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I had been seeing my partner for 8 years and have had a fantastic relationship. We had a really good lifestyle and I genuinely feel like she was my soulmate and true love. Trouble is I didn't know it. I hit 40 and had what I now see as a mid life crisis. I split with my girlfriend in November, started seeing a girl from my work in December, by February my girlfriend was pregnant and by March I realised I had made a huge mistake and missed my ex beyond all comprehension. There is more to it than all that but thats what it boiled down to.
I spoke to my ex in March by which time she had met a guy off the internet and was sleeping with him which I found really hard to deal with. We agreed to meet and try again however despite agreeing not to be with other people she went out and stayed with the guy the night before we were to try again. I caught her coming home with him and couldn't and still can't deal with it in my head.
I am now in a situation where I love my ex and feel I have lost her forever. I think she might take me back but I am unable to get the situation with the other guy out of my head. My girlfriend is now 17 weeks pregnant and desperately looking forward to the future. I do really like her but she doesn't compare at all to my ex. I am looking forward to the baby but wish it was with my ex.
What do I do??? I am so screwed up and unable to deal with day to day life??
ok, here it comes... I am going to tell you what is the Morally correct and responsible thing to do...
#1 Forget about ex-girlfriend, she is not in love with you like you deserve to be loved, because she was not willing to give up someone else for you.
#2 I think you really made a mistake by even trying to go back to your ex, because you have a new baby on the way, and you are responsible to try and make the best life for that baby possible.
#3 You don't sound like you dislike your present girlfriend, you just aren't as in love with her as you were your ex. So... love can grow. Love will be there when you see her holding your own flesh and blood in her arms. When you watch her love on a tiny little piece of each of you. I am speaking from experience. I married someone that I was not in love with and I only had a respect for him, but one day, the love was there.
Don't bring one more child into this world who will be cursed with a lifetime of "visiting" his/her Dad. I know the baby isn't really a reality to you yet... but I promise you one thing. If you throw away the chance to come home from work every day and hear your baby yell "Daddy!" and run into your arms... you WILL regret it. Do the right thing. In this case it's right for you and the baby, and your girlfriend. And get married. Blessings.
im sorry but i have no sympathy, call me harsh. the grass is never greener on the other side.
you slept with someone else and got her pregnant but yet you cannot deal with the fact your EX slept with someone else after YOU LEFT HER.
if you love your ex so much then why leave her in the first place?
im not harsh im realistic, and in this case at least do the right thing by your baby,its obvious you dont want the bit on the side now..i feel sorry for both women really.sorry.
how do you think your partner the one you love is going to feel about this? how do you think she is ever going to be able to trust you again? i personally think it's too late to try to rekindle anything with her, it looks like she has moved on with her life and i must say that i don't blame her. you left her. she did nothing wrong by finding someone who appreciates her.
as far as your preggers gf, i think you should try to make it work for the sake of the baby. if you knew in your heart that you didn't want a serious relationship with her, or to start a family with her why no protection?? not only did you set her up for disappointment and her pregnancy but you put lives in jeopardy as well (way too many std's going around). to me she sounds like she was nothing more than a fling to you.
you have to be honest with yourself, you screwed up (sorry to say) and as gypsy stated you made your bed. you made the decision to throw away 8 as you call them "fantastic" years. it's too late to go back.
I bought a red sport car when I had that mid life thing, and took my wife all over the country visiting kids and relatives. it was great.( it did every bit of 140 mph easy and I only got one ticket) Hey stuff happens, don't make it worse by being a lousy dad to your kid. Thats the worse thing you can ever do.
Location: Now hailing from St. Petersburg, Florida US of A, North America, planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.
Posts: 2,267
I don't think you don't miss your ex as much as you think you do. I think what really happened was that you are suddenly facing the reality of facing a new life that is different and maybe even a little scary given the new responsiblities your going to have and what your really looking for is something secure. In your mind the first thing that you think of when you think of security is the 8 year relationship you just got out of. That was "safe" and it provided you with a comfort zone, where as this relationship doesn't and being a parent is going to change your life forever so your seeking some kind of safety net, which is why you suddenly sought your ex out again. I think when you discovered she was moving on with other people you realized that safety net was now gone and that's what's causing all these feelings to come up.
I think you just need to stop and take a deep breath and realize that your life has changed dramatically since November and accept that change without the guilt and instead of focus on the new challenges and excitement that your life will now take you in.
I would seriously consider getting some professional help. If it is affecting your day-to-day life you need a little guidance in working things out. No other decisions should be made until you get that help. No matter what, no matter who you end up with, you have a baby on the way!!! You're going to be a father!!!! Get yourself together now so that these issues won't overshadow the joy of being a dad and to prevent your new baby from being affected by all this. You have far greater things to consider now than who your ex-girlfriend slept with. That's a drop in the bucket of life compared to becoming a dad.
i wasnt getting at you at all, i guess i just have strong oppinions about stuff like this because i have been there in the same place as your ex. i was left,then when he realized the mistake he had made he came crawling back telling me i was his world, i didnt take him back, he destroyed everything we had for the sake of wanting to find something better, the thing is once he had sex with someone else he realized what he had lost.
if you want your ex back all you can do is try,explain to her what you explained on here, but im sorry i wouldnt take you back,again not getting at you,just the principle that you thought the relationship was so fantastic,that she was your soul mate,but yet you still left.thats why women sometimes say they dont know what men want, its hard for a woman sometimes because they give their all, and after all is said and done it SOMETIMES counts for nothing (as it does with some men too) (i have to add im not getting at men here im just making a point).
you had everything you could ever want, and you let that go, if you want it back you are going to really have to proove yourself, and make sure that you never ever do anything this stupid again, IF your ex takes you back it may not even work out in the end as this might have scarred her too much, she may think you will do it again if she gives her heart back to you.
another thing is you have to let it go the fact that she slept with this guy, after all she was single after you left, she did nothing worng, if you cant handle it thats not fair..does she even know you got this other girl pregnant?
You are a very jealous person that needs to mature. It's not ok for your ex to have sex with a person she's currently dating, but it's ok for you to not only have sex, but impregnate the person you're currently dating? I think you need to talk to your parents, your religious affiliation (if you have a religion), or a couples counselor w/o your current girlfriend and pick up some morals. Why? Morals are absolute and apply both ways irregardless of situation. So if it's not ok for her to have sex, neither should you be having sex, see what i mean?
Another thing, look at the timeline. First mistake is you didn't give yourself enough time to know what you want or need in a relationship and got with the next girl a month later. Second mistake is you dated a coworker, um awkward and unprofessional. Third mistake is i can tell you don't think your girlfriend is special enough to have waited awhile until you knew yourself, knew her, and knew birth control methods. Fourth mistake is a month into the pregnancy you can't see how special your own child is.
About your comment to post #3, you sound like my bf, he screwed up A LOT, but he made changes at the last minute. I think you just wish to have your last minute with your ex. Ok, so send her an email and apologize for all your past mistakes and emphasize how you wish her well. Then leave her alone and focus on your own life. I would not be a happy pregnant girlfriend if i learned my boyfriend is more worried about his ex and her sex life than a future he can still fix.
So, please pick up morals and spend fatherhood implementing it in your own child. We wouldn't want history to repeat. I don't want to be any more cruel than I already sound, but if i don't show how much of a jackass you're being right now, you might make more mistakes in the real world and get punched for it, that's what my mom always says when she critiques me. BUT!
If you haven't changed in 8 years and 4 months, can you change at all?
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