A real-life greek tragedy; I need insight from the outside.

solemn swede · #1 Feb 9, 2008, 10:59 AM

SO here's the deal:
I was 16, my gf was 17. we met in the summer between her junior and senior years, and my soph and junior years. we met through friends, and talked on the way home from a dance (we had gone with other people, but sat next to eachother in the limo). from then on we had incredibly in-depth conversations about the meaning of life, and we'd analyze books together. for a few weeks we were good friends. i texted her almost every 30 minutes in class. she was actually going out with someone else at the time (a partial-friend of mine), but she was telling me it was just because she was bored. she showed no sign of having deep feelings for me, but we were close. she was 17, so she could legally drive me around. she drove me everywhere, often. then one day we had a pic-nick in a park by school, and things just got better. we had always been flirting with eachother, but this was different. we considered ourselves "married" on facebook (a result of me trying to marry myself, and her marrying me as a cute joke to make me happy), which led to an openness in our "friendship". i felt complete, and i later found out that she did too. we had the most amazing relationship from then on out. she dumped her bf, and we started our relationship. we never dated. we were never even friends. she said she believes that you only love once, which is what i will believe to be true for the sake of this argument. we started going to the park often, and waking up early just so we could have more time in the day to see eachother. there wasn't a day in months that we didn't see each other. then she had to go on a cruise she had planned long ago with her old bf and his friends. we missed eachother terribly, because there was no form of communication to a boat at sea. our form of connection was to look at the moon at the same time every night. it was difficult for 18 days. then she got home and we spent the rest of the summer together, eery single day. it was perfect. then school started and that's when she (just now) told me things started to slide downhill... i didn't notice, but she did. when the year started we split up our nights (so we would each have dinner with the other persons and their family, every other night). when we first met i wrote her letters, even though she lives minutes away, just to be cute. and she wrote me. we wrote about how life was horrible before we met the other person, and how we had made each other "human's with emotions" again. i was very attached. she had always been a very independent person, and recently, after 7 months of going out, she said we need to break up.
now this is what starts getting confusing. she told me that she didn't want to do this, but she needs time and space (because i was so dependent on her). she said that our relationship was so intense it made her lose sight of herself and her goals, and she felt like a failure inside, empty, no matter what she did. i argued and fought it viciously. i never saw this coming! we had 7 "perfect" months, and then she just wanted me to not be her partner. and in our letters we had written that we couldn't imagine a life without the other. i felt betrayed, lost, and hurt. incredibly hurt. how could the girl that i was so certain wanted to spend her entire life with me do this? how could she throw me back to being a friend?
she told me that she still loves me, because she only loves once. but she had fallen out of love with me (the difference between 'love' and 'in love'), probably due to the fact that school and friends have made it hard to stay active in the relationship. we never really talked about any of this before hand, and we started fighting more and more frequently up to this. but she would always come to, as would i, and we would then want nothing more than to be in eachother's arms.
after this, she said she needed to be my friend again, to have her go back to being the self she used to be before me, and to have me go back into the me that loved life (the interesting me that she met). she said she was doing this now, so we could be 2 individuals in a relationship. "we can't drink from he same cup, but rather fill eachother's cups" is a quote from "the prophet" that puts this into perspective. thus so we could have a meaningful relationship later in life, and to avoid the probability of divorce later.. the problem is, we never were friends. and i find it too hard to talk to her as a friend, because i gave her my heart. but if i don't talk to her and be the me i used to be, how can she fall back in love with me? (this downhill slide actually hit hard just one week ago, we went from the perfect married couple to almost nothing in days). oh, and she is talking to this dude, from the trip she went on when we first started our relationship, very frequently now. it hurts. is she falling for him ?
i need help, please.

imation · Feb 9, 2008, 04:00 PM

Put her out of your mind and do as she suggests and be yourself. If there is a chance for the relationship later then that chance will come, this isn't the end of the world you just need to forget about it

E12191G · Feb 9, 2008, 06:31 PM

alright. well, you met this person and really liked her. you met her when she had a bf. you were flirting with her and goign to picknicks with her if i understand correctly. she did this behind her boufriends back. what makes you think your any more different then him? maybe shes been talkign to this guy when she was with you.and honestly it really does suck to be with someone and thnk that there the one when there not. but the thing is, you have to learn to get over them. if she broke up with you then she doesnt want to be with you so, why do you want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you?? if i were in that situation, i would most definatly just tel her the truth, you dont see hher as a friend and dont think you ever will or can. so maybe its best you stoip talking. or if she changes her mind then maybe give it another chance. but in my opinioni the best way to get over someone is to stop talkign completely. its the most complicated but succesful way. she may be "1 in a million" but hey guess what...there plenty moremillion out there. and you never know, love can be found again.

good luck with that.

solemn swede · Feb 9, 2008, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by solemn swede

SO here's the deal:
I was 16, my gf was 17. we met in the summer between her junior and senior years, and my soph and junior years. we met through friends, and talked on the way home from a dance (we had gone with other people, but sat next to eachother in the limo). from then on we had incredibly in-depth conversations about the meaning of life, and we'd analyze books together. for a few weeks we were good friends. i texted her almost every 30 minutes in class. she was actually going out with someone else at the time (a partial-friend of mine), but she was telling me it was just because she was bored. she showed no sign of having deep feelings for me, but we were close. she was 17, so she could legally drive me around. she drove me everywhere, often. then one day we had a pic-nick in a park by school, and things just got better. we had always been flirting with eachother, but this was different. we considered ourselves "married" on facebook (a result of me trying to marry myself, and her marrying me as a cute joke to make me happy), which led to an openness in our "friendship". i felt complete, and i later found out that she did too. we had the most amazing relationship from then on out. she dumped her bf, and we started our relationship. we never dated. we were never even friends. she said she believes that you only love once, which is what i will believe to be true for the sake of this argument. we started going to the park often, and waking up early just so we could have more time in the day to see eachother. there wasn't a day in months that we didn't see each other. then she had to go on a cruise she had planned long ago with her old bf and his friends. we missed eachother terribly, because there was no form of communication to a boat at sea. our form of connection was to look at the moon at the same time every night. it was difficult for 18 days. then she got home and we spent the rest of the summer together, eery single day. it was perfect. then school started and that's when she (just now) told me things started to slide downhill... i didn't notice, but she did. when the year started we split up our nights (so we would each have dinner with the other persons and their family, every other night). when we first met i wrote her letters, even though she lives minutes away, just to be cute. and she wrote me. we wrote about how life was horrible before we met the other person, and how we had made each other "human's with emotions" again. i was very attached. she had always been a very independent person, and recently, after 7 months of going out, she said we need to break up.
now this is what starts getting confusing. she told me that she didn't want to do this, but she needs time and space (because i was so dependent on her). she said that our relationship was so intense it made her lose sight of herself and her goals, and she felt like a failure inside, empty, no matter what she did. i argued and fought it viciously. i never saw this coming! we had 7 "perfect" months, and then she just wanted me to not be her partner. and in our letters we had written that we couldn't imagine a life without the other. i felt betrayed, lost, and hurt. incredibly hurt. how could the girl that i was so certain wanted to spend her entire life with me do this? how could she throw me back to being a friend?
she told me that she still loves me, because she only loves once. but she had fallen out of love with me (the difference between 'love' and 'in love'), probably due to the fact that school and friends have made it hard to stay active in the relationship. we never really talked about any of this before hand, and we started fighting more and more frequently up to this. but she would always come to, as would i, and we would then want nothing more than to be in eachother's arms.
after this, she said she needed to be my friend again, to have her go back to being the self she used to be before me, and to have me go back into the me that loved life (the interesting me that she met). she said she was doing this now, so we could be 2 individuals in a relationship. "we can't drink from he same cup, but rather fill eachother's cups" is a quote from "the prophet" that puts this into perspective. thus so we could have a meaningful relationship later in life, and to avoid the probability of divorce later.. the problem is, we never were friends. and i find it too hard to talk to her as a friend, because i gave her my heart. but if i don't talk to her and be the me i used to be, how can she fall back in love with me? (this downhill slide actually hit hard just one week ago, we went from the perfect married couple to almost nothing in days). oh, and she is talking to this dude, from the trip she went on when we first started our relationship, very frequently now. it hurts. is she falling for him ?
i need help, please.

thanks so much, all of you.
this advice really helps.
it always helps to have an outside perspective,
(which is freaking impossible to find)



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