I was out drinking and eating with some coworkers and these guys are like father figures to me and they gave me some amazing advice about my situation and about the future.

They made me realize that the problem most people make when looking for someone in the opposite sex is to allow the physical part of the relationship cloud the memory and the brain of what truly the person is about.

What each person needs to do is figure out the core values that you would want in someone and look for those and looks or getting sex all the time shouldn't be the consideration. If the physical part of the relationship comes involved too soon more time than not it becomes the focal point of the relationship and when that part fades you are lost with everything that you wanted the relationship to be.

I understand the most people feel like this person is unbelievable but from their opinions and I know it is just them but they make so much sense, there is more than one person for everybody and most of the people on this site that are having the most trouble with space and breakups are in high school and college and not having a full grasp of what it takes to truly have a fulfilling relationship(me included)

The key that I took from this was that as everyone says they are just apart of your life and if someone is willing to change their life like wildcat says and even if your partner is and is willing to compromise their core values and the things they want to do in their life then maybe they aren't the right person for you.

Most people on here me included the reason they want the ex so bad is it was SAFE and you already had it so you feel like you know everything about that person and what they want and you feel that you are the best person to make them happy and they are the best person to make you happy. It was and in your mind the easy route and once rejection sets in you feel like that is all you can get because if they rejected you what else is out there. Maybe I am talking out of my butt but I know wildcat, tal and val and other can elaborate more. But I just like making these posts because everyone on here feels and in their mind wants their ex back so much to a point where it gets disheartening because this person asked for space or a break or a breakup for a reason. There were problems too big where they couldn't be fixed at that point and time and they are not willing to work on it. Why want someone that doesn't want to be with you and have to convince them and beg and plead just so they change your mind?

I just thought this had some good information in it and even if everyone doesn't believe in everything said I do feel like there are some underlying reasons that can help. I know most of the people going through these things will say MY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT THEY REALLY TRULY LOVE ME AND I KNOW THEY LOVES ME AND WANTS TO BE WITH ME!!!! You feel they just needs to figure things out and she will come back. In some rare cases that may be the case but that is a separation. Most of the other situations the person wants other things and you aren't it right now. There are alot WORSE things that can happen to you then what you are going through right now. THe sooner you realize that once you get to a point where you are closer to death then rebirth you will realize that you want to look back and have people say that guy was a great father, a great employee or a great boss, a guy well respected. Those are the things that will be important. I am 23 and can't really compare to those things but at some point the past is all you will have and you don't want to waste parts of your life stressing and being upset over something you can't control. You can't control FATE and you sure as hell can't control someone to love you.

ceriphante

great advice hope more ppl read this post.

mckenzie134

I sometime believe you can make people love you if you act in the right way.

talaniman

That was a great post, and a lot of points to consider that apply to all of us, no matter how in love you may think you are or your partner is. That fear of rejection has to be very high on the list of things that make us afraid, as we do get comfortable enough in a relationship that we really don't want things to change, and put us in a position to be single again. Face it, a break up means you are alone, and have to start all over, and most of us are just plain scared of being rejected, and being alone, especially after years with a partner. The thing that has to be stressed though, is to accept what life throws at you, and deal with it. The quicker you can move on, the less pain you go thru.

Jiser

Love your post! Your past is the past, its all a lesson to learn from for the present and future. The book is yet to be opened! We should be remembered indeed. Work towards that.

lmnotok

wow, you're wise.
Happiness is a decision, the more i figure it out, the happier i am.
Its not about a partner can change your whole life, it is YOU who can make the difference in your life!

talaniman

Sometimes we get in the way of our relationships growing, when one or the other acts out of fear and jealousy, and puts a terrible strain on the other person, and creates an atmosphere of dread, as opposed to happiness, and then the communications are strained and before you know, it poof goes the relationship. If you don't know how to fix it, then you had better be ready to exit stage left, nobodies fault sometimes, if you don't have the tools to deal with the problem, or unwilling to work on it together. Then its over, and you have to accept it and move on. Funny how the rough times either make, or break a relationship.