I've know this girl for almost a year, but we have only been dating for about 4 months. Everything is great, nothing is wrong...except myself. I'm better now then i have been with it in the beginning of the relationship but it's still there and i want to null it out. This mostly has to do with other guys talking to her...on her myspace or online...not in person --- expecially if i'm there. I get jelouse and a red light automatically goes off saying that she might be flirting with other guys or trying to get with them, which really isn't the case. i don't get jelouse when i'm there and she is talking to a guy friend or something like that in person...expecially when i'm there as stated above. Personally she's just a nice person and what not and i don't believe that she is flirting. but in my mind it just hits a soft spot.

i've had prior relationships where i have been played and cheated on so...
i dunno, how can i fix this? what's wrong? etc.

aqua@home

sphyncx,
I'm the same way. I think anyone would get a little nervous after having been cheated on. I have no advice for you, except just try to keep control of it. Have you talked to her about it? Maybe you two could discuss this now so it doesn't snowball later. Take care.

fredg

Hi,
Jealousy is a bad attitude, especially if it's carried too far. When you aren't around and she is online with someone else, it's normal not to be jealous, simply cause you don't know anything about it!
I have been married for 29 yrs, and my wife has friends online, some men, some women, who "talk" online. I have no reason to be jealous. Your friend can do anything she wants online. Does she also date others, in person?
This is something you have to work on. If it continues, it will ruin any relationship fast. No girl or woman wants to be with a man who doesn't trust her. She has the right to talk with anyone she wants to.
Hopefully, you both with talk about it. Don't be surprised if she tells you that you worry too much. That's called "jealousy". Best of luck.

DJ 'H'

When you have hurt and cheated on in the past it is bound to make you feel insecure. But you have to learn to trust her and have a little faith. Without trust you and this girl have nothing anyway.

You need to learn to relax and tell yourself when she is chatting with other guys - its no big deal, I have no cause to worry!

She has chosen to be with you; so you must enjoy your time together and not let your jelousy get in the way; Jelousy will make you become clingy and soon question her every move, to which you will lose her because she will see "You don't trust her".

You have to put your past down to expereince and trust this girl will not do the same. You should know her character by now and you have already said she is a good person. You need to let go of your past and move forward!

fairy-dust

i know that the past will never leave you because of all the hurt from past gf,s but i think that you really need to let go of it, you cant really say that if the past has treated you bad then she will do the same if that was the case then i would be doomed lol, i think you need to talk to her about this i am sure she didnt want to make you feel like this, but if this dosent help you i would surgest that you took a break away from her to sort your issues out from the past out otherwise if you feel that way with her because of your past you will feel like that in every realshionship you have. if theres no trust then how can it go forward from here?????????

valinors_sorrow

A handy trick for making the past stay in the past is to ask yourself "How's my NOW?" Look around, see that NOW all is well and react to that.

Tell yourself IF and WHEN that changes, you will react to it then and not sooner. Trying to reach into the future and react, although an understandable self defensive measure, is still pointless and doesn't work.

Keep chanting to yourself..."That was then, this is now" as a way to draw an effective line between past and future.

If you don't ease up, it is entirely possible that your excessive worry will cause the future to duplicate the past, and this time you would be partly the cause. That closes the loop and then you can get "stuck" there. Not good! In this way its possible to kinda create our own "karma" so to speak, both good and bad. So draw that line!

As strange as this sounds, I think, sometimes we get what we fear in order to learn to not fear it. It was a survivable event, albeit an undesirable one. So stay reasonable, stay in the present moment and give your future a fighting chance at being a new start for you.

IF and WHEN you have established a PATTERN for picking women who cheat on you, we can talk about that, which is a whole other topic, okay?

I hope this helps!

sphyncx

thanks for the input, i've been trying to do what you all have suggested and it helped but it's still there a little bit. randomly will come up time to long time. so i guess it really isn't an over night fix, rather a gradual bringing to what is a reality.

Wildcat21

Jealousy is such a bad feeling.

It shouldn't matter - especially between you and her - saying anything will ruin things. SHE SHOUL NEBER HEAR/SEE if this bothers you. Trust me on this - WIldcat JUST went through this....even Wildcat.

There is always other guys....ALWAYS!!!! You CAN'T care.

Actually the best way to beat this and really only way, until you both agree to be exclusive, is to date others.....see other women.

sphyncx

well honestly, i don't show it...use all the self control i have and just play it off like it's nothing. it comes and goes...like i'll have jeliousy spells...one day i'll have it and for 2 months i won't again. weird.

fredg

HI,
Thank you for posting back.
I do suppose it's those "moments" about every 2 months that cause things to be bad. Maybe, by working on hard enough, really trying, get yourself to NOT feel anything like this.
I love the phrase "Here in the Now" by another post. I could not give an "approval" comment, got a pop-up.
This phrase is similar to "life is just today", treat others with respect, and one doesn't have to be concerned with tomorrow.