Question re girlfriend

fredg · Apr 1, 2006, 05:08 AM

Hi, Myk,
I have been married now (2nd. Time) for 29 years. If my wife expected to be in "my company" every minute of every day, there would be problems!
The first thing I noticed about your question was that "I always want her company". Do you mean you always want her with you?
That may or may not work out, depending on each individual person. Some people want some time for themselves; while some others tend to be very "clinging" and want to be with you all the time.
A "break" means she needs some time to herself, to think about things.
Have you been too "demanding" on her time?
Compromise is the key word in me and my wife being married for so many years. My first marriage (after 7 yrs) ended in Divorce. I learned a lot from that.....took me a year before I could start seeing other women.
Please give her some time. She may or may not want you back. Just don't communicate at all with her; let her make the next move.
I do wish you the very best, and good luck. Meantime, it's going to be very, very tough! Love hurts when it doesn't go the way we want it to.

myk3 · Apr 1, 2006, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredg

Hi, Myk,
I have been married now (2nd. Time) for 29 years. If my wife expected to be in "my company" every minute of every day, there would be problems!
The first thing I noticed about your question was that "I always want her company". Do you mean you always want her with you?
That may or may not work out, depending on each individual person. Some people want some time for themselves; while some others tend to be very "clinging" and want to be with you all the time.
A "break" means she needs some time to herself, to think about things.
Have you been too "demanding" on her time?
Compromise is the key word in me and my wife being married for so many years. My first marriage (after 7 yrs) ended in Divorce. I learned a lot from that.....took me a year before I could start seeing other women.
Please give her some time. She may or may not want you back. Just don't communicate at all with her; let her make the next move.
I do wish you the very best, and good luck. Meantime, it's going to be very, very tough! Love hurts when it doesn't go the way we want it to.

Indeed it does hurt. Its weird as some times when she is in a loving mood if I say I won't be coming up today to see you cos I'm off with my mates she would get upset. These reasons are why I got stressed she wants it to be how she wants, different when it is the other way around. Some time ago I said to her not really meaning it we need a break.... The next day she texted me saying the break is a good idea how long you want it for. The I texted back an other that was a bit angry. Later on that night she was crying and upset that I was going to leave her. That's how I want her to feel now. I'm just feeling sick as I am waiting for a call or text.

fredg · Apr 1, 2006, 06:14 AM

Hi,
You two really, really need to talk honestly with each other. Find out if you both want to continue this relationship, and what it would take for it to be successful.
If you and she really love each other, it can be worked out.

myk3 · Apr 1, 2006, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredg

Hi,
You two really, really need to talk honestly with each other. Find out if you both want to continue this relationship, and what it would take for it to be successful.
If you and she really love each other, it can be worked out.

Yes it can... We talk all the time get up set and sobby and sorry for each other and then give it a few more weeks and it happenes again. The fact is we argue, I just accept its a sill argument and then just make up, but she is the one who worries that are arguments are not supposed to be like that. I no many couples who argue allot and just get over it.. But she thinks our arguments arnt supposed to happen. I no now that if I ignore her for days she will start to worry that I don't want her no more. But with the text that I sent I don't no how she will react... Eather of f him if he wants to talk to me and be like that and go out last night and get with another guy to comfert herself

or oh no this time I have blown it he is fed up with me... Waiting to find out no just isn't comfertable... Thanks, mike

fredg · Apr 1, 2006, 08:24 AM

HI,
Many couples do argue, and on the other side of the coin, there are many who do not argue very often.
A lot of arguments, like every time you are together, or every week, means something is definitely wrong! One of the partners doesn't want to accept the other.
If you don't want to wait for an answer from her, then just call the whole thing off, and forget about her. That's your only option.

s_cianci · Apr 1, 2006, 11:44 AM

It sounds like you are a bit too needy where this girl is concerned ; very clingy and possessive. She no doubt senses this and is put off by it. That's probably why she keeps asking for these breaks and wishes that you'd treat her like s_ _ t once in a while. You say you've been with her for 2 1/2 years so it seems like there's some potential there. However, things being what they are, it probably isn't a bad idea for you to take a break from her at this point. Get out with some other friends, male and female, and have a good time. Go to the gym and do other things that you enjoy doing without having to worry about her tagging along or getting angry with you because she doesn't want to. Let her miss you and wonder what you're up to. If she contacts you make sure you tell her you're getting along just fine and having a dandy ole time and don't even mention getting together with her. If you keep this up I'm willing to bet that she'll eventually come crawling back to you on her hands and knees. Then you'll have the power in the relationship. If she starts her games again, you just bail out again. Her ego probably won't be able to handle that and the game playing will therefore stop as she'll want to keep you from running out on her again. Remember, you can't have someone unless you are willing to lose them. Once they realize that if they don't change their ways then they'll lose you then they come around. If not then it was never meant to be. However, something tells me that this girl isn't going to want to blow the 2 1/2 years she's already invested with you.

myk3 · Apr 3, 2006, 01:43 AM

Got a text from her last night after me asking for the score, she said ok I think it would be better if we where apart I'm sorry x. Then I said are we 100% over or do you still love me?. She said I still love you but I don't want to be in a relationship at the moment. I can't accept this I'm in a mess I'm going in to depression! I'm hoping that she hasn't found some one else, and I can't see how she can just finish us over 1 text message after a 2.5 yr relationship. I don't no what to do

Kohoutek · Apr 3, 2006, 04:22 AM

In my opinion, if she said she doesn't think she's good enough for you, there could be a problem there. What girl in her right mind wants a guy to treat her like s**t? Maybe she's realised she's with a guy who's loved her and been faithful to her for over two years now and she doesn't know how to handle it. If this is the case, maybe she is better off being single until she's learnt to like herself and understand what relationships are all about. If she doesn't want to be with you anymore, then you need to accept that and move on, but from the sounds of it, it's possible it may go slightly deeper than that, and burning bridges might not be the best idea....

giggles · Apr 3, 2006, 06:51 AM

You haven't been listening to this girl at all! She has said she needed space, and you say that often you will switch into a different persona and ask does she still love you etc. This is really clingy behaviour, and a total turnoff for a girl, whether she knows you inside out or not. I'm sorry to sound so harsh here, but you have made this poor girl the complete centre of your world, and that's a lot of pressure for her. No wonder she wants a break! And look what it's done to you - you're happiness depends on her being there for you all the time, and as a result you're in agony right now.
This break is a good thing for both of you! You need to get perspective on your own life. You are, after all after spending a long time with one person during a time when your own beliefs and feelings are undergoing so much change. Let this girl breathe a little - and that means no games, no emotionally blackmailing texts about whether she loves you or not - just let her be. You two seem completely over dependent on each other (re: she thinks you're too good for her.) Give yourself a break from all of this. It will reinforce your own individuality, you will be much more attractive to YOURSELF and then you can start worrying about what your girlfriend thinks of you... Mind you, if you start looking after yourself a bit more, and taking time for YOU, you won't really care what other people think - and you will be much more attractive to everyone!

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