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Ok, I was dating a guy for almost 2 years. He isn't my first love but my first proper relationship, physically and emotionally.
For almost 2 years things were amazing, we had our fights, obviously, but I was always grateful of him, I could never believe my luck that I had him. However, we both did start to take eachother for granted, and it became a strain.
About 2 months ago we had a chat about it, we both admitted that we could work a little harder on the relationship and see if we could make it better, and if we couldnt, well then we knew what we had to do. Unfortunately, we didnt really bother trying...we STILL took eachother for granted, and not long after that I got an amazing career opportunity that kind of took all of my attention and energy, and for a while I really didnt concentrate on my relationship with him.
Then, 3 weeks ago, he stayed in his friends house overnight (his female friend who has been the cause of some arguments in the past) and naturally I wasnt happy about it. The next day we were talkin on the phone and he said we should meet up, he didnt think he wanted to be in the relationship anymore and thought we should meet up and talk face to face.
We broke up hours later, I agreed with him that we werent trying anymore and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. He suggested going on a break and not breakin up, but I said no because I didnt want us to have any false hopes because neither of us know what is going to happen in the future, and he was fine with that. After a lot of crying on both parts, I went home a single girl after a 2 year relationship.
He continued to talk to me, he would send me text messages all the time, some of them he was telling me how much he cried as I walked away, and that its really hard for him etc...And some were just friendly "hey how you doing" kind of messages.
A week after we broke up we met up and went to the movies, we had a great time together, but we ended up having sex. We continued to talk every day again, and we met up again, just trying to remain friends. We didnt have sex that time but we fooled around.
When I suggested that we give eachother our stuff back he said he didnt want to, and when I suggested getting back together he said he didnt want to. But now he has agreed to give our stuff back, although he said it would put him in bad form because it is "so official".
I'm really confused, he did say that he doesnt want to get back with me, but at the same time I feel like he is sending me mixed signals and I dont know where I stand.
I love him so much and I miss him dearly. Please help me.
Jay
Hi, Jay,
Thanks for asking a question here, and Welcome to the site.
It's over.
He wants to move on. I had the same thing happen, many years ago, with a girl. We knew each other for about 5 or 6 years, were sweethearts, went away to different colleges. Got a letter from her my first year in college. She found someone else. Took me a year to get over it, and start dating again.
Things happen with relationships, and we never know what willl happen. We love, and take our chances. I was divorced after 7 yrs, 1st marriage, but now married 29 yrs to a wonderful woman.
Stay in contact with him, if you want to. You may, or may not, be able to be "just friends". If you are really in love with him, it might hurt too much, causing you more pain, to just be friends. He is ready to move on.
I do wish you the best, and I would give him back his stuff, let him know you are there if he wants to start the relationship again. Or, it's up to you. Might be better just to end it altogether; wish him well, then try moving on yourself.
There are no mixed signals this thing is over and you would help yourself a lot not fooling around or going to bed with him. You deserve better than being a booty call! Move on with your life and put plenty of distance between the two of you! Good luck!
At this point, feeling the way you do, I'd confront him about what he wants and where the two of you are going as a couple if anywhere. Tell him upfront how you feel but also stress that you need a firm commitment from him now or else it will be over and you're moving on, giving his stuff back, taking back yours, the whole nine yards. Don't let yourself be strung along by his wishy-washiness ; that isn't fair to you. Of course, on the flip side, be prepared yourself to give the full commitment to him the same way ; no ambivalence on your part either. You're at a crossroad and need to make a decision so now's the time to do it. Good luck!
Thanks for replying everyone.
I told him I wanted no more contact with him after we give our stuff back, he seemed a little bit annoyed but he reluctantly agreed. We were meant to do it tonight, but when we were talking on MSN, he didnt answer me when I brought it up, then he went offline.
He did say to me before that doing it will really hurt him and annoy him, but I feel that we're both making it worse for ourselves. It seems to me like he's putting it off, and I can't figure out why seeing how he said it was a break up and not a break.
I'm completely miserable without him, and I do really want him back...So my fragile mind is taking this as a signal that he's putting it off because maybe he doesnt actually want to make the break up official.
I've thought a lot about it, and as much as I love and miss him, I'm going to stop the foolong around and going to bed together, because you're right, its not doing us any favours.
But I'm still totally stuck as to what to do about this. He ignores the subject of giving stuff back, and avoids talking about it now. What do I do?
Give yourself time to sort out your own feelings now so you make a decision with a clear mind as to what you want and if you can don't worry about stuff or make it an issue,I would also not have any contact, while I think about the decision I must make!Good luck!
Ok, I posted a little while ago about my problem, quick recap. I was dating a guy for 2 years, we broke up and remained friends. Anytime we talked he seemed alrite...I seemed ok to him too, but I was completely miserable...still am, and he told me he was really upset about it too.
After posting on here about it, I took wildcats advice and stopped replying to his txts etc...but he came onto msn when I was on and he started chatting to me. I acted totally fine, he asked how Im doing and I told him I was doing great, I had been out all week and had a good week and was looking forward to the weekend etc...
I asked him how he was and he said he'd had a bad week, but talking to me has cheered him up.
I really miss him, I'm still in love with him, and I want him back. He doesnt txt me anymore since I asked him not to, but will still talk to me when he see's me on msn...I'm going to continue acting totally ok and happy....but it doesnt seem to be making a difference.
Obviously I dont know whats going on with him, or how he feels. He said he's still hurt by the break up (which was a month ago) but I just REALLY want him back !!
Does anyone have any tips on what to do or how to act? I'm keeping my distance, we've only talked twice this week and thats because he's chatted to me on msn...but neither of us are really on msn a hell of a lot so I cant see that happening too often.
By the way, we broke up because we both thought we were a little young (we're 19 and 20) to be in a long term relationship, he said we took eachother for granted and that he didnt feel the closeness anymore, altho even after we broke up he still told me he loves me.
I'm just confused and lonely, and I miss the love of my life.
Please help.
x
Hi Jayjay,
I've just finished reading your former thread.
One of the things yo wrote popped up to my sight "he does'nt like to give tings back"...
- he might be a possessive type, wants what he can't have (the way wildcat pointed out) - THIS isn't love.
love is about trust, respect, cherish.
you have to keep yourself busy and see other people - not necessarily guys -don't fall into the rebound trap.
looking at the dates of your previous thread, you've been hardly apart. it seems to me what you miss has nothing to do with love, you keep mentioning you were together for 2 years: you got used to have each other around.
ask yourself what is this guy for you, what role would you like him to take in your life - husband? if you took each other for granted after 2 yeas. how long would it take after you're married? divorce is more painful than breaking up now, and finding the right guy is not easy.
the age isn't the only thing here, like you pointed out in this thread - look back at the whole picture, and don't look away from the things which made you unhappy during your 1st round.
good luck, and take care,
Millie
Hi, Jayjay,
You have two options:
One is to keep on doing what you are doing, but it's not going to make you feel any better. The only thing you really want is to have him back. But, he doesn't want that.
The other thing is to stop communicating with him completely, try to let it go, and move on. It's hard to move on, but sometimes things just don't work out.
I had 3 "loves of my life", many yrs ago, when I was 16 and on up to 22, when the last one found someone else.
Married at 24, divorced 7 yrs later, but now re-married for 29 years.
Been there, done that!
Sometimes, we just have to accept things the way they really are, and start talking with others, dating again. Talking always helps, and helps to move on with our lives.
I do wish you the best, and good luck. Things will eventually get better!
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