Recently i've been reconsidering the idea of getting back together with my ex seriously. It's a confusing ordeal, but the long story short is that she dumped me, realized most of the problems of the relationship are her fault, then tried to say she's only like that with me, then tried to get back together, but she really hadn't changed much so i turned her down. After that she then turned around and accused me of causing all the problems, we had a big blow up, she returned to not caring anymore, and that's where we're at.

So what i'm getting at for you guys, is that i honestly see a lot of potential. Things went sour fast between us once we started patching up because she's not ready yet, she said it herself, she's not the person she wants to be, and needs to figure things out for herself for a while. When i left her alone for a few months, she started seeing things my way, which leads me to believe leaving her alone will be good in general for both of us. When we last spoke, we left it at she was going to get ahold of me when she's finished patching herself up or whatever.

So what would you guys do? I see a lot of potential in getting back together, she sometimes does, sometimes doesn't, which is a good indication to stay away, however i'm feeling inclined to give her a call to smooth things over a bit, because they got real ugly last time we talked and i said a lot of things i didn't mean. After that i'd like to just leave things be, because it's out of my hands. Communication lines have been open for a while, and one of the reasons i'm keeping my distance is because i have the tendancy to want to help her with this, but either she won't let me or there's nothing i can do anyway, so i learned my lesson on that on that one.

In summary: make that call to say my piece in the good way? Last time we spoke it was angry i hate you make peace with myself. This time it'd be good, you're not as bad as i come across make my peace.

As far as emotions go, i can do with or without this call, so i'm not really dwelling as much as i would have in the past, i just feel inclined to smooth things over so they don't turn ugly if we run into each other in person.

Wildcat21

Dude move on.....WAY too much drama to handle.....go find a NORMAL healthy gal.

I have a STRONG feeling - and you have already seen this - once the coast is clear she will go back to her ways.

She takes you for granted. Find a loving woman.

Bo not make thta call.

And we need to chnage your handle. Think positive. Confidence.

ForeverZero

Well, my theory on that, is that there's a difference between change and growth. Change is temporary. Change is when you be somebody different for somebody else's sake, or because somebody told you that you had to. That's when people revert and nothing happens. Growth is when you realize that you're not the kind of person you want to be, and make an effort to become a better one. Growth takes a lot of time and a lot inner strength, and that's why i turned her down in the first place. it's been 4 months, and at the 3 month mark she was just starting to realize she needed to grow, so there's no overnight fixing happening here, which i'd be wary of.

I'm usually pretty spot on with people, and i think she's going to be one of the ones that actually grows instead of ignoring the problem. After all, i spent 2 years of my life with her, and so far i'm batting a thousand on what's been goin on in her head. Thanks for the help and keep it comin dude.

ForeverZero

As far as the handle goes, i wanted Skiperior Hot Dog Squad!!!! but it's too long. Also would have accepted LASOR BEAM DEATH SQUAD!!!! or HungryHungryHobo!

Wildcat21

Well you do have a good handle on this - I agree 1000% people will ACT out what you want for a short time.

Reminds me of gal I thought was the one - all nice and sweet for a couple - months turned out she was a massive controling, selfish, crab. Yuck.

Thats why I always ADVISE - don't mortgage your soul to a stranger! Wait like a year before you put TOO much importance into anyone.

ForeverZero

I'm also feeling the clock ticking here, i go home for summer break, and then i've got my last year of college before i head off to NYPD 7 hours away from her, so i'm sorta interested in gettin this done soon.

kaitou

You guys seems pretty heated still. I think you should do this over a letter instead of a phone call. A phone call could make things more complicated, you might end up not being able to stay level-headed in a phone call, because she's right there. (eg. What if she's still bitter when you call her?). A letter on the other hand, at least you can write down everything you want to, and stay clear headed. It also gives her time to think about it before she respond.

talaniman

Haven't had enough drama huh? Leave her alone and go about your life and stop the theories and queries. Smooth over what?? There is nothing to smooth over except you accepting she's a nut, as are you, and this is a closed chapter in your life. You had your fun now move on to the life your planning without her.

ForeverZero

Nothing wrong with looking for roses when you're aware of the thorns.