So my girlfriend just dumped me saying that she doesnt feel the same anymore. Last month she said she wanted space to figure things out cause things were different. We got back together after 2 weeks. and now a month later she wants to break up. I dont know what to do, she also said that she wants space but wants to keep talking to me and hanging out because she doesnt want to loose me completely because im still very special to her. And when i mean keep talking to her, she'll text me like one question, and then bring it out into a conversation then ask if she can call me to talk. I dont know what any of that means. She said right now she doesnt wanna date anyone else but doesnt wanna try to get back together. She lost feelings for me she said. but in the future she said she'd be open to the idea and would want to try dating again.




i know what I did wrong and it was cause if smothered her, but i wanna try and get her back and i dont know how to go about doing so.

chuff

That's a woman's way of saying you've changed your behavior that she was originally attracted to. You used to be a challenge and now your not creating that "excitement" with in her.

It sounds like she had not fully "removed" you from her emotional plate. In other words women let themselves down emotionally before they end the relationship. She thought she had, but not fully, so she got back together with you so she could keep you around well she went all the way through with it.

Exactly my point.

She is positioning you as a back up plan. She wants to go out with others who are challenging her emotionally but doesn't want to take the plunge should the relationship end, so she wants you to be around for that purpose.


You are special in the sense she knows she can keep running back to you.

It means she wants you to always be available on her terms, not yours.

She's lying. If Brad Pitt should up at her door and asked her out she'd jump. What she's really saying is she doesn't want to date you, but she doesn't want you to leave her forever because then she's got to deal with the feelings of loss.

Well I think she's telling you the truth. The feelings you created in her when you first started dating are no longer there. But she also thinks you so available that you will be there anytime she wants.

Do you see what she's doing? She's leaving the door open for you so you have hope and so she can use that to string you along. If she wants to date you again then let her call you in a few months after you haven't talked to her. In fact, I'd say exactly that, tell her, "when your ready to earn me back shoot me a call and I'll see if I can make some time for you."

Quit talking to her. You said you smoothered her, I tend to think you gave her everything which means she had no reason do her part in this relationship. Once the challenge is gone, so is she. Now she thinks she can keep you around and talk to you on her terms. She doesn't think you are strong enough to walk away. So prove her wrong. Walk and don't talk to her, and hold her to her words. When she contacts you do not contact back, this was her break up so let her have it.

makinbaconx

ya know i think your right about one thing and i think it may be the cuase of everything. I have changed, but its just because ive had a bad past 2 months. It wasnt becasue of us it was because ive been stressed out. And i mean im sure distance has something to play with it, we've only see eachother 2 times in the past month. Idk what to do, i dont want to walk away from her cause well i love the girl. things are changing finally for me and im reverting back to what i was. Any advice?

talaniman

Any female that tells you that, leave her alone. Never look back.
Any partner who can't go thru the thin with the thick, is not in love with you any way and not worthy of your love so don't waste time and emotion on them.

Save your dignity and self respect from an awful beating, and do no contact her never ever in life.

makinbaconx

Not contacting her is kinda harsh dont you think? to be honest shes pretty much the first girlfriend ive had whos actually be honest with me about everything. Including all of this. When she herself gets stressed out she shuts down almost completely, even shuts her close friends out, and her family. None of this started till she started working 45-50 hour work weeks.

talaniman

Not for a guy who is wishing for something that he has been told he can't have. (a relationship) This is all you, full of false hope, and not accepting what she has done,(left the relationship) and you need to see some reality, and stop making excuses. Thats what NO CONTACT can do for you.

JBeaucaire

She's putting you away in a closet until she possibly wants/needs you again...some random time in the future?? That's how you see your role in life, some girl's dingy sweater to be used or not used at her whim?

I don't think so. Any girl put me in a drawer would have a surprise NOT waiting for her when she tried to open it again. I'd be long gone and not the least bit open to her ever again.

chuff

You know what I think is not only kinda of harsh but just plain insensitive, cruel, and uncaring? Dumping you not once, but twice. In fact bringing you back after she realized she wasn't done being over you so she kept you around another month just to satisfy her own emotions while yours weren't even considered. Now she is playing with those very same emotions and telling you that if your a good boy maybe you will have a shot at her in the future.......of course that will be on her terms which at this point her terms are emotional games a plenty. SHE asked for this break, so give her what SHE asked for.

I think she is being honest with you, but working 50 hour weeks should in theory help your cause not hurt it. The more she's away from you the more she should be missing you and looking forward to that time you two spend together. She's not doing that, she's dumping you (twice) and keeping you around on her terms with no regard for you. While she may be honest that her feelings have changed towards you, she is completely greedy when it comes to thinking of your feelings in the entire situation.

You've given her everything she's asked for up to this point, so now she wants to see how it is with out you, she's asked for it, so give it to her and let her think about it when you your not hanging on to her emotional games.

NorthernNiceGuy

stop talking to her!!! Think about what she is really doing? Yes she still cares about you, but no not in that way. How do you feel after you talk to her all this time and then get off the phone and realize... "oh yah, she still doesn't want to be with me". Probably pretty bad... I know I did. She wants to talk to you because she feels sad about the whole thing too, and every time she gets to talk to you she feels better. Shes keeping you available to her until she finds someone else... telling you that she is open to the idea of trying down the road is a lie. You can't believe them when they say that they aren't interested in finding someone else... because if they did tell you that they know you wouldn't talk to them any longer.

If you want some proof read my latest question on here.... I got told all the same things you are being told and guess what... found out three days ago that she slept with someone over a month ago. You are torturing yourself by constantly being available to her needs.

Not talking to her is not harsh... breaking up with you twice is harsh. Go no contact for your own good and if she decides that she wants to be with you she knows where to find you, and trust me she will let you know.

Really my friend, I can tell you from experience that you are setting yourself up for more pain and heart ache down the road. You are not doing yourself any favors right now.

Read this, maybe my screw up can help you look at this a little better.

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...dy-230410.html

All the best