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Some of you know about this already. I am finding that people in my work keep mentioning my ex in conversation. They were talking about a picture he has in his living room for eg, and one of them looked at me like he was looking to see how I would react. Today was the worst. I was sitting at my desk, when I heard a workcolleague talking to another guy about photos on the computer screen. He told the other guy that my ex had sent them to him by email, and they were looking at them etc. It was obviously a night out with some of these guys, and they mentioned a pizza etc. I just thought, is this necessary?? The thought of photos of my ex being on a screen just a few feet away doesn't make me feel great. I felt a bit angry and upset again.
I did not move from where I was, I had earphones in so, I just continued looking at my screen, although I could hear what they were saying. I made no reaction. I didn't see the photos. I didn't get up to walk out, as the computer they were at was near the door.
I know this is only a trivial problem but it upsets me. I was just wondering how people would react here. Is no reaction the best? I have to try and be positive as I don't know what is getting back to my ex.
PS. in response to this happening I am thinking of booking in for a combat class at the gym!!! probably at the weekend, plus that punch bag and gloves is still on my Christmas list : )
Location: United Kingdom - usually cold and wet here!
Posts: 1,276
hmmmmmmm,
Well, my previous advice about walking away and having a coffee or a break may not be such a good idea. If this other guy is looking at you while they are discussing the photos, he is either doing it because he wants to see a reaction or he may just be conscious of the fact that you are there and listening (even though you would rather not) and feels a bit uneasy about it himself.
Either way, it is still insensitive what they are doing. They can't be that dumb not to realise that this would in some way affect you, can they??
I would try to ignore it as reacting may only provoke furture reoccurances of this..
Perhaps take a photo of them while they are not looking, take it home, pin it up on the wall and use it for dart practice..
Geoff you made me laugh out loud at my desk again ha ha!! No-one looked at me today when discussing it. I feel that the guy in work talks to me about my ex like he is an old friend of mine maybe. Well, he isn't it, and that hurts. Maybe I give off the impression that I am over it, oh who knows. Yep, I will try not to react
Location: United Kingdom - usually cold and wet here!
Posts: 1,276
Sometimes, some people get some kind of satisfaction from seeing others suffer and in pain. It makes them feel better about themselves. In a way they are transferring their own suffering and pain onto you by taking advantage of your vulnerability..
I am not a psychologist but this is my opinion based on what I have seen in the past!!
Who knows, they may not be doing it deliberately, it may just be harmless..Which is why I think it is best to ignore it...
Small minds are easily amused. Ignore them. They are bored and trying to pass some time by goading you, don't rise to it. When they see they are getting no reaction they'll get bored with that too and move onto someone else.
Hi wap, some people just love to dwell on the misfortune of others, there is nothing like a little bit of scandal in the office. Little things please little minds.
You're doing well in showing them that it doesn't bother you. They will soon get bored and move on the the next piece of juicy gossip. You are doing great. x
Just ignore it. it is always going to happen. i get people run up to me in the street to tell me that they seen my ex, or what she is doing, how great she looks etc.
It happens all the time. We were together a long time and i suppose you would say were well known amongst alot of people.
The best thing to do is ignore it. Any reaction, positive or negative is what they are after and they will twist in to what they want to get anyway.
It is going to happen and the fact that you are still grieving would be magnifying it in your mind too. One day the same thing will happen and you probably wont even recognise the name they are talking about. But right now you are still so sensitive that any little thing hurts that much more.
So you just have to accept that it is part of the ending of a relationship and foolish people like to see how far they can push til you tip over the edge. So dont give them the satisfaction of knowing they have succeeded ok?
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