I do not often read through GQ - for obvious reasons - but I came across this article in April's edition, pp. 167-172. The article is called, "Read This Before You Say "I Do", written by Andrew Corsello. His preface to the article goes like this, "think your relationship is built on an unshable foundation of love, trsut, and security? You clearly haven't had the big conversation about money." The article discusses the five questions to ask before getting married, how to know which accounts and assets to merge, eight money rules, and discussing the prenuptial agreement.

kp2171

do you have a link, or can you share more details?

shygrneyzs

No, sorry, I do not have a link - I just posted the article for reference if someone was interested - that they could go and check out the article. Many libraries have GQ. - maybe yours does and you could read it there. I checked out GQ's website, some of the articles are online, but not the articles under "Your Money". GQ Articles, Fashion Features, and Pics on men.style.com

I can give you some highlights of the articles.

"5 Questions To Ask Before You Get Hitched"

1. Are you a spender or a saver?
2. What are your financial strengths and weaknesses?
3. What's your FICO scroe?
4. What is your attitude concerning debt?
5. In ten years, where do you want your life to be?

"8 Money Rules"

1. Don't be a killjoy and mention your tight household budget while you are on a vacation together. Air your concerns later.

2. If you're in the middle of a heated discussion about money, steer clear of mentioning exact dollar amounts spent in the past.

3. If you're the higher earner, avoid using the phrase, "my money."

4. If she is the higher earner, don't make an issue of it.

5. When money is tight and tensions are high, bring up the good and more frugal days. That will help put things in perspective.

6. Don't bring the subject of finances into dining,

7. Soften the blow of money discussions by agreeing to do something nice for each other, e.g. a massaage.

8. Never compare your financial health and spending habits with that of other couples.

"Do You Need A Prenup?

1. Has your fiancee ever been married before?

2. Will your future spouse contribute to your mortgage payments?

3. Has your fiancee racked up a lot of debt?

4. Are you a property owner?

5. Do you live in a community property state, i.e. Arizona, CA, Idaho, La, Nevada, NM, Tx, Wa, or Wis) where assets earned during marriage are equally divided?

6. Is your pension covered by federal law?

7. Do you own your own business?

8. Do you have family trusts that you'd like to pass from one generation to the next?

9. Are you expecting to receive an inheritance?

NeedKarma

Pre-nup? Heh, most americans have more debt than assets, is the pre-nup about taking over debts?

My wife is a lawyer and we have no pre-nup. We still have our own personal bank accounts except that we share a mortgage account. I have a budgeting spreasheet where we split the bills pretty much 50-50 (whoever makes more money pays a little more). That way there is no issues about someone overspending on a common account. If we are planning a vacation I'll set up a temporary online account where we make contributions. Easy-peasy!

shygrneyzs

Laughs about the pre-nup taking over debts. I never had a pre-nup. There was never enough money to argue about. But in hindsight, it would have been a great thing to do. After my Mother's brother died, teh family estate was divided up and I received a third of my Mother's portion (the other 2/3 went to my two brothers). That inheritance became community property and my husband spent $30,000 of it in less than 6 months (a one day shopping spree included a new car, an imported rifle, a wolf hybrid pup, a new wardrobe, and a stop at the cigar store).

kp2171

off topic, but along the lines of one spouse spending the "others" money after a windfall

when my wifes best friend was just separated, and likely going to be divorced, they had an investment property that was ripe for selling. cleared a little over 100K after 2 years of rehab work and establishing solid lease relationships. absolutely a fantastic real estate deal.

knowing he was going to leave her, and knowing he was planning on using "his half" to begin setting up his new life with his gf, she took action.

they sold the property the day before the indy 500. he was in indy to see the race. she spent over 100K in less than 2 hours. she paid off the house, paid off her truck, and something else that i cant remember. i think something to do with money in an education fund for a child.

when he got back he was furious, as he wanted the cash. said shed broken the law and blah blah blah. well, no. its not like she hid it in a coffee can buried in the back 40 or anything. best thing she could have done. really helped her long term to have the assets paid off.

my wife said it was absolutely thrilling to be driving around town with her paying down her friends debt. and that actually began to reshape our investment plans.

moral of the story? dont get drunk at indy and leave your estranged wife with over 50K of "your" money.

NeedKarma

Kp, don't know how that works in the US but that was marital assets and anything purchased with it would be split 50/50. The story sounds a little suspect.

kp2171

story is 100% true.

she got the house and the truck. he settled on some artwork that was worth close to his amount. and then there were other assets, a suburban, a trailer, etc that she gave him in the proceedings.

he was the income provider, she cared for the kids. he left her with the kids.

so i cant tell you all the deals that went on behind the scenes. but for the year or so it took to get through the divorce, she had no house or car debt and in the end she got the assets she wanted free of debt and he ended up getting cash out of the crap she wanted gone anyway.

he was more than happy to sleep around on her, but he wasnt going to throw his children out of their home by forcing a sale, and i think the crap he got covered her "buyout".

NeedKarma

Ah, there was other equivalent "crap". I see. It's funny what value people put on what assets.

kp2171

back to the OP topic, i do think organization around money as soon as possible can save a ton of frustration and a ton of money.

my wife and i could have saved, im guessing, several thousand dollars easily in the first few years of our marriage had we planned out finances out better. now, we have a spreadsheet that details all our fixed expenses for 2007, including an extra mortgage payment once per year thatll shorten our loan, and all our fized expenses are paid out of an account that is only for that... fixed expenses. so no wondering ever if we'll have the money to pay bills on time.

even though you can do it all out of one, separating our money into three separate accounts (fixed, savings, discressionary) was a simple thing that took a lot of stress out of our relationship. a little organization is a powerful thing.