say hi. Hope your new job is going well.”…I wanted to reply back, but took the advice of a friend, whom said not to write back, that she was probably drunk. This is probably the case, but then again you are most honest when you are drunk supposedly. However, if this is my chance of re-establishing a line of communication, I don’t want to miss out on it. Maybe she is realizing what she threw away…..or maybe she was just drunk and making sure she still has me to fall back on…..What do you think and should I write her………or will she write again if she actually does care??????....and then at that point can I respond? Or, should I just keep going about my life, and hope that she becomes attracted to how well I am doing for myself and realizes what she threw away?
Considering that our relationship was doing well, minus a few knicks here and there.....what should be my mindset? I mean I live in a new area, I know NOBODY(basically because work is not really a social place...its business, business, business), and I am no longer really interested in chasing girls/ladies, especially because I just had a perfectly good relationship pulled right out from under my feet and my heart is still with her. Considering she cut off all lines of communication and living a few hours away, it seems that there isn't much of a chance of her coming back. I guess i could hope it happened like it did with my parents, considering my dad moved a few states away when he left my mom......but i don't want to give myself false hopes....but honestly, she told me i was immature for 25 since i hadn't finished college and failed the class......but she has no idea what she is doing with her life, has no education beyond high school.....handled this whole situation like a .....is getting drunk every night, missing work, and is already seeing someone else..............I may not have been totally on my p's and q's...i admit that…but I am now… am I the immature one?
Having heard that she has already been talking to another guy/guys.....for someone that didn't want boyfriend and wanted her freedom, she moved rather quick considering it was less than a month when i heard that. Is this messed up or is it just me? And what do i take from this?
I love her and if she every comes back around, I would love get back together…..but, is she worth the time that my brain spends thinking about her? What should I do?
She obviously is very confused and doesn't know what she wants and is handling it like a coward. Frankly I don't think she's worth it. You deserve better and should insist on it. I'd write this one off and move on. There's better out there so don't settle for this kind of drama.
She is acting really immature. Maybe moving to that new area and being around new people made her want to be able to just go out and party. A lot of girls around that age do that. I would also bet that she is not looking to get into another relationship but just looking to date around. So I wouldn't worry about her getting a new boyfriend.
At this point you need to block her from your life. No contact. You need to start your healing process. Try to make friends at work, maybe join some local groups or clubs. Usually something like craigslist or meetup will list activities in your area. Go out make friends and try to have fun. You are young and you shouldn't sit holed up in your house pining for some girl.
Sorry but it doesn't look good, She might come back but she will run away when she wants to play. She is immature and at her age most likely will be that way for years to come. She wants what she wants and if that means hurting others to get it she will.
You made it through your work problems and now can stand on your own two feet and show yourself and the world how good you are. Walk tall and enjoy each and every day from this point on.
Find yourself and then you will find Mrs. Right. When you find her she will add to your life and make what you have even better so relax and enjoy the ride.
Thank you all for your advice so far. It is hard to cope with, but then again nobody likes to hear what they don't want to hear. As far as the last contact she made with me via text message, in which i didn't respond.....what should I do if she contacts me again, either via text message or the odd chance that she may call me? She was never someone to be all that sentimental or show her feelings at all, so when I received the text the other day, I was shocked. But if I hear from her again, then that would have to mean something. Would it then be reasonable to communicate with her? I know I am supposed to be trying to just move on with myself, but I can't say that I am ready to convince myself, that if she came back, that I would never want to be with her again. I mean people do change, as she must have since the beginning of the relationship.......but that would also mean that she could change from the end of the relationship until the next time she contacts me.....I have heard that sometimes, people just need to get it out of their systems, and then they realize they gave up the most loyal love they will find. I am not saying I will wait around, in fact, I will just continue to better myself each day, but if she contacts me during that time, what should I do? Thanks again!
if she contacts you dont answer show her your not waiting on her. Your doing your own thing independent now. Girls love that. Maybe call her an hour later and say i was out missed your call dont talk to much and dont get sucked in cause thats what she willtry and do and your heat will say stay on the phone dot do it get off.
Show her your having fun and then when she goes away she will realise this and may miss you and wan to contact you more.
Dont answer kep her guessing this isnt a game and just how to keep yourself or at least pretend your ok. Dont show weaknees sow strength as hard as it may be the more your bust the more she will follow..
Good luck. DONT ANSWE your busy now. although your probly notwe understand how you feel.
Unfortunately I don't think the feelings you had for each other was strong enough to survive the stresses you where put thru after separating because of finances. Thats when the beginning of the end started and you didn't work together very well after and all events that came next was just emotional fall out. You still haven't accepted this is over, and are afraid to move on but you must end the contact, and save yourself confusion, and rebuild your life without her. Don't hold out hope, that will only slow the healing process.
seriously mate, been through similar situations to this one a couple of times, myself, it only all seems to end in pain and suffering if you hold out and keep being nice...
there are a few things to consider here though, if she doesn't have enough faith in you and your relationship in the first place to break up with you, then you actually hold up your end of the bargain and get out of the rut and get the job, then what is it worth?
also if she's already playin around with other guys then she is either 1 the kind of gal that does this stuff deliberately (sadly many of them do) to mess with you or 2 the kind of gal that is confused but acts stupidly before thinking things through properly, either way all she is showing you is disrespect,
another bit, any female that mistakes kindness and love for weakness doesn't deserve to have you in their life in ANY way at all, if I were in your shoes I would just use the one thing that will let you get on with your life, (unfortunately it will actually mess her up more than you realise but what goes around comes around)
first up change your phone number, secondly ignore EVERY and ANY advances she makes, tell your friends that as far as she is concerned you don't want to know if she contacts them and if she does to have them say something like look the guy loved you so much and all you did was burn him, laugh and then say ah cry my friend a river and get over herself then hang up, (btw if your friends are willing to say this then you have some good solid friends, mine have and would again when I had crazy gals calling them lol)
then I would keep workin the good job and saving and then move on with your life, you have better things to do than live days of our lives episodes with a stupid girl repeatedly, and there are girls out there that are highly intelligent, caring, sophisticated, communicative and respect their partners, find one like that
regardless the outcome all the best!!!
oh and as for how you're feeling right now, try not to let your mind focus on it, think forwards in time, consider 'hey in a year from now am I going to even remember this girls name?!" chances are the answer to that is no, I have a beautiful girlfriend/fiancee/wife depending on what you want
....seriously mate, been through similar situations to this one a couple of times, myself, it only all seems to end in pain and suffering if you hold out and keep being nice...
there are a few things to consider here though, if she doesn't have enough faith in you and your relationship in the first place to break up with you, then you actually hold up your end of the bargain and get out of the rut and get the job, then what is it worth?
This is very true. This is what I have been wondering myself since the day she ended it. I have yet to understand why, when I was holding up my end of the bargain, did she end it.
also if she's already playin around with other guys then she is either 1 the kind of gal that does this stuff deliberately (sadly many of them do) to mess with you or 2 the kind of gal that is confused but acts stupidly before thinking things through properly, either way all she is showing you is disrespect,
I would have to probably go with the 2nd choice.....actually that sounds very accurate. She never thought things through before she acted upon them. She never learned to think first either. Which would further my belief that someday she will realize that she didn't really think things through and made a mistake giving up somene that loved her as much as is loyal and honest......is this unrealistic to think? Actually she admitted that she hadn't really thought things through, but that this was what she HAD to do. I do believe that her brother was a huge influence in the situation though, which also goes to show that she wasn't acting on her own thoughts, but that still doesn't excuse her from being the bi$ch she has been I also believe her friends, who are majority restaurant employees as well whom enjoy spending their nights dropping the dollars they earned on their shift, at the bar getting wasted, were also a big influence. Of course they only knew me at a bird's eye view as well.
another bit, any female that mistakes kindness and love for weakness doesn't deserve to have you in their life in ANY way at all, if I were in your shoes I would just use the one thing that will let you get on with your life, (unfortunately it will actually mess her up more than you realise but what goes around comes around)
I wish I could print this on every billboard where she lives, so that she could see this. You can't put it any better than you did here. I couldn't agree with this more, and its nice to hear that she is the odd one out, and not me.
first up change your phone number, secondly ignore EVERY and ANY advances she makes, tell your friends that as far as she is concerned you don't want to know if she contacts them and if she does to have them say something like look the guy loved you so much and all you did was burn him, laugh and then say ah cry my friend a river and get over herself then hang up, (btw if your friends are willing to say this then you have some good solid friends, mine have and would again when I had crazy gals calling them lol)
Yeah, this is something I need to take in to mind. I always hear when she contacts my friends, and therefore that keeps me thinking about her, and then sometimes, I wonder why she is willing to contact my friends, but couldn't even take the time to contact me......but now I realize that she doesn't even deserve my time, unless she is wanting to for sure come back. ...but I don't think she is the type that would just come out and say, "i want you back".....so after how many times of her contacting me, if she ever does again, do I respond?
then I would keep workin the good job and saving and then move on with your life, you have better things to do than live days of our lives episodes with a stupid girl repeatedly, and there are girls out there that are highly intelligent, caring, sophisticated, communicative and respect their partners, find one like that
Yeah, I am planning on just working this job and doing as much work on the side as well and saving as much as possible....these are things that will benefit me. I will continue to make myself a better person, and maybe she will then realize how much she messed up.....so that is what drives me each day! Or, if she doesn't realize, then I guess maybe someone else, sophisticated and communicative, and appreciative of my unconditional love will!
regardless the outcome all the best!!!
oh and as for how you're feeling right now, try not to let your mind focus on it, think forwards in time, consider 'hey in a year from now am I going to even remember this girls name?!" chances are the answer to that is no, I have a beautiful girlfriend/fiancee/wife depending on what you want
Thank you for your responses.....you really hit the nail on the head.
I would be the one that got away If I was you. Its all very nice to hold on to hope and keep in light contact etc etc but realistically you have only one life and your be wasting your time. Go No contact and block her from your life completely. You don't need her confusion in your life.
Work on yourself and get to a place where your happy alone, this is obtainable quite easily in time. Keep busy and have things to look foward to.
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