Alright,

This situation is something i have never seen before. Before i even start, im 26 years old, and she just turned 21.. which could be the issue. Anyway, we have been dating for 1 year and 1 month, we got engaged 7 months into our relationship down in Florida overlooking the gulf of mexico. She was the one that wanted to get engaged, well i wanted to too but i was a little scared at first but just did it.

So lets cut to the story, we have been extremely happy before this last month. We hung out every single day, every night, all the time with each other. We had our little bickers back and forth, sometimes i had a temper and would yell, which was wrong, and sometimes she would just push my buttons. That didnt mean i didnt love her, or want to be with her. So she would tell me sometimes she didnt like that we never went out, or we didnt go out enough, that i wanted to stay in alot. I woudlnt really respond and just go about my ways..

So over the past week or so before we broke up, she was hiding her phone, texting people at all hours of the night, under her bed, hiding it from me! She would never do that, we never cared, looked at each others phones, laughed about it.. stuff like that. So i would ask, who are you texting, she would always say her girl friend. So one day i logged into her account, bad move maybe, but she was shady so i felt the need to, we're engaged! I saw she was texting her guy friend over the past week... now before i say she was cheating on me, she wasnt. Because this kid is just her friend, all her friends even say thats true too... so i texted this kid and he assured me nothing was going on with them two, but to have a sit down with her and talk. So i told her i did this, and that was the breaking point, she didnt come home that night and that was that.

So she didnt really talk to me those 2 days, went out, stayed at her friends, would text me that she wanted time and space alone time to be single she was unhappy with me the past month or so.. that i changed and stuff like that. Then she said how she is young, and wants to go experience being 21 and being single, and going out with her friends wheenver she wanted to... So that Monday she emailed me, because she heard my ex-girlfriend called me. She asked "When do you want your stuff back " and she sent a sad face.. so since that Monday we have been talking more and more each day, texting non-stop pretty much. I would say to her, "Hey come see the pets" because we have a lot of animals together, and she would say that she would cry if she saw me.

I sent her an email, saying that i respect that she needs some space, that we werent going down the right road, fighting alot, not respecting each other as much, not wanting either of us to go out with our friends. I told her that i realized that i wasnt the man she first fell in love with over the past few months or so, and that sometimes it takes space to realize what you were doing wrong, and i honestly do realize that now, and would do anything to get her back and show her!!

She also has had tons of school work over the past few months, studying like crazy, her finals are this week, she's stressed and nervous about that.. so maybe that has something to do with it.

So just yesterday morning, she texted me good morning . So we are on a talking basis every day, she tells me what she's doing all the time, i tell her what im doing. Last night i went there, she was studying at her friends house, and i talked with her mom. Her mom loves me more than anything, and was telling me that she does not think its truly over. That my ex sits around with tears in her eyes, that she is not herself. When her mom says "If its over , pack up his stuff, give him his ring back" she says "no no, i didnt say that it was over.. no".. she would just freak out. Her mom would say "Maybe you should go talk to him and use the pets to get over there." and she would say "Yeah maybe i will go over there..." Her mom thinks that she realizes that she does want to be with me, but doesnt know how to get it back... But then just last night we were texting again, and she re-iterrated that she wanted to just take a break, that she didnt want to truly break up, but needed a break to find herself.. but we still talk every day...

Her mom thinks its just a matter of time before she breaks down and comes back to me. What im doing is just trying to be strong when she texts me, trying to just be myself, be sweet and nice to her, not too overbearing because sometiems i do breakdown and tell her i miss her. Im trying not to push her away, but if her mom is telling me that she is miserable then i just think this is something different bothering her. Her mom also said to her "Maybe you guys should just get back together and not be engaged" and she would say "No thats just stupid.. no" ... so she tells her mom that she is not ready to give me up, and doesnt want to give my stuff back.. i mean hell my pictures are still on her wall in her bedroom, and there is a sign that says I LOVE and then my name, which is also still up... i just dont understand this. Maybe she is doing this to create some space for herself to study, maybe i was too overwelming to her and she didnt know how to tell me, or maybe she just is confused but does love and want to be with me.. i have never seen anything like this before, she isnt seeing anyone else, because her mom would definitley know..

I just need some advice, lol.. im doing all i can to be strong, and she is the one who texts me first every day.. i just respond. I love her with all my heart, this is the girl im supposed to marry! And i know deep down she knows im the guy she wants to marry too.

dip15

We have been "broken up" for 12 days today.. let me also add that her mom asked if she should throw away the wedding brochures, and my ex freaked out again saying "NO" ... very strange.

dip15

Sorry but i just have to add some stuff to this.

Also, the reason she has been unhappy might be because of the way i have been acting. I Just havent been myself, ive been stressed out over the stupidest stuff, just dumb stuff and she used to tell me all the time not to be stressed. So the stress was taking over my life, we wouldnt make love as much anymore, which was a problem, i woudl get snippy with her, i would just seem mad all the time, when deep down all i wanted to do was love her. I am realizing this every day, and changing my ways.. im not stressful anymore, im really not. I breathe in and breathe out and its gone.. but you see i cannot tell her that ive changed, i just have to show her some how. By being happy maybe, showing her that i can still be fun and happy and the guy she first fell in love with. She texts me, i text her back a smily face.. i think she knows that im changing, i just got a new car yesterday and im getting my own apartment soon too, so that is showing her that im sincere in my words. I know i messed up, and couldnt change when she brought it up, but sometimes it does take something like this to change someone, and maybe its changing her too... ok

littlemissconfused

this is really odd sounds to me like her mom is right she just wants a bit of space and time. i mean me and my boyfriend are like that sometimes we need time away coz we live in each others pockets. Maybe spending every day with you was just taking the fun fromt he relationship f u had days with just your friends on your own then days when it was the two of you alone and then days when it was you and your friends and her and her friends all together it mixes it up a bit.

dip15

I agree 100% and the email i sent her last, because she asked me to send her one!! I brought that up. I told her we should sit down and start a new life together. Maybe have one night a week where we both go out with our friends, and still come home to each other! She said she read that email, and it made her very sad.

I get sad faces at least 5-10 tiems a day from her.. lol.. thank you for your response

talaniman

So where is this break your supposed to be on?? Sounds to me like your still in CONSTANT contact with each other to me. Keep the MOM out of this, as I see this as a point of confusion, between two confused people. Sorry guy but until you each have a chance to see your way thru this cloud of confusion, independant of each other I don't see this working out to the benefit of you both. I may be old school, but I think when someone needs a break, I must respect that, and give them what they ask for. Come what may.

Wondergirl

It's time to create boundaries. This has gone on for two weeks now. Ask her to please return the ring. You can't live in limbo any longer.

dip15

I know, its more like she needs a break from seeing me every night and being tied down maybe, but she misses me enough to talk to me constantly.. its weird. She told her mom last night that she was stressed out about everything and school ended today and she just needed to relax for awhile. I know i shuold keep the Mom out of it, i know i know, but she is just trying to look out for my and her daughter's best interest, if it was truly over she would tell me that there was no chance.

I am giving her the respect of her break, i understand that school, having a fiance, turning 21 can all be stressful coming at the same time.. so much so that she really needed time to herself, which i understand totally. She is the one that is trying to keep me close, i think she is scared she will lose me to someone else... i am giving her the space she requested..

Patiently waiting for her

ilovcali

You guys both sound slightly immature. I was dating a 21 yr old this summer and I'm slightly older then you. She went back home at the end of summer and that was the end for us. No LDR.


One thing I do know about 21 yr olds is that they HAVE NO IDEA what they want. They're 21. I was 21 once and if I could tell that guy what I know now, I'd have to talk to him for hours. Anyway, you sound slightly immature too when it comes to the relationship.

You may just be feeding off her own immaturities or you have your own. Either way, a REAL BREAK sounds good. You both have issues to deal with.

The last thing you want is to marry someone who isn't sure.

--Cali

dip15

I agree we didnt have the most mature or healthy relationship, even though we were happy 99% of the time with each other, and totally much in love, wanting to get married, move intogether, get pets together. Something wasnt right.. we just didnt have space and time to ourselves.

Taking a break sometimes opens your eyes to what you really want, i disagree that all 21yr olds do not know what they want, because thats just untrue. If i met someone like her when i was 21, i would have been ready to get married.

She refuses to throw away any of my pictures, wedding brochures, her ring, my letters and cards, my stuff.. she wont throw me away, so a real break is what she must want.