Relationship advice

DoulaLC · Jul 31, 2010, 07:23 AM

Five months is quick to get serious, but some people do know very early on when something is right.

Do you know if he has talked about you with her? Is she aware of the seriousness of your relationship? Does she live close by? Is she in a relationship? How often do they talk? Does he talk freely about her, no hiding the fact that they still talk now and then? That he speaks fondly about her with you sounds like he feels secure in your relationship and he is not hiding anything from you.

I pang of jealously now and then is not a bad thing.....but focus on the positive. It sounds like he isn't trying to hide the fact that they talk once in awhile. He mentions her to you. He doesn't really initiate the contact with her.

KimberleyJ · Jul 31, 2010, 07:23 AM

I think you should find out, how he really feels about you. And find out if there are any flames still alit between him and his ex. Listen to his responses and go with your instincts. You will know if he is seriously into you and that there is nothing to worry about.

Kimberley

brandnew · Jul 31, 2010, 09:21 AM

Thanks for yor replies, I appreciate you taking the time to answer.

We did get serious quickly and I never got serious that quickly before but we both feel that we are experiencing something special.
He has told her about me but I don't know if she knows how serious we are. She is not in a relationship and they did speak every week or so. He doesn't hide anything as far as I can tell, he will tell me if there has been contact. I don't really thonk he has feelings for her at all but I don't know about her. I have had a bad experience in the past with an ex reappearing and messing things up for me so I am always wary of them!

talaniman · Jul 31, 2010, 12:02 PM

I think its much too soon to start rearranging someone else's life, or get carried away by future possibilities. Why not just enjoy at an emotionally safe distance as more facts present themselves?

That way at least you can have fun getting to know each other a lot better. 5 months is barely scratching the surface of truly knowing someone. Even though the feelings are intense right now, they will surely settle down, when the "honeymoon period" is over, and reality sets in. That's when you find out what you really have gotten yourself into.

Jake2008 · Aug 1, 2010, 06:45 AM

Why wait for him to answer your concerns. Why not address them yourself.

Have a dinner party, have him invite her over. She can bring a date, or not.

Your jealousy may be very displaced, if he's doing nothing wrong in maintaining a relationship with an ex during the five months you two have been together.

In fact, it is a plus in my opinion, that he is mature enough to do that.

Had he suddenly struck up a friendship with her, after being with you for say, a few years, then I would be concerned.

But, if she is a friend, she's been a friend a lot longer than the two of you have been together. Why should he stop communicating.

brandnew · Aug 1, 2010, 04:11 PM

Again, thank you for your replies.

I don't think meeting her is an option, I don't really want that, I just feel uncomfortable with the situation and would like to feel more relaxed about it, I honestly don't think there is anything between them and am hoping she may just realise that we are serious about each other and maybe keep communication to a minimum. I know this isn't really a problem, I just have had an ex, a so called friend,(in a previous relationship) cause problems. There is no evidence that this girl will do that but I am wary and feel a little panicky when I know she has been in touch. So its really more about my feelings than what might or might not happen between them. I know I am probably being silly to feel like this.

talaniman · Aug 1, 2010, 06:36 PM

Do you know how long they have been broken up, or why?

brandnew · Aug 1, 2010, 06:43 PM

They have been broken up for a few years, I think the relationship had just run its course.

ISneezeFunny · Aug 1, 2010, 06:58 PM

I'm the type to keep relatively in touch with my exes, while my girlfriend is not.

Granted, I don't talk to my exes weekly...we do chat/call one another every few months.

In my case, I feel absolutely nothing for my exes anymore, but since we shared somewhat of a time frame of our lives together, and we were good friends once, I feel it harmless to continue a friendship. So if your boyfriend's the type to be like that, I wouldn't worry so much about it. If he's being honest and up front to you about it, then I wouldn't worry.

If he starts hiding his phone, being secretive, etc., then yeah, I could see how this could be a problem.

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